Chapter 6

 

Jacob

Mr Richard slammed the door behind him. The sound of it echoed painfully in my head. I collapsed onto the soft carpet in Daniel’s room, my fingers digging dip into it like it would save me from the mess I’d just gotten myself into.

 

“What the fuck just happened? What did I just do?”

I couldn’t believe Mr Richard would just casually walk into a room in the dorm… and Daniel’s room?

For a second, my whole body trembled and I wanted to run after him, to call out to him, but I couldn’t.

Couldn’t get my legs to move, or my mouth to speak.

 

Daniel stood there, unmoving. His shorts still dropped at his ankles, and his face was inscrutable. There was no panic… or rage, just pure amusement and a tinge of disappointment. It was like he knew this would happen.

 

“You look pathetic. Get up from the floor,” he said, pulling his shorts back on. His voice was low.

 

I couldn’t speak as my lips still burned from the kiss… the reckless, stupid kiss that had caused all this. The very one I initiated.

 

“What the fuck was I thinking coming here?”

 

The question was stuck in my head, taunting me endlessly. I’d convinced myself it was about survival. That somehow, all the bullying would stop if I gave Daniel what he wanted. But the truth… was worse.

 

I liked it.

 

The way his hands had grabbed on my hair, pushed me down on my knees. The way he’d stared down at me, hungrily like I was the sweetest bite he could ever taste.

 

And for a split second, I’d felt needed, and powerful, but now I was just an idiot who had put everything on the line for a few minutes of attention from a boy who’d never see me as anything, other than a plaything.

 

Watched Daniel lit a smoke, blowing it up towards the ceiling. “If you’re worried about Richard saying anything, don’t.”

 

I flinched at his name. The look of disgust on his face when he walked in… The way his eyes had darted from Daniel’s bare body to my lips and then back to Daniel.

 

“You don’t know that he won't say anything,” I whispered.

 

“This school belongs to me,” Daniel snapped. “I own Mr Richard and every teacher here!”

 

When he finally looked at me, the look in his eyes pierced through my chest. “You’re the one who should be worried pretty boy.”

 

He was right. I was worried.

 

Skipped breakfast the next morning. Couldn’t deal with the idea of sitting in the dining hall, waiting for whispers of these hateful kids. “Mr Richard caught Jacob sucking a d…”

 

The thought drove me insane.

 

The bell rang. First period, Mr Richard’s class.

 

My hands trembled as I pushed the door open. The room went silent for a second, just long enough to validate my fears… before the chattering resumed. Mr Richard didn’t look up from his desk.

 

Walked to my desk and there was a sticky note under it.

 

“Come to my office after class.”

 

My heart pounded in my chest as I stepped into his office.

 

He didn’t yell. Didn’t even mention Daniel. He just leaned on the wall, breathed out loudly, and said, “You can do better, Jake.”

 

The words tore painfully at my chest as I stood there, unable to speak.

 

The disappointment in his voice. The way he twisted his fingers like he was recalling the night and trying to erase me from it.

 

The Jacob he liked and protected was gone. The only thing left was just an idiot who chose to become Daniel Cobbs's dirty little secret.

 

I wanted to explain, tell him it’s not what he thinks, but what was the point? It was exactly what he thought and… saw.

 

The next few days were a blur. Daniel and I avoided each other like a plague and I missed so many classes because of Mr Richard's judgmental eyes.

 

I couldn’t bear to see the look of disappointment on his face after everything that had happened.

 

Mr Richard wasn’t just my favorite teacher or that one person who looked out for me at school. He was my crush. He wasn’t that much older. He was just a college student doing his internship at one of the elite schools in New York.

 

I didn’t know for a fact if Mr Richard was like me, Gay, but he seemed to really care about me. Or maybe he was just being nice and there was nothing more. But that should have been enough. Enough to stay true to the one promise I made him.

 

Well, I guess I’d never find that out. Not now, not after what he saw. He might not even speak to me again and he’ll have every right not to.

 

My first week in school had been really tough and he’d taken me up and made me his project and in return, I had promised to keep away from the bad boys at school.

 

Daniel ignored me entirely. No usual taunting or errands. It was as if I no longer existed to him.

 

Caught him laughing loudly at lunch with his friends. His hand hung around a random junior. He didn’t even glance towards my table at lunch or when I passed by them.

 

That hurt more than I’d expected. More than the bullying.

 

I was right all along. I was just a game to the Daniel Cobbs, nothing more, and now he was bored of me.

 

Lay in bed later that night, replaying the scene in his room. Pressed my palms into my eyelid, trying to stop the tears from coming. “What did I think was gonna happen anyway.”

 

“Idiot! Idiot! Stupid fucking idiot!”

 

I’d just traded the last of my dignity for a boy who would never care, but worst of all.

 

I wanted to do it all over again.