Chapter4

   I am wolf, Quietly I will endure.

Silently I will suffer. Patiently I will wait.

For I am a warrior And I will survive.

Unknown Author

After a night of fitful sleep, Annie sat on the little local train as it bumped and weaved its way towards to the Scottish Lowlands. Jacques had driven her to Inverness in Patric’s car to catch the train and for the hour’s car journey Annie had stared out of the window with unseeing eyes. She hadn’t been able to communicate with Sabine since the night before and she was worried. Annie however didn’t feel the pain as bad as she had expected to, yes it was there, a heavy weight in her chest, but she knew she would survive this. When she was a child she had believed the stories that said anyone who rejected a mate, or a wolf that had been rejected would pine away and die a horrible, lonely death taking their human half with them. The first time it happened to her, she thought she would surely die, the pain had been so intense she thought she was losing her mind and she almost lost Sabine. It took her the best part of a year to fully recover and for seven months of that she wasn’t strong enough to shift. She had also believed that wolves would only ever have one mate in their lives, which is why they were meant to love and cherish their mates forever. Well Annie had been rejected twice now so clearly that was just an old she-wolf’s tale too. Jacques had waited with her at the station and had waved her off on the train. Worry lines creased his forehead when he looked at her, she was pale, tired and quiet but she had told him not to worry, she had done all this before and she would be fine. With a promise to call him the second she got home, the train pulled out of the station, taking her away from her mate.

This was going to be a long journey home, she checked her e ticket. Two hours twenty minutes to Perth, Perth to Glasgow Queen Street Station was an hour, then a ten- minute walk across Glasgow city centre to Glasgow Central Station where she caught a train home, which was another two hours ten minutes. She calculated she would get home around five o’clock if there were no delays, a journey just short of seven hours door to door.

As the train skirted the Cairngorms National Park Annie looked at the mountains, remembering her promise to Sabine about a run, she tried to talk to her again, nothing. Annie could still feel her, she was just dormant and she prayed to the Goddess that her wolf was healing. There was no way she would be able to shift for the moment and Annie was worried that she may never be strong enough to shift again. Each rejection took its toll on a wolf and Sabine had been through more than most, each time Sabine had been able to pull herself through it but how much more she could take, Annie didn’t know. The lack of sleep from the night before caught up with her and with the gentle rocking of the train, Annie was lulled to sleep until she was jolted awake as the train pulled out of a station. Panicking, she checked the route on her phone map and to her relief, realised the train had just left Pitlochry, not long before the change at Perth. The first change went smoothly, there wasn’t long to wait, and as the train pulled into Glasgow Queen Street station an hour later, Annie pulled up ‘Maps’ on her phone so she could walk the ten minutes to Glasgow Central station without getting lost. It wasn’t as bad as she thought, only a couple of streets to walk along. Grabbing a coffee and a sandwich at a café she passed on the way she found the station with no problems, located her platform and took a seat on a bench. At least she was only a few hours from home now she thought to herself, a hot bath and a good night’s sleep beckoned, there was a busy week ahead with all the new students to get settled.

She realised that she was trying to think about anything but the pull she was feeling back to her mate, she felt ridiculous, she didn’t even know his name or what he did. Annie thought back to the night before, the tall man with the intoxicating scent, broad shoulders….who looked at her with disgust before storming off. What was it about her that made this keep happening? She was no oil painting, she was quite plain really unlike the flashy Reiver she-wolves but she was hardly unattractive. She took good care of herself and tried to live her life in a way that would have made her parents proud. Tears pricked at her eyes again, fighting them back she realised that it could have been worse, what felt like a huge traumatic event to Annie clearly hadn’t been noticeable to anyone else so at least she was spared the humiliation of a public rejection again, but then, why hadn’t he rejected her, if he didn’t want her why not just say the words and it would have been finished with? Despite everything, Annie couldn’t help wondering who he was or what pack he was with. Was he a Reiver or from a surrounding pack, would she even want a Reiver if he had been willing?

This led her to a train of thought about what it would actually mean for someone like her to finally be accepted by their mate. The consequences would most likely be that she would lose everything she cared about. It was usual in wolf packs for the female to move to be with the male, she would participate in the blood bonding ceremony which would mean giving up ties to her own pack becoming part of his. Was she really willing to give up everything, her pack, her job, her house, her friends? Her past human lovers crossed her mind, they hadn’t expected her to give up anything for them, they had just loved her, as she had them. It would be like abandoning everything she had worked so hard for, Annie honestly didn’t think she could do that, it would be like betraying herself, throwing everything away to become a subservient little she- wolf. Maybe the tall stranger had thought she was too old for him, she was a bit long in the tooth to be producing pups wasn’t she, how would any other potential mate feel about that?  Maybe he already had a lover, one he wasn’t willing to give up despite the mate bond, did he have pups with her she wondered? Annie felt a surge of jealousy course through her body forcing her to push the ridiculous feelings down. How could she feel jealous at an imagined scenario she thought rolling her eyes? That is what the mate bond does to wolves, makes them fearlessly protective of their mates, even if the mate in question appeared to hate them apparently. She balked at the unfairness of it all, why would the Goddess do this to her now, just when her life had found some order? But still, despite all these thoughts she longed for him, this unknown stranger, at least she had learned from experience that this feeling would lessen with time. Pushing any feelings of longing down as deep as she could, she ate her sandwich and boarded the train to Lancashire determined to put yet another sorry episode behind her.

