CHAPTER 4: PAPER CARESSES

There was not so much tension that now cornering what became of us. The invisibility of an imaginary wall did not interfere, nothing to prevent its disturbing closeness. It didn't do me good to have him a few inches away.

“Ismail…”

"Tell me I'm not delusional or something" He inspected my face, caressing my cheek until it brought the crimson embarrassment over my complexion.

I forced myself to stand back and pretend it didn't affect me at all.

"You shouldn't be surprised that he's here, you knew beforehand that he would come" I replied using an icy tone.

"I thought another Marianne Lombardi would arrive" he whispered, outlining a smile. He was joking, and he was doing it in an unfunny moment, I'm really glad you're here.

I swallowed hard, why was he smiling? was he doing it on purpose? He knew how much he could make me nervous and he wasn't helping me. Suddenly a dangerous heat enveloped me, I tried to appease it by backing away from its scorching physiognomy.

“Flower…”

"Don't call me that" I protested earnestly, the faster we start, the better.

Get to the point without so much detour.

I was weaving an illusion. I couldn't stand the bundle of nerves in the pit of my stomach anymore, I had to contain myself, keep us on the sidelines if I didn't want to become a prisoner of a sea of suffering.

“Whatever you say, Marianne, please take a seat” He emitted walking towards his chair.

I drew strength from the depths of my being, needing a dose of courage to move forward, still under his deep attention as a hunting wolf. It happened that inside me everything was collected, giving way to a powerful tsunami. Far from looking immutable in the black seat, an irrational fear was eating me up.

"Can I offer you a coffee?" he inquired, clasping his hands on the desk.

I looked at him fleetingly.

“No, thanks” I answered courteously, looking inside my bag for the tablet.

It completely cracked me up, looking at the ring on her finger. There was the clear sign that updating him on his son would be a bad idea.

Ismail was a married man with a family. Just when I thought nothing could be worse, my attention was drawn to the photograph behind him. A little girl with two pigtails hugging him, alongside a beautiful woman completing the family circle. Without mistake, I was faced with the harsh reality.

“How have you been?”

"I thought I would ask the questions" I blurted out cold.

"There's nothing wrong with me wanting to know about you, you have been part of my life, neither you nor I can erase that, Marianne, he remembered.

"There's no point in bringing up the past" Except when you have a beautiful family, congratulations Ismail, I added with a chest squeeze.

Somewhat surprised, he didn't say anything at first, then he turned and took the picture frame.

“It's Lizzy, our little four-year-old daughter” He expressed with a hint of pride in his voice.

That he did not deny it confirmed his excellent relationship with the Russian, the mother of his daughter.

“"I'm happy for you, it's beautiful, I whispered sincerely, despite the fact that knowing it was the father of a girl was a biting truth”

When he returned the photo to its place, he paid close attention to me. So, I started with the interview, there were ten questions in total, Ismail gave some concise answers, others longer ones, but all of them emitted with such spontaneity that it shouldn't have surprised me why Anastasia set his target. The man knew what he was talking about, the business facet seemed admirable and perfect to me.

After stringing together some important points in his career, I ended the match.

"A will we see again?"

"Are you kidding me?" There is no reason for me to want to see you again, Ismail, I mumbled rolling my eyes.

I put my things away and got up. My brain was screaming exhaustively to run for the exit without turning around, not realizing for a second that the burly man present stirred the feelings of my being needing more than we ever gave each other.

I would not commit an infraction, the mistake or the sin of staring at his lips, knowing that his taste did not belong to me, I was not going to run into his arms without owning that executive driving me crazy, everything I could not do, it slowed me down, it kept me away from nonsense.

“It has been a pleasure to meet you in the workplace, thank you for taking the time to assist me” I pronounced out of pure formality.

But not even a handshake I dared to give him.

“To you for agreeing to give the interview and not granting it to any of your colleagues, just for being me, or are you going to tell me you didn't even think about it?”

He didn't even make the move to say goodbye.

