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ASHLEY
Perfect. If I had to pick my mother's favourite word it would be perfect. She uses it in all her interviews especially when she's talking about her perfect husband, perfect family and of course, her perfect daughter.
I suppose everything is perfect for her, but only on paper because her daughter has far too many inner demons to be her 'perfect' little angel.
Here I am, Ashley Parker, the daughter of an award winning journalist and respected district attorney, on the floor of the school toilet with my fingers in my mouth as I try to force myself to throw up every last bit of food I unfortunately had to swallow at my mother's dinner party last night.
It's not an easy task but I'm motivated enough to go through with it and besides, I have done this so many times I'm practically a pro.
After I'm done, I get off the floor and start to make my way to the sinks so I can clean myself up.
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I don't believe in superheroes or guardian angels. I learnt from a very young age that believing there's someone out there looking out for you will get you nothing but disappointment as life will walk all over you nomatter what you believe in.But I trust my father one hundred percent and if I was a believer I would call him my guardian angel but it probably wouldn't be accurate, because my father is a ruthless tyrant.Unlike most parents, my father has never let me down, he's never lied to me and he readily gives me what I ask for. And that's what I'm counting on in this moment as I enter his home office."Father," I say as I walk further into his office.My dad looks up from his laptop, his face seemingly emotionless but I know better. "Mckayla.""I need to talk to you." I get straight to the point."Can't it wait?""I'm afraid it
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Today started out as a good day, very good in fact I would say I was genuinely in good spirits.So how did I get here, how did I go from on top of the world happy to lying on my bathroom floor crying, and wondering how to quickly and painlessly kill myself?Well let's start from the beginning, shall we. I woke up in a relatively good mood today. Recently I have been in a good place. My friends have been really good to me and it's been fun and somewhat normal hanging out with them. Aside from my little panic attack and losing my journal, everything has been perfect.But I can't give all the credit to my friends. They are great, yes, but he's on another level. Mr Zukov, my guidance counselor slash English teacher has been amazing on a whole another level. A big part of why I have been in a really good place recently has to do with him. He's the best kind of therapy, everytime I think about our sessions or him coming
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There are times when I get so high that I feel like a completely different person. And I'm not just talking regular people kind of different, but I feel like Spiderman or Superman and when it's really good, Kristen is right up there with me, being my Gwen Stacy. I wish that feeling would last forever but nothing that good ever lasts for a long time, much less forever.And unfortunately I can't be high all the time, especially at home because my parents would definitely notice and all hell would break loose."No cellphones at the dinner table." My mother curtly reminds me."I'm just texting Max real quick." I lie because telling the truth would mean admitting that I'm actually ogling Kristen's Instagram pictures. Damn, I really wish Max had posted more pictures on Kristen's account but for the one will do. She looks so cute I just have to screenshot it."Well I don't care what you are doing." My mothe
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