004

Three years later

RAE

Just like he said that was how the so-called marriage turned out to be, it was more like we were strangers trying to cohabit together while actively avoiding each other. I would not even use the term roommate to classify the relationship we have. He leaves the house very early and returns late, more times I feel like a prisoner. He forbids me from leaving the house without him or having a proper reason to, it made me feel like a prisoner and three years of living in misery had gone by so painfully that a part of me had accepted that life.

I had to put up a smile and act like everything was fine when I was in public and in front of his family while behind the doors I was slipping further into depression every day. I have tried everything to get closer to him, to be accepted by him but every attempt was futile to the point that I began to think something might be wrong with me or how I looked that he couldn’t look at me twice. I tried to make his breakfast one day and he threw the plate across the wall and choked me, almost snapping the life out of me. He warned me never to try it again.

I kept wondering how long I would continue to live the way I lived. He hated me more than anything and wasn’t hiding it, his face showed it whenever he saw me, the anger always evident in his voice when I spoke to me.

“Ma’am” a voice snapped me out of my thoughts

“I am sorry, what did you say?” I asked sitting up

“Congratulations,” the doctor said with a big smile

I was feeling funny and because I couldn’t go out to a hospital, I had to invite the family doctor to prescribe something I could use. What I didn’t get was why he was cheesing brightly in my face.

“What are you talking about? Can you get me some meds my head is hurting and I feel nauseous” I told him

“Yes it is a good pain, once again congratulations” he smiled

“What are you talking about?” I let out an awkward laugh

“You are pregnant,” he said happily, I opened my mouth to speak but choked on my saliva instead

“I would give you something for the morning sickness other than that you are fine-” he said with a big smile, he kept on talking but everything sounded like a blur, the pounding in my chest was so loud that it felt like my heart was in my ears.

“That would be all if you don't mind I will take my leave” his voice became clear again

“Wait!” I didn't know when I shouted at the top of my voice

“Can I take it out?” I asked and he looked at me utterly shocked by my question, I was the only one that could ever understand he wouldn't

“It is about three months now, it is a bit late for an abortion. At this stage, it would have to be carried out surgically and that carries more risks” he explained slowly causing the beating in my heart to become even louder

“But if you want to go ahead with it we-” he stopped halfway, I ran my hand through my hair in frustration

“I will let you know,” I told him

“Could you not let anyone know about it?” I asked my body jittering anxiously

“No one?” he asked

“Yes please” I begged with tears brimming in my eyes

“I wouldn't, call me if you need anything and you have to make a decision quickly before it is too late” he smiled sadly at me almost like he felt sorry for me

“Thank you” I whispered

I sat there in shock of how I was to process what just happened, it hit me too fast I didn't know how to react to it.

It was one night, a night that we were in bed together and I was pregnant. Worse, how could I be pregnant for three months and be clueless about it? The more I thought back at it the more my head hurt. About three months ago Axel came home drunk and he barged into my room and forced himself on me. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong for me, I could still feel his grip on my wrist and his strong alcohol-filled breath on my face. I cried until the next morning and when he woke up he looked at me in disgust before leaving the room and never said a word about it like it never happened.

Tears rolled down my eyes thinking back at what happened that night, I was lost and confused.

What was I going to do?

How was I going to tell him?

How would he react to it? I could already picture what his reaction would be if he found out about it.

I heard his footsteps as he walked down the hallway and I immediately wiped my tears and rushed out to meet him

“Axel” I called as he was about to walk down the stairs, he turned to me with a scorn on his face then glared at me from head to toe and kept on walking down the stairs

“I have a question” I let out

“Then fucking speak” he hissed not stopping

“What would happen if I'm pregnant?” I didn't know when I coughed it out, he paused and rushed towards me with so much speed that I almost tripped as I tried to back away from him

“Are you?” he asked his blue eyes piercing into mine like he was trying to read my thoughts

“No-no-no, I'm just asking” I stuttered lying through my teeth

“Better because if you ever are, the doctor would come over to rip that bastard out” he shot at me with so much venom and hatred that I couldn't describe, and with that, he walked away.

I slumped to the ground balling my eyes out, it was hard to take in harder than I thought, way harder than I could have ever imagined. Sooner or later he was going to find out about it and he would do just as he has said.

What was I going to do?