"I'm not a girl anymore, Ismail, as an adult that I am, I take my work seriously, which I do not mix with the personal, so with your permission, I'm leaving”

I came out with an outrage on the inside. Walking towards the elevator I felt the crying, inescapable, rise up my throat. The inexorable sensation burned on my skin, painting everything in pain. I tugged at the chains of unease, as if he had made me his prisoner. I tried to free myself, but I felt more like a slave, a loser, so I resigned myself to being trapped in the gloomy dungeons of a man whom I loved with such intensity that a powerful pain imprisoned us.

Behind me the remains of a battle scratching, tearing the love that was not made to the idea that the end was already written. Something that my heart differed, determined to leave the story unfinished.

The young man from the valet parking brought my car, I tipped him, without further ado, got in the Nissan and drove away. The day was already close to noon, just in time to stop by Isaac and take him to eat with me.

The best way to clear my mind, to heal myself, to be happy and forget about sadness. Upon arrival I saw him leaving among the crowd of students. He managed to see me and widened a smile, he was surprised that it wasn't Aunt Kelly, who was looking for him.

“Mother!” He greeted happily, got on as co-pilot.

"Hello, sweetie, finally I was able to come for you, do you still want a delicious ice cream?” I asked as he put on his seatbelt.

He looked at me with a huge smile.

“Brilliant” he said raising a thumb.

"Chocolate or vanilla?"

“Chocolate” he pronounced obviously.

…

“How was your day, excellent or regular”

We had sat at one of the tables that the ice cream parlor had.

“Excellent, I got an A in Miss Patterson's class” He blurted out taking another spoon to his mouth.

That explained his good humor.

“Hey, congratulations, this is my son” I celebrated ruffling her hair.

“Thanks Mom. How did the interview go?”

"It went well…" I cleared my throat, looking for a topic to change the course of the conversation, do you want me to order pizza tonight?

“Or you could make lasagna, please mom, I like pizza but it doesn't compare to lasagna” he assured.

“I didn't want to cook, but I'll make an exception for you, plus you deserve it, sweetie” I promised.

As soon as we got home, I started to make lunch. Something simple, for both of us. I had no idea that Aaron would arrive at that moment. I opened the door for her, still wearing my kitchen apron. He, as usual, left a kiss on my lips.

I didn't feel anything, it had just been a random touch, without sparking or causing a tingle in me. I stepped aside for him to pass. It's not that I disliked his presence, but I would have liked him to warn me before he showed up.

“I'm sorry I haven't called you these days, work completely absorbed me, but I have this weekend off, do you want to have dinner with me?”

“No”

"If something doesn't pop up all of a sudden, that's fine, but I warn you, plans could change"

“Understand. Where is Isaac?”

"Now in your room" Have you eaten?

“No, and of course it will be a pleasure to have lunch with you” he hastened to say.

“OK. I still have to make the salad, if you want you can help me”

“Alright” During the meal, Isaac did not deign to give him a look, not even a word except the dry greeting he issued when he saw him. I tried to dilute the silence by talking about trivial things, but my boyfriend decided to get involved in the matter of the interview. If I knew that something linked me to Ismail, surely, I would not have started talking about him.

"No, everything went well.

“They say that Al-Murabarak is a difficult guy, my father did business with him a while ago. It all ended in a dispute, which was later settled, he's good at what he does” He mentioned oblivious to a truth that with every minute became a huge lie.

"Al-Murabarak is a strange name" my son spoke for the first time in all that time. But it's a big automotive empire, did you interview the owner?

"Something like that, finish your food, please."

"And you didn't tell me, Mom" You could have taken me with you, I love cars. he reproached.

“Well, that was not going to be possible, sweetie, you know I can't take you to work with me”

“Your mother is right, but I could take you to a car race this Friday” He looked at me asking for my permission and I nodded.

“Would you do that for me?” He asked incredulously.

"I promise, what do you say?"

“Only if it's in the front row” he conditioned

"Isaac…" I gave him a dirty look.

"Don't worry" he brushed it off, now that he was able to move forward with Isaac, he would please him down to the smallest detail. So it will be, Isaac.

My son held out his hand, sealing a kind of deal and promise, with a squeeze.

On Friday, after being alone, I took the opportunity to review the novel. Before, I searched among old boxes for the rag doll, the first thing I saw in one was the hard, dark cover of that notebook. I forgot the reason for the search with my eyes fixed on that object that without searching, I found.