Rogue

I wanted to say something. Anything to break the fucking ice. But the thought of my dad dying just brought it all home. I shook my head as we got into the elevator. Not only because I felt like I was on the way to the funeral home, but because I couldn’t bear the silence any longer.

That was when my phone started to buzz. As the doors closed, it stopped. I didn’t need to look at it to know that there could only be one person calling: Kathleen.

“Have you lived here long?” I turned to ask Claire. I was moving in with her whether we both liked it or not. We would have to get along. Small talk seemed to be the only way to break the ice.

That was when it dawned on me that I would be staying in this block. I remembered thinking as we drove through downtown that Claire’s apartment would be most likely on Hoover Avenue.

Not sure why I thought that?

After all, we were practically strangers. Since she graduated from law school, we had never seen each other. Well, part of that was because I had been in a cell and the other part was because I’d been too busy trying to score big time on the roulette wheel.

Our parents got married and then I got a job working at a coffee shop. It didn’t take long for me to get bored of that. Dad kept going on about me finding myself. Basketball was no longer my life and I had so much potential. He said that working in a job that wasn’t stressful for a year would be a good break, and it might encourage me to go to college. Even if it was just community college.

He was wrong.

I wanted more. So much fucking more. I just didn’t want to work for it. Poker used to be my thing. I used to win big time, but then I used to lose big time too. The stakes got too high, and once you hang around a certain circuit, unless you have the dough to keep it up, you pretty much get kicked to the side.

Unlike the wheel.

That one was just pure luck.

There was no mechanism or thought process on how to win roulette. It’s either red or black. Pick a lucky number and your game’s set for the night.

“Four years.”

Wow, she must be making some top dollars to be living here. As we went through the hallway and I followed her, unsure if she was turning left or right, I had to ask the question as she opened her door.

“So, do you rent or did you buy?”

She laughed as she stepped in and dropped her bag on a chair that was by the doorway.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Wow, Claire could actually smile. Until now, I’d thought that it was going to be difficult and she would continue to give me the cold shoulder. But that smile. It actually made me feel at ease.

As soon as she stepped in she took off her heels and let out a sigh of relief as she dumped her shoes right next to the refrigerator. The uptight Claire seemed to turn into a relaxed one in her own home. I wished I felt the same. I waited for her to tell me where my room was, or the rules on our staying together.

She surprised me when she said, “Want a beer?”

I nodded.

I was speechless.

Claire drank beer.

Maybe this wasn’t going to be as bad as I’d thought it would be. Claire inside her apartment was completely different from the uptight one that I’d met a few years ago. After all, she had beer and even though I shouldn’t be drinking anymore. I found that I didn’t need to divulge like I did when I was gambling. I didn’t need it to make me feel brave, I just wanted it once in a while to cool me down and take the edge off like right now.