Mag-log in.Chapter 231Rian I didn't move.His fingers were still around my wrist. Loose now. Warm. His eyes were shut and his mouth was a little open, and his breathing was slow and heavy, the pill kind of heavy, the kind you can't fake."Jo," I whispered. "Baby. Who told you?"Nothing."Jovian. Look at me. Who told you that?"His hand slid off my wrist and dropped onto the blanket. He made a little sound, rolled his face into the pillow, and went still.I stood there bent over his bed for a long time with my hand still in the air where his fingers left it.Then I sat down on the floor.I didn't mean to. My legs just stopped. I sat with my back against his bed frame and my knees up and I stared at the laundry bag in the corner, the one with all his little paper squares at the bottom, and I couldn't breathe right.He was so full of that pill he couldn't even hold his own head up when I put the hoodie on him. People say crazy things in their sleep. My mom used to sit up in bed and talk about g
Chapter 230RianHe looked so good in my hoodie.It was way too big on him. The sleeves came down past his fingers and the hood was bunched up behind his neck, and the gray made his red hair look even brighter on the pillow. I put it on him myself around one thirty. It took forever. He was so heavy and floppy from the pill that I had to hold his arm up and feed it through the sleeve one finger at a time, and he didn't even open his eyes. He just made this little sound and turned his face into my shoulder.I almost cried. I'm serious.Now I was sitting in the chair by his desk with my knees pulled up and my chin on them, and I was just watching him breathe."You know what the best part of today was?" I said.He didn't answer. Obviously."The flashlight." I smiled. "When the nurse said open, and you opened. When she said lift, and you lifted. You looked so mad, baby. Your ears went all red. But you did it anyway. You did exactly what you were told."I hugged my knees tighter."I've been
Chapter 229Jovian "Dr. Whitlow wants to see you.""Now? I'm eating."She looked at my eggs. "No, you're not. Come on."Dr. Whitlow's door was open. I walked in and stopped.Rian was sitting on the couch.My couch. The couch where I cried every Tuesday and Friday about the other one, about the drawings, about waking up in the hallway with cold feet. He was sitting right in the middle of it with a tissue balled up in his hand and his eyes all red and puffy. When he saw me he made this little broken sound and covered his mouth."Sit down, Jovian," Dr. Whitlow said.I didn't sit down. "What's going on?""Rian came to me this morning. He's very worried about you.""I'm sorry," Rian said, before I could say anything. His voice cracked right down the middle. "I'm so sorry, Jo. Please don't hate me. I didn't know what else to do.""What did you do?""He found a pill under your mattress," Dr. Whitlow said. "Your sleeping pill. From the night before last."I looked at Rian. He looked at the f
Chapter 228JovianI stood in the bathroom doorway with toothpaste still on my lip and my whole body went cold.Rian kept turning the pill between his fingers. Slow. Patient. He wasn't angry. That was the worst part. He looked at me the way you look at a little kid who drew on the wall with a marker and is now trying to hide the marker behind his back."Baby," he said again. "I asked you a question.""It made me throw up."It came out of my mouth so fast I didn't even know I was going to say it until it was already out there in the room between us.Rian tilted his head. "What?""Last week. Thursday, I think. Maybe Wednesday, I don't know, the days all look the same in here." I wiped the toothpaste off my lip with the back of my hand and made myself walk toward him instead of away. "I took it and I threw up in the sink like ten minutes later. Everything. Dinner, the pill, all of it. So last night I spat it out because I didn't want to spend another night with my face in that gross meta
Chapter 227JovianI didn't move.Rian's fingers kept going through my hair, slow, over and over. I kept my breathing heavy and even, and inside my chest my heart was trying to climb out through my throat."You were so brave today," he whispered. "Standing up to Marcus. But you don't have to be brave, baby. That's my job."I kept my eyes almost closed. Just a slit. I could see the edge of his gray sleeve in the dark."He left you, you know," Rian whispered. "Aiden. Two months, and not one call. Not one letter. He's carrying boxes into some rich guy's building, and he hasn't thought about you once." He leaned closer. His breath was warm on my ear. "Everybody leaves you. Your mom. Him. I'm the only one who stays. Say it in your sleep for me. I'm the only one who stays."I didn't say anything. Dead asleep people don't say anything.He waited. Then he sighed, soft, like he wasn't disappointed, just patient."That's okay," he said. "We've got time."He stood up. His knees cracked. He walke
Chapter 226JovianNobody said anything in that hallway for a long time.Marcus stood in the doorway of the quiet room with his arms crossed. Rian stood behind me with his arm around my waist. And I stood in the middle in my bare feet, cold all the way up to my teeth, looking from one of them to the other."He's confused," Rian said again, softer. "Come on, baby. Let's get you back to bed.""I'm not confused," Marcus said. "I've got a window. I've got eyes.""You've got a lot of medication in you, Marcus.""So does he." Marcus nodded at me. "Doesn't mean I didn't see what I saw."The night aide's chair squeaked at the end of the hall. Somebody was waking up. Rian's arm tightened around my waist, just a little."Jovian," he said in my ear. "Let's go."I let him walk me back to my room. I let him tuck the blanket around me like I was five. I let him kiss my forehead and tell me I was safe and he'd see me at breakfast. He slipped out the door, pushed up and lifted, and the lock clicked b
Aiden’s POV Dr. Patel kept clicking through screens like my entire future wasn’t hanging by a thread, muttering about “system flags” and “additional documentation” while I sat there nodding like a broken toy, hoodie still knotted around my waist, ass stinging every time I shifted. She finally pri
Aiden’s POV I stood there against that brick wall outside the subway exit for what felt like forever, just breathing in shaky little bursts and wiping my face on my sleeve like that would erase the last twenty minutes. My jeans were fucked ripped open at the back seam, hanging half off one hip, th
Aiden’s POV “Do you want me to f*ck you harder?” Chris’ voice is deep and sexy. “Yes, yes. Please I’m com-” "Shh, baby. You need to call me by my name," he whispered. "Chris, Chris... please..." I begged. "No, no, no." He shook his head, signaling that I had given him the wrong answer. His sha
Aiden’s POV I walked in an awkward, uneven way, trying to hide how sore I felt. By the time I reached Eric’s door and knocked, my legs felt weak and shaky. I was already regretting not calling in sick, but bills don’t pay themselves and I needed this. Eric opened the door fast like he had been wai







