Doctor's Orders - 1

I woke alone.

No, not alone. Arya whined within me, urging me to wake with every pained whimper. Her voice was weak and raspy in my head. She beckoned me, her thready tone a constant pleading in my mind.

Aurelia? Please... please wake up.

I'm here.

Thank Goddess. I'm so glad, but... Something is wrong.

I begged her to explain, but she went silent. Still. I hated that feeling. More than the needles and IV lines poking out of my arms. More than the pounding in my head and the ache of my ribs. More than the dizziness and the utter isolation I felt in that familiar hospital bed. I hated the absence of my wolf the most.

I'd spent most of my life alone. But it was never as lonely as having her vanish from my thoughts.

"You're awake." Doctor Andromeda's voice sliced through the air, cold and clinical. "I was worried you wouldn't wake for a few more days. Your condition was deplorable."

I flinched at her sharp tone, the familiar sludge of guilt turning my stomach sour.

Why did she have to say it like it was my fault? I didn't pummel myself into the dirt. I didn't kick and swat and yank myself around by the neck. So, why did it feel like she was blaming me?

"Why do you constantly do this, Aurelia? Why do you put yourself in positions to always need someone else to save you?" she groaned, sitting hard on the rolling chair by the bed. The wheels rumbled against the tile floors, loud enough to make my headache thump harder behind my eyes. "Phillipe brought you in. He got reprimanded by his commanding officer because he broke formation to retrieve you from the dirt."

So, it really was him.

My friend found me. He saved me. And because of that, he got in trouble. The elation of knowing Phillipe still cared about me was swallowed whole by another, fresh wave of guilt. Because of me, he'd suffer.

Nothing was different. We'd grown up. He found his place in the pack and became a dweller. He established himself as a warrior. Found his mate. But I was the same. Still troublesome, Aurelia. The one he took up for. The one who earned him extra work and lashings for falling behind. The one who made his life harder.

I curled into a ball on the bed, back turned to the doctor.

I couldn't bear to see her face. Not when I remembered how warm her smile used to be.

"I'm sorry. I... I really didn't mean--"

"I know. You're sorry. You didn't mean to. You never mean to, Aurelia. But you always do. You always find a new way to be an inconvenience to everyone who ever tries to help you." The words pierced through me, clean and swift as an arrow. I couldn't breathe. It was like a vice wrapped around my heart and started to squeeze.

Because she wasn't wrong. But worse than that... she wasn't angry.

Doctor Andromeda's voice was a tired monotone. It was the voice of someone dealing with a tedious pest, like a persistent mole in the garden or a gnat infestation in the cellar. I was a pest to her. Not a patient. Not the little baby she saved from the wilderness. The good graces and patience I cherished as a child had vanished, and all that remained was the bitter reality.

"Your condition is stable, for now. But, to keep me from having to do more work, I'm putting you in isolation," she said, rising from the rolling chair. Her shadow fell over my huddled form, and I swore the room grew even colder. A hard shiver racked my body, and I wrapped my arms tight around myself to block out the chill of her gaze on my back.

"There's a separate wing of the infirmary. You'll need to stay there until I'm certain you won't have another lapse in medicine or any more negative stimulation to your system," she continued.

"H-How long? If I'm gone too long, Delta Hester--"

"Do you want to have another episode and pass out during your duties? Do you think that will earn you sympathy from Delta Hester and the other servants in the kitchens?" she snapped.

Her hand grasped my upper arm and forced me to face her. "Do you think it'll make Phillipe break formation to come and save you again? I don't imagine Delta Hester would think kindly of you causing a spectacle and disrupting operations of her department any more than you already have, Aurelia."

Her iron grip eased on my arm; a ghostly shadow of weariness passed over her features.

"I know you think you're doing the right thing by trying to get back there. But all you're doing is making everything worse for everyone. Don't fight me on this. No one will miss you during the time you'll be in isolation. Okay?"

"No one will miss you."

The phrase bounced around in my head; the rest of her words and medical jargon faded into the background. All I heard was, "No one will miss you." I knew she was right. But the last air in my lungs was knocked out by that single, simple sentence. I was hollow. No wolf. No mate. No friends. No one. Nothing. All alone in a world that wouldn't miss me when I was gone.