CHAPTER EIGHT: TRYING TO BE USEFUL

The next morning, I woke up early.

I couldn't sleep anymore because my brain wouldn't stop thinking.

I kept hearing the women's voices saying I didn't belong here.

Maybe they were right. Maybe I was just taking up space and causing problems for Kieran's pack.

I got dressed quickly and went downstairs.

The kitchen was empty because it was still very early.

I looked around at all the dishes from last night's dinner that were still dirty.

Perfect.

I could clean them all before anyone woke up.

If I helped with chores, the pack members would see that I wasn't useless.

I filled the big sink with soapy water and started washing plates and cups.

It felt good to have something useful to do.

Back at Silver Creek Pack with Damien, I cleaned everything every day.

At least I was good at cleaning.

"What are you doing?" I jumped and turned around.

Kieran was standing in the doorway, wearing dark pants and no shirt.

His hair was messy like he had just woken up. I tried not to stare at his strong chest, but it was hard.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, dropping the plate I was holding back into the water.

"I know it's early, but I wanted to help. I can clean these and make breakfast and—"

"Laila." Kieran's voice was gentle but firm. "You don't need to do all that."

"But I want to help," I said desperately.

"Everyone here has been so nice to me, and I'm just taking up space. I should earn my place somehow."

Kieran walked closer to me, his silver eyes looking concerned.

"You don't have to earn anything. You're here because you need somewhere safe to heal."

"But some pack members they," I started, my voice getting shaky.

"They don't think I should be here. They think I'm weak and useless because I can't shift."

Kieran's face got very serious. "Who said that?"

"It doesn't matter," I said quickly, turning back to the dishes.

"They're not wrong. I am weak and useless but I can clean and cook and do laundry. I can be helpful in other ways."

"Look at me," Kieran said softly.

I didn't want to, but something in his voice made me turn around.

"You are not weak or useless," he said, his silver eyes looking right into mine.

"You survived years of abuse and still have kindness in your heart. That takes incredible strength."

I felt tears starting in my eyes.

"But I can't do anything special. I can't shift into a wolf. I can't fight. I'm just... ordinary."

"There's nothing wrong with being ordinary," Kieran said.

"And you're not as ordinary as you think you are."

Before I could ask what he meant, Emma came into the kitchen.

"Oh good, you're both up early," she said cheerfully.

"Laila, you don't need to do those dishes. That's my job."

"I don't mind," I said. "I like helping."

"That's very sweet, but you're a guest here," Emma said firmly.

"Guests don't do dishes."

"But I'm not really a guest, am I?" I asked. "I don't know what I am."

Emma and Kieran looked at each other. I could tell they were having a conversation via mind link.

"Why don't we figure that out together?" Kieran said finally.

"What would you like to do while you're here? What makes you happy?"

I thought about it. Nobody had ever asked me what made me happy before.

"I don't know," I said honestly.

"I've never really thought about it."

"Well, what did you like to do when you were younger, before..." Kieran didn't finish the sentence, but I knew he meant before Damien.

I tried to remember being young and happy. It felt like a very long time ago.

"I liked reading," I said slowly.

"And I liked taking care of the flowers in my mother's garden and I liked listening to the older pack members tell stories about the old days."

"Those are wonderful things," Emma said warmly.

"We have a big library here, and Mrs. Chen would love help with her garden, plus Old Pete loves telling stories to anyone who will listen."

"Really?" I asked.

"Really," Kieran said. "You don't have to earn your place here by cleaning dishes, Laila. You can just... be yourself."

I wasn't sure I remembered how to be myself.

For so long, I had only tried to be what Damien wanted me to be.

After breakfast, I went to find the library Emma had mentioned.

It was in a quiet part of the house, with tall shelves full of books and comfortable chairs by the windows.

I was looking at all the books when someone cleared their throat behind me.

I turned around and saw a woman about my age with dark hair and suspicious eyes.

She was pretty even with a scowl.

"So you're the charity case," she said coldly.

"I'm sorry?" I didn't understand.

"Alpha Kieran's new pet project. The broken wolf he brought home to fix."

My face got hot with shame.

"I'm not... it's not like that."

"Isn't it?" The woman stepped closer to me.

"My name is Jessica. I've been in this pack my whole life. My father died fighting for Alpha Kieran. I've earned my place here."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"But you," Jessica continued, "you just show up one day and suddenly you're living in the pack house, eating our food, taking up space. And for what? Because you're pathetic enough to make the Alpha feel sorry for you?"

"I didn't ask for any of this," I said quietly.

"No, but you took it anyway, didn't you?" Jessica's voice got meaner.

"Let me give you some advice. Don't get too comfortable here. Alpha Kieran might feel sorry for you now, but charity cases get old fast. Soon he'll get tired of babysitting you and then where will you go?"

Her words hit me like punches. They sounded just like the things Damien used to say.

"I... I should go," I whispered.

"Good idea," Jessica said with a fake smile.

"Maybe you should keep going and not come back."

I ran out of the library and didn't stop running until I reached the edge of the forest.

There was a big rock there where I could sit and cry without anyone seeing me.

Jessica was right. I was just a charity case.

Kieran felt sorry for me, but that wouldn't last forever.

Soon he would realize I was more trouble than I was worth, just like Damien did.

Maybe I should leave before that happened.

I should just run away now, while I still had a little bit of dignity left but where would I go?

I had no money, no family who wanted me, no friends.

I was completely alone in the world except for Kieran's kindness.

And maybe that kindness wasn't real anyway.

Maybe he was just being nice because he felt guilty about something.

Maybe he had some other reason for bringing me here that I didn't understand yet.

"There you are."I looked up and saw Marcus walking toward me. His face looked worried.

"Emma said you ran out of the pack house crying. What happened?"

I wiped my face with my sleeve.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Marcus said, sitting down on the rock beside me.

"Someone upset you. Who was it?"

I didn't want to tell him about Jessica. What if she got in trouble because of me? What if that made more pack members hate me?

"It's okay," I said. "I just... I think maybe I should leave."

"Leave?" Marcus looked shocked.

"Why?"

"Because I don't belong here," I said, the words rushing out.

"I'm just taking up space and causing problems. Your pack would be better off without me."

"That's not true," Marcus said firmly.

"Who told you that?"When I didn't answer, his eyes got angry.

"Someone said something cruel to you, didn't they? Laila, you have to tell me who it was."

"It doesn't matter," I said.

"They weren't wrong. I am a charity case. I am broken. And eventually, Kieran will get tired of me, just like—"

"Just like your ex-mate did?" Marcus asked gently.

I nodded, unable to speak through my tears.

Marcus was quiet for a moment. Then he said,

"Can I tell you something about my brother?"

I looked at him.

"Kieran has never brought anyone home before. Not once. In all the years since Seraphina died, he's never shown interest in helping anyone or caring about anyone."

"So?"

"So the fact that he brought you here, means that he's worried about your happiness, that he gets angry when people are mean to you... that means something."

"It means he feels sorry for me," I said sadly.

"No," Marcus said.

"It means he cares about you. More than he probably wants to admit."

I felt that fluttery feeling in my stomach again, but I pushed it away.

"Even if that's true," I said, "what happens when he realizes I'm not worth caring about?"

Marcus looked at me with kind eyes that reminded me of Kieran's.

"Laila," he said softly, "what if you're wrong? What if you're worth more than you think you are? What if you're exactly where you're supposed to be?"

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, I could belong somewhere.

But wanting something and believing it were two very different things and I was still too scared to hope.