Fuck! I Can’t Think Like This.

I felt my heart drop at his words. How could he be so casual about this? Did he have any idea how much I ached for him? How desperately I craved him? Did he even realize that I wished it was my clothes being ripped off, and not that bitch’s?

“No, I don’t have any spare clothes,” I said. I didn’t even wait for his response; I slammed the door shut and pressed my back against it once more.

The ache in my chest grew heavier, and nothing hurt more than loving someone who would never acknowledge you.

Maybe it was time to let go of this sickening obsession I had for my big brother.

I would never be his, no matter how much I wanted to be. Oh God! It hurts so bad…..

*****

The next day, I sat across from Collin in the living room, my eyes fixed on the TV, though out of the corner of my gaze, I could feel him staring at me.

I turned my attention to him and he smiled warmly when our eyes locked. I couldn’t help but smile back. Collins was good looking. Aside from the fact that he was tall and muscular, his features weren’t harsh, his face was perfectly sculpted. He had sea blue eyes and thick dark brows. A very strong jaw and straight nose. He looked like he walked straight out of a magazine and yet, he didn’t seem to care.

“It’s my birthday party tonight; you should come,” he said. I frowned.

“Me?” I replied softly, placing my hand over my chest. How could he ask me to attend his birthday party, knowing fully well that my overprotective brother could never let me go out at night?

“I would love to come. But I can’t. Roy wouldn’t let me, and besides, I have to study for my final exams next week,” I said, kindly turning down his invitation.

Collin hissed softly, rolling his eyes. “Nayla, you’re eighteen. You’re no longer a child…..you don’t have to let your brother dictate your life for you. He is only six years older than you; he shouldn’t have that much control over you. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him, okay? I need to see you tonight, come have fun with us,” Collin urged, and I nodded, fully aware of the kind of brother I had.

Collin and Roy had been best friends for eight years or more; I can’t really tell because it was eight years ago that I got adopted. And I also hadn’t bothered to ask.

“Speaking of the devil,” Collin mumbled. I glanced toward the stairs, watching as Roy descended gracefully.

Roy was handsome in a way other men weren’t. There was an exception to his looks that could make him stand out in a crowd. His tailored suit fit snugly over his broad shoulders and defined muscles. He held a black suitcase with his left hand while he scrolled through his phone with his right hand.

With each step he took, he exuded extreme confidence, his dark hair tousled just enough to look effortlessly stylish.

I watched in slow motion as his eyes left his phone, drifting down to his best friend Collin’s, and then mine. I could immediately feel my heart race deeply as he locked eyes with me.

I looked away quickly, swallowing a hard lump down my throat as he neared us… I could hardly stand his gaze… I never ever do.

Collin stood up, picking up his own suitcase, ready to leave with Roy.

“Nayla, I won't be home tonight, don’t wait up,” Roy said, and I nodded, that was a phrase I was used to hearing all the time.

“Uhm, Roy,” I called. Roy turned to me, his brows slightly raised in curiosity. “What is it?” he asked.

I stood up, feeling my legs tremble as I walked towards Collin. Collin had promised to talk to him too about me attending his birthday party. I really wanted to go.

“Collin had invited me to his birthday party tonight; is it okay if I come?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest as I watched a kind of expression cross his face. An expression that told me how much trouble I had just brought upon myself.

“What did I just hear you say?” he asked, his brow slightly furrowed.

“I-I said that I would love to attend Collin’s birthday party tonight. Please let me go,” I said, summoning all the courage I could muster.

Roy stared at me for a few seconds, his cold eyes piercing through mine.

“I don’t want to see you out of this house tonight. And never repeat this statement again, or else…” he said in a low, angry tone.

With that, he turned to leave.

Why? Why couldn’t Roy let me live my life? What did I ever do to him?

He had the freedom to fuck as many girls as he desired, but just when it was my turn to have a little fun, he wouldn’t let me?

Collin looked down at me, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Don’t mind him. You can come. He wouldn’t do anything, I promise,” Collin said and I nodded, forcing a smile. And with that, he walked out too.

****

ROY’S POV

I held the steering wheel, my eyes fixed on the road, but I couldn’t help but notice Collin glaring at me in annoyance.

“What?!” I snapped, stealing a glance at him.

“Why?” he asked.

“Why what?” I frowned, pretending I didn’t know what he was about to say.

“Why do you treat Nayla so badly? Like she’s a child who can’t decide for herself?” Collin said, but I rolled my eyes, ignoring his questions.

“She’s literally an adult. I mean, at eighteen, you were already living your best life. Why can’t you let her have a little fun?” Collin mumbled. From the way he spoke, I could tell how fed up and angry he was. But if only he knew how much I couldn’t help it.

“Don’t tell me you’re still blaming her for your parents’ deaths,” he said, and I turned to him, unable to say a word.

Five years after Nayla came into our family, both of my parents experienced the same tragic car accident that had taken her parents' lives, leaving me to handle everything my father ever built at such a young age.

It was made clear to me that Nayla was the cause. I mean, why did my parents die like hers did?

I should hate her…..I should hate her for bringing bad luck to my home. I should hate her for ruining my perfect and beautiful family. But that’s not the case. Because despite all the reasons to hate her, I find myself overly protective of her. I find myself lost in her alluring hazel-green eyes. I find myself reminiscing about her smile, her face, her body, oh! her body!

I should hate her, but I can’t help how my heart races whenever she isn’t home or near.

I should despise her, but I feel my bulge rise whenever she puts on that red sexy nightwear.

I can’t hate her, because instead… I find myself wanting her, craving her so badly.

Fuck! I can’t think like this. I can’t feel like this. She’s my little sister. That’s all she has to be. Nothing more.

“Look, Collin, I’m only looking out for her, that’s all,” I said calmly. Collin didn’t respond; he just shook his head, turned on his phone, and began scrolling through it.

Was I pushing this too far?