CHAPTER EIGHT — A Second Chance

“Are you really not going to eat?”

I took another bite of the juicy chicken, the flavor bursting across my tongue. It was so good I almost groaned. Each chew felt like pure heaven, reminding me that I was alive. I could almost feel my body waking up again with every swallow. I chuckled to myself, it seems that in this life I was going to be a foodie.

Between bites, I shifted Gracie on my lap, feeding her small spoonfuls of mashed potatoes. She cooed happily, kicking her tiny legs as if each taste was the best thing in the world. Her bright eyes met mine, shining with pure delight.

Billy, on the other hand, just sat there staring at his plate as if it were poison.

I frowned, setting my fork down. “If you weren’t going to eat, you should’ve told me before I ordered it. Now it’s going to go to waste and my money will be wasted too.”

His head snapped up instantly. “No!” he blurted, shaking it so hard his curls bounced. His lower lip trembled as he blinked back tears.

Slowly, he wiped his hands on his shirt and reached for the toast. His small fingers trembled as he took a bite, chewing quietly. Then he picked up the cup of apple juice, taking a slow sip.

The moment the sweetness hit his tongue, his eyes widened, brightening with childlike joy. For a second, he looked almost happy then just as quickly, he froze, biting his lip as he thought of something.

I didn’t say anything. As long as he was eating, that was all that mattered.

I called the waitress over and asked to borrow a pen. When she handed it to me, I grabbed a napkin and began to scribble down a list of everything I needed to buy before heading home.

Cleaning supplies. The apartment needed a complete scrub before I could even think about sleeping there. I needed to buy bleach, detergent, rat traps, bug spray, disinfectant wipes, sponges, a broom and mop, rubber gloves, air freshener …definitely air freshener

Just thinking about the bathroom made me almost vomit. The smell alone could make a person faint.

Next, I had to get diapers for Gracie and a comforter for her to sleep on.

And clothes, when I looked at the clothes Gracie and Billy were wearing, and Patricia Allen’s filthy rags I wanted to burn every last bit of them. But I couldn’t afford that. I’d have to wash them all by hand for now.

I sighed, already feeling tired just imagining it.

I also needed new pots. I would rather die than use the dirty, maggot infested ones in her sink. Maybe I’ll get a small frying pan too. A few plates, cups, and spoons that were enough to feed the family properly.

My mind was racing with ideas as I paid the waitress and stepped out of the restaurant with Gracie in one arm and Billy’s small hand in mine. The plan was simple in my mind. I’d head straight to the market, get what we needed, and start cleaning the apartment.

But I hadn’t even gone halfway down the street when I felt Billy’s grip tighten and then stop altogether.

I turned, confused.

“Billy?”

Before I could say more, his face crumpled. A broken sob tore out of his throat, and suddenly he was crying so hard it stopped people in their tracks.

Tears streamed down his red cheeks, his nose running as he hiccupped between cries. The sound was so raw that it made your heart twist even if you didn’t know what was going on.

“Billy?” I barely had time to react before Gracie, startled by her brother’s cries, began wailing too.

I immediately started panicking and grabbed Billy’s hand again leading them both toward an empty corner beside a closed shop. I crouched down in front of him, trying to meet his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Billy? Did something happen? You didn’t like the food, is that it?”

He cut me off, screaming through sobs, “Mommy, please don’t sell me!”

I froze. My hand, halfway through patting Gracie’s back, went still.

“What… what did you say?” I whispered.

“Please don’t sell me!” he cried louder, shaking his head wildly, his voice breaking with each word. “Please forgive Sister Anna, please I beg you! She didn’t mean to hurt you! Please don’t sell me, Mommy! I’ll be a good boy, I promise! I won’t eat a lot anymore, I won’t complain of being hungry, I’ll take care of Gracie, I swear, just please don’t sell me!”

He was trembling all over, his little fists clenched at his sides, eyes red and glossy with tears. His bottom lip quivered as if each word was being ripped out of him. The sight alone could break anyone’s heart.

And in that moment, I understood what he meant. .

This was why he had been so quiet and tense, why he flinched at my every movement and watched me as if waiting for punishment. Patricia Allen had terrified her children into obedience. Whenever she wanted control, she’d threaten to sell them off. It was a cruel, senseless lie but if you tell a child something like that enough times, they’ll start to believe it.

And now, after Anna ran away and I hadn’t screamed or hit anyone… after I took Billy out to eat and then to the market… it wasn’t hard to imagine what he thought was coming next.

My heart ached as I looked at the small, frightened boy, shaking and apologizing for things he didn’t do.

Without thinking, I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair. It was oily, sticky, and unwashed, but I didn’t care. I gently pulled him into my arms, hugging him tight enough that he could feel my heartbeat.

“Billy…” my voice came out soft, almost trembling. “I’m sorry.”

His sobs quieted for a moment, confusion flickering through his teary eyes.

“In the place of your mother, for all the things she said, for everything she did that hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

I swallowed hard, holding him even closer. “And as someone who also grew up without a mother’s love… I promise you, Billy. I will make sure you never feel this way again. I will never hurt you. I swear it.”

He sniffled, hiccupping softly, those big brown eyes filled with panic like he didn’t understand the weight of my words or whether he was allowed to believe me or not.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “You don’t have to say anything. Just watch me, alright? Watch me be better for you and your sisters. For the first time in your life… Please trust me.”

He stared at his hands, lips trembling, before slowly lifting his eyes to mine.

“I’d have to learn how.”

I nodded. “That’s okay. But don’t cry anymore, alright? I won’t sell you. I promise.”

Billy wiped at his tears and nodded still hiccuping,

I let him go, adjusting Gracie on my hip as I watched him steady himself. When I was certain he wouldn’t break down again, I took a deep breath, tightened my grip around his small hand, lifted my chin, and walked us into the market.

I know the journey won’t be easy. Patricia Allen left me broken kids who remind me too much of myself at that age. But this is a second chance not just for me, but for them too. I’ll make life easier for all of us, one step at a time. And the first step is getting everyone clean.