「2」Memories That Didn’t Belong To Me

LEON

“CUT!” yelled the director. My co-actor and I immediately broke the tension by smiling at each other.

“That was exhausting,” she remarked, laughing.

“Tell me all about it,” I said.

“Way to go, you two!” The director rose from his seat and approached us. As he moved, his belly fat jiggled. He stood about 4 feet 8 inches tall and had a rounded body.

Natasha, her stage name, said, “Thank you, Director Kim.” It was an honor for her to be praised.

Director Kim laughed and looked at me, saying, “And you, Leon, you’re getting better at this.”

I scratched the back of my head lightly with my left hand. “Thank you, Director,” I replied. “It’s also because of you. You really assisted me in bringing out my best,” I added.

My words of thanks made the middle-aged man blush. “You, Leon!” He then smacked my arm playfully to show his delight. “Enough with the flattery. Now, I want you two to rehearse your next scene,” he changed the subject and reverted to his “director” persona.

“Okay, see you later, Director,” Natasha said immediately, and even kissed Director Kim goodbye.

“Sorry, Natasha. That won’t work on me,” the Director joked, but it was also true.

Kim, the director, is gay. He was open about his sexuality from the moment I met him. He had worked on several indie films, the majority of which received positive feedback. We began filming his new film, Don’t Lie To Me, My Love, two months ago.

The plot revolved around two newlywed young couples. They were completely engrossed in each other and rushed everything between them. They realized how much they disagreed with each other’s ideas as they spent more time together. Their relationship deteriorated, and one of them fell out of love. Angelo (as portrayed by me) was completely absorbed in his work. He ignored his wife’s longing for him and left her wondering if it was worth it to marry him. Helen (played by Natasha) attempted to solve their problem. When Angelo refused to let her speak, she took a break and went on a solo vacation. There, she would meet Nathaniel, a young, free-spirited man a few years her junior.

I don’t want to make this any longer. To be honest, it had a clear conflict and conclusion. However, Director Kim has always liked to spice up his works. During the first half of the film, the audience would most likely side with Helen and blame Angelo for neglecting her. They’d despise my character and everything. But things would take a turn, and it would be revealed that Helen was a serial cheater from the start. She had already cheated on Angelo with five different men before they married. She always started their argument, no matter how minor it was. Angelo turned cold towards her because he didn’t want to say anything hurtful to Helen. Angelo went insane when he found out. Who wouldn’t, after all?

To summarize, Angelo would be involved in a car accident and die alone. Isn’t it tragic?

━━━━━━ ◦ ◦ ━━━━━━

“DOES he know yet?” Alynna inquired abruptly.

“Huh?” I replied, perplexed. I was prepping for our next shoot by reading the lines.

“Dummy, Sheldon!” She elaborated. “Does he know yet?” she said again, completely disregarding the fact that I was in the middle of a self-rehearsal.

My head shook. “No. I didn’t get to speak with him about it,” I admitted.

I exclaimed in my head, [Because we had sex all night!]

Alynna sat by my side, dismayed, and clicked her tongue. She still hadn’t figured out that I wasn’t available to speak with. “You guys had better communicate properly! Staying that way isn’t good for you, Leon!” Alynna sighed.

“I know,” I agreed for the time being. Arguing with Alynna was like entering a battle unarmed. You’d die from her never-ending advice bullets.

“Don’t misunderstand me, Leon,” she defended. “I’m envious of people who can be intimate. But keeping things that bother you from your lover is much more difficult, you know?” She began rambling. “How will Sheldon react if he discovers that you’re having repetitive nightmares and haven’t told him about it? Doesn’t that seem unjust?”

[What on earth is she on about?] I was thinking to myself. [If she puts it that way, it sounds like I’ve been keeping secrets from Sheldon and not trying to make things right with him, which is not the case. I simply don’t want to think about my nightmares.]

“It’s fine, Alynna. I’m going—” She interrupted me by shushing me.

