Chapter 4

I quietly slipped into the kitchen, which was stocked with all kinds of food.

I opened a box of strawberries and started stuffing my face. Then I moved on to the cherries and blueberries.

There were even Mom's homemade fried meatballs. In our family, those were the ultimate reward, so I'd never had a single one.

I desperately shoved them into my mouth until there wasn't a single one left, eating so much I felt sick.

Then I went to the living room window to peer inside. They looked like the perfect family straight out of a TV commercial.

I picked up a rock, ready to give them a little surprise.

Just then, I heard Dad's voice. "Do you think Jeremy might be going through something?"

Age had softened Mom's features, making her look much kinder than I remembered. "If you're worried about him, call him yourself."

A flicker of hope ignited in my chest. I waited for my phone to ring, imagining what Dad would say. But Alan grabbed his hand to stop him.

"What could he possibly be going through? He's just trying to cut corners and take the easy way out. If you help him now, you will only be making things unfair for me."

Dad immediately put the phone down and patted Alan's shoulder. "Alright, alright. I won't call him."

Mom casually chimed in, "He's always been too soft to endure any real hardship. If he were actually struggling, he'd come crawling back. I bet he's just out there drifting through life and getting nowhere.

"He was born weak, and we went too easy on him because we felt sorry for him. That's what turned him into such an incapable person.

"If he ever comes back after failing to make it on his own, I'm going to set him straight."

When I heard that, I felt utterly exhausted. I realized I couldn't even hold the rock up anymore. I tried to lift it, but it was useless.

The window reflected my ghostly pale face.

I was so tired that I didn't want to struggle anymore. It would seem like this useless piece of trash was about to leave this world behind.

I dropped the rock and curled up in the corner, waiting for death to take me.

Just then, a stray cat wandered over, mewling at me.

I pulled it into my arms so we could keep each other warm, and it immediately quieted down.

Mom absolutely despised these "filthy animals". If I did this, then it wouldn't disrupt their family gathering.

See? I was still good for something.

My body was already in tatters from cancer and chemotherapy. And with the biting wind and rain battering me, I died much sooner than I thought I would.

Once I slipped free of that broken body, I felt strangely weightless. Holding the cat in my arms, I drifted toward the house.

Mom started talking about her plans for the new year, about how everyone needed to work harder.

Being dead was great. I didn't want to try hard again.

I made my way over to the guest room and spent the night on the big, comfortable bed inside.

ow nice.