LOGINMADISONMy cab pulls up in front of the apartment building like I'm a guest, when just a couple of weeks ago, this is the place I call home.The sun has already set, so those who are back home have turned on their lamps; the building looks cozy, dotted with warm squares of yellow all the way up to the floor where Caden lives.The nerves I managed to keep under control on my way here kick awake again. I turned down Asher's offer to drive me so he wouldn't see how shaky I am and start asking why visiting Caden makes me more anxious than any math test.Please, Caden, don't make me regret this.I've already wasted the excuse of calling my stubborn belief in his ability to change with enough love a "second chance." Coming here is a gamble I'm not sure I can afford. I want to believe the things he had said to me this morning. He made me a good breakfast this morning, and that has to count for something. Enough rambling, now! I clutch the lunchbox in my hand and breathe as steadily as I ca
CADENI just couldn't sleep the whole night. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Cara, and not in the way I usually dream of her and Mom in the house we used to have, but Cara on the asphalt, lying there bloody, in the pool of red.It's a tormenting nightmare, I know Reagan should know about it. She always tells me to share every shift in what I'm feeling so she can help me, but... I remember the few times I slept next to Mad. Those were the only nights I had any peace, and that realization had me panicked that if I moved on with Mad, it meant I'm letting Cara and Mom go forever.The thought pulls a small smile to my iron morning face now. I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom to shower and get ready.There's no class until eleven. My stomach is grumbling, so I head to the kitchen to see what I have. It's been a while since I did any grocery shopping, but the last time I did, I barely used what I bought, so I should be able to make something.I open the fridge and spot a bag
MADISONIt has been five days since the jumbotron kiss, but now that Asher and I have squashed things, I'm only focused on getting a hold of Bryan. It is obvious he has seen the video, and my bet is that it is before the second half of the game starts, because the Mavericks didn't only catch up in points, they completely destroy Bryan's team's seven-game unbeaten streak.And who is the shooter who keeps missing his shots? The same person who brings me to watch him play so he can impress me, only for me to end up mashing lips with the guy I insist is just my friend.Hearing how it sounds makes my ears hurt.I've left him so many voicemails that I've now finally given up and accepted that I am the villain."Arghhhh!" I scream into Asher's soft, spacious bed.I do not want to rub it in his face that he and Daniel are stuck on a single bed, but they really are nice for this."Are you in distress?" Asher calls from the living room, where the smell of breakfast is coming from."Worse. My li
MADISONFear is being stranded in a place someone brings you to, where transportation suddenly becomes a limited option.My late-night flight lands in SJC at midnight, and I grab a cab to a hotel in Palo Alto, ten minutes from the health center. I want to make my life easier, since I don't think I'll be checking out soon, not now that staying with Asher is off the table and getting an apartment will take a while.Hotel life it is for me. So Serena van der Woodsen, except without a parent.I don't have clothes or anything, but the shower feels like the hug I need right now.There isn't much to do afterward. I get into one of the free robes and cocoon myself under the sheets, trying to bury my thoughts so I can sleep, but rest is not for me. That's when the realization really hits, and I finally comprehend the trouble I've concocted since coming to school on the West Coast.First, there is Caden, who should be my stepbrother, not someone I nurture the L-word for. Then I make a friend, t
MADISONI believe this arena is said to be the biggest NBA arena in Los Angeles. Dad used to talk about it when he watched basketball on TV, something that never interested Caden.No Caden thoughts. I shake the reflection from my head and keep taking in the venue as Asher and I are led to our front-row seats."I can't believe this," Asher gaped around."Yeah," I agree. The fact that Bryan planned this is still too fresh in my head to fully grasp.I'm not used to being swept up and surprised with a grand gesture by a man, so it feels like a dream that I'm worthy of this."Here are your seats," the man shows us, and Asher immediately drops into his seat, laughing excitedly up at me. I smile at the contagious laughter."Mr. Tatum said to bring you to the backstage, if you will follow me," the man adds, distracting me from Asher's exaggerated, teasing eye-roll, as he mumbled "Oh, famous,""Yes, okay." I nod to the man. "I'll be back." I ruffle Asher's hair playfully before he can catch m
MADISONAsher's car has been at the service shop since yesterday, so Daniel is giving us a ride to school today. Since he isn't an early bird like us, we are probably going to be late for class.Luckily we aren't. We push open the double doors to the auditorium and step into a packed, noisy room."Argh, they've taken the front row," Asher groans as we look around for empty seats."I don't want it anyway," I mutter, squeezing into the fourth row where I spot a free space so we can sit next to each other."I don't think he's coming, like yesterday and the day before. He's probably dropped out as we speak," Asher jokes behind me. I almost spin around to tell him not to say that, but he has no clue about me and Caden. As far as he knows, Caden is just my annoying stepbrother. So I keep walking, swallowing down the bile in my throat.Forget him, I miserably tell myself.We don't even reach our seats before the professors walk in and the noise subsides. Everyone starts pulling out notes and







