37: Blair’s POV

~5 Days Later~

We hadn't left Alice's house all week, at my request. I hated feeling this way, I hated the look on Alice's face when I rejected her touch, but I hated the panic attacks most. They had finally stopped two days ago but my anxiety was still at a record high. For years I tried to pass it off as something else, anything other than rape, but now I just felt like an idiot for not realizing sooner. I felt weak and empty, like the mugs I had shattered on the floor days ago. Alice had managed to keep me calm despite my state and I was grateful for her now more than ever. She was so patient with me and hadn't tried to touch me since the incident in the kitchen. There were times where she would accidentally and I would always jerk back defensively but it wasn't because of her. I could vaguely remember our conversation now and I mentally slapped myself for lining myself up for her to ask me that question. It was stupid of me to even bring up sex in the first plac