Nightmares

A pair of amethyst eyes stared down at me coldly. His mouth formed a thin line as he watched me being dragged to the center of the plaza. Not an ounce of mercy could be seen in his expressionless face. 

A beautiful woman with long reddish brown hair and emerald green eyes was standing beside him. It was really a sight to behold. The male lead and the heroine. 

And here I was, the pitiful villainess that would soon meet her end. I could neither move nor scream as the executioner forced my head to stay still under the guillotine.

It happened in a flash. My eyes still transfixed at those amethyst eyes that mirrored mine as the cold sharp blade cut down my neck, separating the head and the body. 

I screamed, sitting down on the bed. Cold sweat rolled on my back. I panted heavily as my eyes adjusted to the dark. 

I was in my room. 

The golden canopy glistened from the moonlight over the window. Fire burned in the fireplace, almost extinguished.

My eyes darted around the room in anxiety as I hugged my shaking body, trying to convince myself that it wasn't real over and over again. 

I unconsciously grabbed my neck. I could still feel the coldness of the blade when it struck my neck. It felt so real. 

I whimpered as I buried my face in my palms. 

I curled up and started to cry uncontrollably. It was too much.

"I'm scared. I'm so scared. I want to go back to Korea. I want to go back to my home. I want to see Taehyung again. I hate this place. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be Bella. I'm Cho Sarang. Cho Sarang..." I rambled everything that has been bottling inside of me as I sobbed. 

Why am I so pitiful?

I know I shouldn't pity myself. But who else will pity me if not myself? Nobody will understand my situation. 

What I wanted is just...comfort. I wished for someone to tell me that they got my back. I wished for someone to tell me that everything will be alright, that I will be alright, even though they were just empty words.

I sprang from the bed and hastily ran out of my room. I didn't even think twice when I knocked on his door. I needed to see him, I needed to...confirm it myself.

A few seconds later the door was opened. His silhouette, walking out the door wearing a sleeping robe while receiving the faint moonlight, looked like a statue made out of the spirit of a God.

When those same amethyst eyes that I've seen in my dream met mine. Instead of a cold stare full of malice, it showed concern and warmth as he stared at my tear streaked face with a worried expression. It gave me the last reassurance I needed that what I've seen was just a mere dream, it was not real.

"Bella.." he reached out his hand and touched my cheek lightly against the back of his hand with a very careful gesture. "What happened?"

I didn't even notice that I was trembling. I'm pathetic, I know.

"I had nightmares," I dropped my head slightly, my voice came out as a helpless whimper. "You told me to visit anytime."

I stumbled towards him, my vision already blurry. Alistair reached out naturally and wrapped me into his arms. Accepting me. I closed my eyes and placed my face against his sturdy chest. His hand gently stroked the back of my head.

"It's alright... You're safe here."

His whispers reached into my broken heart and broke it further into pieces. It's what I wanted to hear... so much... so much, I've wanted to hear this. But yet I'm still scared.

Don't be kind to me... Or I will end up depending on you.

Maybe I already was. I couldn’t be sure myself.

His hand didn't stop stroking me. On this cold night, his palm on my head and my back felt so warm, that tears just continued. It was a warmth I had craved for so long, all these days, stuck in this world alone.

"I'm sorry. It's embarrassing..." I shut my eyes tighter, making more tears fall.

"...It's okay. It's not embarrassing. You can cry." 

They were sweet words that I didn't know he was capable of. 

It's strange that this man was the reason for my nightmares, yet he was the one who comforted me from it. 

I'm scared, but his arms were just so warm, and so... safe? Peaceful? I don't know. I don't want to know. I'm scared to know. 

The only thing that matters to me now is that this Alistair is not the same Alistair that I've seen in my dream.

I cried and cried and he patiently held me in his arms, stroking my head like comforting a little child, like I was someone precious to him.

I was held like that for a while until I got sleepy.

"You should take a rest, Bella," he murmured to me as he leaned back. 

"No... I'm not sleepy," I muttered stubbornly. I didn't want to go back and be alone in that room. I didn't want to have another nightmares. Not tonight.

Alistair sighed. "I think you need some rest, what if you get sick again?"

"Then, can you accompany me in my room?" I asked desperately.

"Bella, you shouldn't invite- Bella? Hey!"

His scolding was interrupted by a fresh wave of my tired tears. I didn't mean to cry, but I just wanted someone to be with me tonight.

He gave a defeated sigh. 

"What a demanding girl you are," he shook his head at me and then said sternly. "But you must go to sleep once we get to your room."

I nodded my head, wiping at my tears with the back of my hand.

Alistair escorted me back to my room. As soon as I got into bed, he personally covered me with the blanket. 

He was very cautious about sitting on the edge of the bed like he was not sure if he was doing the right thing. I grabbed the edge of his robe, afraid that he'd leave me.

"Can you sleep here until I fall asleep?"

"Bell-"

"Please..." I gave him a pleading look.

"You shouldn't invite a man into your bedroom, let alone into your bed,” his nagging voice was low and clear like the air of dawn.

"But you're my brother." 

He stared at me with an unreadable expression. His sharp gaze penetrated me like it could see right into my soul. My breath caught in my throat, I was nervous, but I held my gaze, not wanting to back down.

"Fine...  Go to sleep, I’ll stay until you fall asleep."  

Alistair climbed up beside me and for the first time that night I questioned my rash decision. It was the way Alistair reached out and gently stroked my hair with eyes filled with heat. 

That wasn’t the way you’d look at your sister.

I was afraid that he'd notice my pounding heart, so I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. Pretending to be a foolish sister who had no bad thoughts and could sleep comfortably even if we were in the same bed. 

I felt a persistent gaze watching me over my closed eyes. I opened my eyes slightly so that Alistair wouldn't notice.

Alistair's face, reflected in the faint moonlight, was cold. The face that had just been looking at me gently, now looked at me with a dangerous glint. Like a beast with his prey in front of him. He was watching me without blinking his eyes. Observing my breathing, face, and gesture quietly.

When his eyes glanced completely at the nape of my neck, momentarily goosebumps appeared on my whole body. How long was he looking at me like this already?

After a while, he opened his lips. 

“You’re so defenseless.”

A small whisper that I could barely hear and cold fingertips touched my hair. He began to sweep my hair gently, just like he did earlier. 

Contrary to his chilly eyes, he was kind enough to swipe my hair. Thanks to that, I almost flinched several times.

"Please have a good dream, Bella."

After speaking, Alistair woke up with a rustling sound. He suddenly stopped his footsteps, approached the doorway, turned his head and looked at me. He leaned on the door and stared at me for a few minutes, then he turned the doorknob and left the room. 

I opened my eyes completely only after the door was completely closed with the sound of tak-.

Is he really-

The fear from the nightmares were forgotten as my mind was filled with other things. 

Alistair...

Just as I wear the mask of a sweet sister, Alistair also wears a mask in front of me. It wasn’t an expression of someone with a malicious intention though, but rather something that I couldn’t really tell.

Isn't that ironic? It seems like we're more alike than I thought. 

But I was willing to play this game with him if that was what he wanted. 

Please, keep thinking of me as a kind and foolish sister. Be so vigilant and slowly open up to me. I will do whatever you want, so please protect me. In return, I will play the good sister role accordingly. Sweeter and warmer than anyone else.