“No way, Leon. It. Is. Not. All right,” she insisted, and I sighed. She gasped when she noticed the script I was holding. “Oh my! You were practicing?” She half-screamed, stood up, and apologized to me immediately. “I’m sorry, Leon! I didn’t realize you were in your script!”

I laughed. “It’s fine,” I said, but she refused to budge. As expected of Alynna.

“Oh shit! And here I am, yelling at the top of my lungs!” she thought to herself. “Sorry. I’ll talk to you later,” she said as she excused herself and scrambled away.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at her outbursts. Alynna was the type of person who would force you to talk about your problems with her, which some people might find repulsive. But she genuinely cared about her friends. Derrick, on the other hand... Derrick would always be Derrick.

I returned my attention to my script. Soon after, the production assistant summoned me and informed me that it was time for our next scene.

━━━━━━ ◦ ◦ ━━━━━━

“HELEN, I’m going on a business trip. Let’s talk about it some other time,” I said to my wife without looking her in the eyes.

I’m Angelo from the movie right now. Helen started another argument with me about spending quality time together and going somewhere.

“Really? You’re just going to cut us off like this?” Helen scoffed in disbelief. “How much do you despise me now, Angelo?” She went on the offensive return.

I paused from tying my tie and turned to face her. “Hate? What gives you that impression?” I responded with a question.

Helen burst into tears. “You don’t say it, Angelo, but I can feel it. You despise me,” she insisted.

I clicked my tongue, annoyed that our relationship was disintegrating. “Stop complicating things, Helen,” I said as calmly as I could.

“Complicating?” she retorted, scoffing. “So now I’m complicating things?” Helen hugged herself and sobbed uncontrollably. “I’m attempting to mend our relationship here, Angelo!” she yelled.

“Are we going to do it again? Helen?” I yelled angrily at her. “I have a flight to catch in two hours. Do you really need to cause a commotion right now?”

Helen screamed, as if she was cursing me for interfering with her ability to express her feelings about the situation. “Angelo, how can you be so shallow?! I’m extremely upset at you!” she screamed.

I didn’t want to argue with her anymore, so I turned away from her. I finished tying my neck tie and took my luggage with me. Helen called out to me as I was about to leave our room.

“Don’t leave me behind, Angelo,” she pleaded.

“I told you—”

“Don’t leave me behind.”

[Huh? What was that all about?] I questioned myself.

I suddenly remembered something. But it was too hazy to tell what it was. I tried to ignore the uneasy feeling and returned to the scene.

“I told you—”

“Don’t leave me behind, (.....)!”

[That happened yet again!] I thought and completely lost track of my next line.

People around me were perplexed as to why I stuttered. I noticed some of the crew waving their hands at me, signaling me to keep acting. Director Kim was speaking to me, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying.

Natasha, like everyone else, was perplexed when I looked at her. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“Stay with me…”

[Is it possible that I’m recalling someone else’s memory?] I reconsidered. I had no idea I was acting strangely in front of everyone. I was holding my head with two hands and kneeling on the ground.

“Why are you leaving me behind, (.....)?!”

“(.....), come back to me!”

These words rang in my head over and over. The voice was in excruciating pain. I lost my mind as it kept repeating.

“Cut! Cut! Cut!” Director Kim finally exclaimed.

I exclaimed and was yanked back into reality. Alynna and Derrick were running towards me. Derrick assisted me in standing while Alynna checked on me.

“Are you all right?” Alynna inquired, concerned. I gave a weak nod.

“Pull yourself together, man,” Derrick said as he carefully pulled me up and helped me maintain my balance.

“Are you okay, Leon?” Director Kim stepped in.

“I am. I apologize for the inconvenience, everyone,” I said weakly.

“It’s all right. You must be exhausted. For the time being, return home and rest. Send me a message when you arrive home safely, please.” he said, and I agreed.

