40: I’m just pretending

Back at the apartment, I feel restless, I walk from the living room to the dining room and back, over and over again. I’m biting my nails, I can’t help it. I hid the bottle of pills inside my makeup bag, I’m still not sure what I want to do with it. That’s the reason I feel so nervous, the presence of the bottle in the apartment has me on the edge. I was going to toss the pills down the toilet, but my mom’s words kept ringing in my mind, ‘do it for your brother’, she really hit a tender spot with that sentence and now I feel torn apart, unsure of what to do. I don’t want to become a criminal just like the rest of them, but I a