5

DEV

For half a second, I keep staring at Julian because my brain refuses to decide what I am seeing. His eyes were brown when he kissed me. I know they were. Now the color has flooded red around his pupils, bright enough that my stomach drops.

“Dev?”

I jerk away and nearly hit the couple dancing behind me. “I have to go.”

Julian catches my wrist. “Wait. Did I do something?”

The touch sends panic through me. I pull free, mumble something I do not remember, and shove through the crowd until the cold outside air hits my face. Maya finds me near the curb. I tell her I feel sick, which gets me into her car without explaining why Julian has already texted twice before we make it out of the neighborhood.

Mom’s car is gone when Maya drops me off. My head feels too warm, the pill turning every thought soft around the edges while Julian’s eyes keep surfacing anyway.

I am halfway upstairs when Nico steps out of his room.

“There you are.”

“Move.”

He plants himself in the middle of the hall. “I know your secret.”

Everything in me stops. There is no way he knows.

Nico watches my face long enough to enjoy whatever he sees there, then smiles. “You really thought I didn’t see you with my tank top?”

The laundry room comes back in one humiliating flash. His black tank top in my hands. Me checking the doorway before lifting it to my face because it still smelled like him after his workout.

My stomach twists. “Get out of my way.”

“You were fucking smelling it, Varma.”

“Nico.”

“Was that all you did?”

I shove his shoulder. He barely moves.

His smile fades. “You jerk off thinking about me too?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“That you want me.”

I laugh because the alternative is punching him. “You dragged this out just so I could tell you how irresistible you are?”

His hand closes around my shirt and pulls me closer. “I saw you with my clothes pressed to your face like some creep. You don’t get to act disgusted now.”

I grab his wrist. “Let go.”

“Did you think about my dick while you were doing it?”

Heat hits my face so hard he gets his answer before I can lie. Nico looks down between us, then back at me.

“Jesus Christ,” he murmurs. “You really do.”

I shove him harder. This time he shoves back. My shoulder hits the wall, and I swing at him before I think better of it. Nico catches my arm, twists me around, and we stumble into his doorway while I try to wrench free. He gets an arm around my middle and drags me backward against him.

“Get the fuck off me.”

“You started it.”

“You blocked the hall!”

I throw my weight forward. He hauls me back, his breath hitting the side of my face. His chest is tight against my back and his arm locked around my waist. My body picks the worst possible moment to remember I have wanted him before.

Nico feels me go still. “So that’s what this is.”

“Shut up.”

He turns me and pins me against the wall. His face is close enough that I can see sweat dried near his hairline. His eyes move over my mouth.

“You want me that bad?”

“I want you to choke.”

His thumb catches my chin when I turn away. “Look at me.”

I knock his hand aside. “Fuck…off.”

Then his mouth hits mine.

The kiss is hard and mean enough that the back of my head bumps the wall. I freeze before anger catches up. Both hands hit his chest and I shove him away.

He looks at me, and his eyes flash red.

I gasp.

The explanation I gave myself at the party dies right there in the hallway. Julian kissed me and his eyes changed. Nico did the same thing, and now that impossible red is staring back at me again.

“Nico…”

“What?”

I scramble away, nearly lose my footing, then run. He calls after me, but I make it into my room and slam the door hard enough to rattle the frame. I lock it and stand there trying to breathe while my hands shake against the wood.

Julian’s name lights up my phone again.

Are you okay?

Did I scare you?

Please answer me.

I almost call Mom. My thumb hovers over her contact until the thought of saying she was right makes my chest seize harder. I slide down beside the bed instead.

The pill is hitting too hard now. I close my eyes and Julian is kissing me again while Nico holds my hips from behind. Nico’s cock is inside me in the next flash, each thrust pushing me harder against Julian while Julian kisses me like he wants to swallow every sound I make. The image changes again and Julian is between my legs with his mouth around my cock while Nico pins my wrists above my head.

“Stop.”

My cock twitches against my jeans anyway, which makes the panic worse. I open my eyes, breathing too fast, and a knock hits the door.

“Dev?”

Julian.

I am on my feet before I think about how he got inside. When I open the door, he is standing there watching me with concern.

“Julian? What are you doing here?”

“Are you all right?”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re here.”

I throw my arms around him. He stiffens, then one hand settles against my back. I press my face into his chest and hold on because everything has been moving too fast since the party and he is warm.

“Dev, what happened?”

“I just need a hug right now.”

My hand moves across his back and down his side. He catches my wrist.

“What are you doing, kid?”

“I said I need a hug.” I pull my hand free and cling to him again. “My mom might be right. I think she’s actually right. I shouldn’t have gone to that party. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t have done anything tonight.”

“Dev, slow down.”

“I ruined everything. I’m never leaving this house again. I’ll do school online. I’ll order food. I’ll become a complete fucking shut-in if that’s what it takes.”

“You’re not making sense.”

“I know.”

I finally step back. My skin is hot and my head feels full of static. Looking at Julian makes me want something simple enough that I can stop thinking for ten seconds.

“Right now I just need some warmth.”

His expression changes as I lean closer.

“Dev, we shouldn’t.”

“I know.”

I kiss him.

His body goes rigid. I grip his shirt and press closer anyway, chasing the warmth I asked for until something in my vision steadies. I break the kiss and look at him properly.

The gray at his temples registers first. Then the older face around them.

The man in front of me is Victor.

I stagger backward and fall hard onto the floor. “What the fuck?”

“Dev.”

“What the fuck?” I push myself away from him. “Victor, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I heard you slam the door. I came up because I was concerned.”

“That was you?” My mouth feels numb. “That whole time?”

Victor takes a step toward me.

“Don’t.”

He stops, and his eyes turn red.

The warning Mom gave me that morning comes back with sickening clarity. Julian kissed me at the party. Nico kissed me in the hall. I had just put my mouth on Victor.

What the fuck have I done?