“Thank you,” I said to Director Kim, who motioned for Alynna and Derrick to send me off.

━━━━━━ ◦ ◦ ━━━━━━

DERRICK drove me home in his car, and Alynna accompanied him.

“Would you mind telling us now?” Derrick spoke up.

“Keep your eyes on the road, stupidhead,” Alynna reprimanded. “How do you feel now, Leon?” she inquired. She accompanied me to the car’s back seat.

Before responding, I took a deep breath. “I saw someone’s vague memory.”

“Huh?!” Derrick reacted in exaggeration. “Are you a medium, man?” he remarked. I saw Alynna brandishing daggers at him. Derrick saw it through the rearview mirror and gulped.

“Whose memory is it, exactly?” Alynna challenged me.

I sighed softly. “I’m not sure,” I said.

“Does it have anything to do with your recurring dreams?” she inquired.

“Sort of,” I admitted hesitantly. “I can’t tell whose memory it was,” I said, staring out the window of the car next to me. “The individual…” I paused. “The guy who kept repeating those words... It seemed like the words he kept saying were directed at me,” I explained.

“Geez, Leon, that’s creepy. To be honest,” Derrick said.

“Shut up, Derrick!” Alynna yelled. Derrick shivered.

“No. Derrick is correct, Alynna. It’s creeping me out as well,” I defended. “I’ll talk to Sheldon about it,” I said.

“Make certain you do,” Alynna advised.

We arrived at Sheldon’s house not long after. It surprised my boyfriend to see them, so I told him they knew about us and that he could trust them not to spread rumors about our relationship. Alynna informed Sheldon of what occurred during the shooting. And, surprisingly, Sheldon remained calm throughout their conversation, until Alynna and Derrick took off.

━━━━━━ ◦ ◦ ━━━━━━

“DRINK some water, Leon,” Sheldon said as he handed me a half-full glass of water.

I accepted it and drank the entire glass of water. Sheldon was looking at me with a worried expression. He did it for a few seconds, as if he was waiting for me to say something. “What?” I said, breaking the awkward silence between us.

“How come you didn’t tell me anything?” he began. He appeared disappointed, but I could tell he was more hurt than angry.

“I didn’t want you to be concerned. I expected it to stop after a few days. I honestly didn’t expect this to happen,” I admitted. Lying to this man was pointless. It would only make things worse.

“Didn’t?” Sheldon declared. “I’m your boyfriend, Leon. What kind of boyfriend is unaware that his lover is suffering from something and is unable to console them because they are ignorant of the situation?” he exclaimed.

“I see what you’re saying. I’m sorry for keeping quiet until now,” I admitted.

“No. Don’t give me that excuse, Leon,” Sheldon said.

[What exactly is going on here? What’s the deal with Sheldon’s rage? Is he upset because I informed Alynna and Derrick before him?] I thought as I stared at him, puzzled.

“Sheldon, are you m—?”

“I am not, Leon,” he interrupted. “I am not,” he said again, this time more calmly. And his expression had changed to one of sadness.

I reached out my hand and caressed his left cheek. “I apologize for causing you concern. I won’t do it again,” I apologized sincerely.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice at you, too,” he apologized.

[Oh, my boyfriend is so handsome,] I suddenly thought.

Even before we became lovers, Sheldon was appealing to me. I admired the way his eyes seemed to pierce right through you if he stared at you long enough. They were bluish gray in color. He once told me he was half-blood, but we never talked about it. His skin had become tanned. He had a good build for someone who didn’t exercise. He had a seductive jawline. He was a truly lovely man.

I’d never dated a guy before, and I’d never dated a girl either. Sheldon was the beginning of everything. He was the one who stood beside me when I was completely lost and unable to find my way through this hostile world.

And yet, I did something selfish that disappointed him.

“Sheldon…” I said.

“Yes?” He replied sweetly.

“It’s all about my dreams…”

to be continued