Hugh 0830 Sunday

Hugh woke up on the couch in his office still fully clothed. He looked at the two empty bottles of whiskey on his desk, it hadn’t helped him forget the woman. He’d had graphic dreams about her, although he thought Knox probably had something to do with that.  Sitting up he grabbed his phone, turning it back on, crap, his daughter had rung again, then the phone beeped to warn him the battery was low. Deciding he would have a shower, a change of clothes and some breakfast before ringing her back, he made his way to his bedroom. Plugging his phone into charge by his bed

he walked into his bathroom hoping the scalding water would wash away the memories of the last night’s dream. 

 Once he was dressed, Hugh was heading downstairs when he noticed that Knox was noticeably quiet, he called out to him but there was no answer. Sulking probably thought Hugh and continued to the kitchen. As he was reaching for a coffee cup and image of the woman flooded his mind, he could smell her too, the intoxicating scent was alluring. Hugh closed his eyes.

“Knox, this isn’t helping either of us”.

“She is our mate.”

Hugh sighed, was anyone else’s wolf this stubborn he wondered?

“I don’t want a mate Knox, I had the only mate I will ever need, my loyalty is to my family.”

“She is our mate.” Then silence. Hugh just shook his head.

Hugh ate then retrieved his phone and called Lyall. She was clearly concerned about his behaviour the night before and was ready to drive to his house there and then. They were a close family, he had brought his pups up with the help of the omegas since they were toddlers and he was immensely proud of the wolves they had become. Lennox was now in his mid twenties with a lovely mate and pup of his own. It wouldn’t be long before he was qualified and experienced enough to take Hugh’s place as Delta and Reckoner of the Pack, and Lyall, mated with two pups, both girls whom Hugh loved dearly. Hugh assured her he was fine, he was just stressed with work and had driven for most of the day, he was just overtired he promised her.  Putting her fears to rest he hung up, lay back on the sofa and closed his eyes. There she was again, in his head. He frowned when he thought of the memory, she had no shoes on….there was one under each arm…she was carrying drinks…why did she not have shoes on? He found himself smiling. Her dress, midnight blue, elegant…and those eyes. He frowned again, she hadn’t reacted to him….he thought back to the moment, she didn’t even  acknowledge him, she didn’t move towards him, smile…nothing… her face had been blank and impassive. Had he made a mistake he wondered, was she his mate at all, did she feel the mate bond too? It didn’t look like it.

“She is our mate.”

“Stop putting thoughts about her in my head Knox.” Hugh demanded.

“That wasn’t me, it was you.” retorted Knox who then retreated to back of Hugh’s mind.

Hugh sat up and put his head in his hands, he had to make a decision. He either accepted the fate the Goddess had given him or reject her. Knox started howling at the thought of rejecting their mate, Hugh pushed Knox as far to the back of his head as he could. He stood, determined to do something, grabbed his jacket and car keys and headed out. The omegas at the pack house would know who she was he hoped, he grabbed the details of yesterday’s deal with the intention of talking them through with Alpha Armstrong at some point that day. In fact, taking this report in gave him a perfect excuse for being at the pack house. Jumping behind the wheel of his car, he sped out of the drive with no clear plan of what he was going to do.

   On arriving at the pack house, he could see that the marquee was being taken down and the gardens put back to their former glory. He slipped inside the house and headed to the kitchen and asked a few of the omegas if they remembered the women in the blue dress but no one did. One of them suggested he speak to an omega called Jamie, as he was working in the house looking after some of the guests and if the woman stayed in the pack house, there was a chance he would know.

  Hugh wandered around asking omegas if they knew where Jamie was, and he eventually found him taking linen down from the guest rooms to the laundry in the basement. Hugh asked him about the women in the blue dress.

“Yes sir, I remember her, part of the bride’s family, Aunt I believe, from the Lunar Meadows Pack, North Yorkshire” He nodded as he replied to Hugh’s question.

“What room is she in?”

“She left sir, early this morning.”

“Left?”  Hugh was growing impatient. “For the day or for good?”

“Er, for good I think sir, all her things are gone from her room.”

Hugh felt his heart sink. As he turned to walk away Jamie piped up,

“Her family are still here though if that helps. There’s a brunch today for the bride and groom’s families, here in the pack house. Would you like me to take you to them, I have to go and escort them to the dining room anyway?”

“No thank you Jamie, I’ll take them myself. Which rooms are they in?”

“In the east wing sir, second floor, first three rooms you come to”.

Hugh strode off, he still had no idea what he was going to do.

Knox was watching on with interest but making no comment as Hugh headed over to the guest rooms in the east wing, he mounted the stairs two at a time more desperate to find her than he would care to admit. When he reached the corridor he stopped, he had no idea what he was going to say. He had no time to think as at that point a woman stepped out of a room to his right, Hugh’s heart nearly flipped, he saw chocolate brown hair and thought it was the woman from last night. As she turned and looked up at him he realised it wasn’t her, it looked like her but this woman was younger and was followed by someone he presumed to be her husband.

 Hugh cleared his throat. Why was he so nervous?

“Er, hello, I’m here to escort you to the dining room,” he stammered. “Is there someone else, a woman, she was at the wedding and was wearing a dark blue dress?” Hugh stopped, he looked and sounded like some sort of stalker, he needed to pull himself together. There was an awkward silence.

“I think you mean our sister Annie.” said another man exiting the room next door. He also had the same dark brown hair and blue eyes and these blue eyes bored into his.

“He knows.” Hugh was too distracted by her name to hear Knox.

“Annie.” Hugh liked the way her name rolled off his tongue. “Oh right, yes, will she accompanying us?”

“No, she left, I took her for the train at Inverness this first thing this morning, what did you want her for?” The man was looking at him with his eyes narrowed. Did he know what happened last night and that Hugh was about to reject his sister, is that even what I’m doing here Hugh asked himself? Was he really going to do that, reject his Goddess given mate? Knox gave Hugh a lowly growl.

“Oh, so she left?” He asked awkwardly.

“Yes, she went home because of work.” replied the brother, his eyes never leaving Hugh.

“She left because of us.”

“Oh…right, ok, this way please.” After another awkward silence Hugh led them to the dining room and bolted before the brother could ask him any more questions. Christ, he felt like an idiot.

“She left because of us, find her.” accused Knox. He knew Knox was probably right of course. Hugh, assuming Annie was going to her pack in Yorkshire, grabbed his phone out of his pocket. He ought to be able to work out which train she was on as there couldn’t be that many on a Sunday. If she had to change trains, he thought he might be able to catch up with her. He found that the first train from Inverness on a Sunday was at 0940, she would have to change at Perth but he would never make there in time. To get to North Yorkshire she would perhaps have to get to Newcastle and go south from there. He looked for connections from Perth to Newcastle, there was a train, and the good thing for Hugh was she had to change at Edinburgh and there almost an hour between her connections, so the train didn’t leave until 14.08. Hugh checked his watch, it was just gone ten, it would take him three and a half hours to get there, he could do this.

Hugh dashed out the front door of the pack-house and dived into his car. He realised he felt elated that he might get to see the woman again, he felt Knox’s growl of approval reverberate in his chest.

“I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet.” he told his wolf.

“Do not reject our mate.” was all Knox said before going quiet again.  Hugh gunned he car around the outskirts of Perth to join the M90, traffic was fairly light so he was making good time, finally he took the junction for the A90 which would take him directly into Edinburgh. He dumped the car in the first municipal car park he came to, throwing some money in the machine he placed the ticket on his car and proceeded into the station. The station was busy but being so tall he looked over everyone’s head as he studied the departures board. The train to Newcastle was leaving in twenty minutes, so he sauntered over in the direction of the platform, discreetly sniffing the air sure he would detect her scent before he saw her. He stood at the entrance to the platform so he could see everyone who entered. Hugh was confused when he couldn’t see or smell her, Knox was on high alert looking for her too and he was getting more agitated by the second. Five minutes before the train’s departure, she still hadn’t entered the platform. Hugh wondered if she had already been on the train, but Knox was sure they would be able to smell her scent if she had passed by that way.

Two minutes before the train pulled out of Edinburgh heading for Yorkshire, Annie’s train pulled out of Glasgow carrying her back to Lancashire.

Hugh watched the train leave in confusion. He waited for the next train, convinced he would find her but as that train came and went he angrily had to admit defeat. Walking back to the car he felt a mixture of relief that he didn’t have to decide whether to reject her or not and disappointment that he didn’t get to see her again. Knox was furious, he blamed Hugh and let him know by howling constantly most of the way back to the car, pining for his mate. Hugh blocked him out the best he could, but it was giving him a headache, he decided to make a deal with his wolf.

“Listen, we will find her I promise, now stop howling and let me think.”

“We will find her and make her ours?”

“No promises on that Knox, but we will find her.” With that, Knox quietly retreated to the back of his mind.