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SIXTY: It's Him. Harlan.
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2025-12-04 06:24:54I stand in front of the mirror, squinting my eyes as I stick a few more pins into my up-do, which, by the way, has taken me a half hour to put together.
Only a couple weeks ago, I stood in the same place with Rhea.Then, she was helping me get ready for a party so I can drink away the emotional and spiritual repercussions of my breakup with Harlan.Now, the circumstances are much happier. I am accompanying her to a gala, where she will be receiving a much deserved grant for research which will launch her career, I’m sure. And though the sadness isn't necessarily any less intense than it was the last time I was standing there getting primped and primed with Rhea, since then, I have learned to tuck it away much more effectively."Well? How'd I do?" She is beaming from ear to ear.I can't help but smile, too. Thanks to all the schoolwork and TA duties I have to keep myself busy, I haven't had an idle moment in what feels like a lifetime. Dark thoughts revolving arou
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SUBMISSION 101 EIGHTY-NINE: I Ache For Him
I am clinging to him in my sleep.I don’t realize it until around dawn, when I wake to the feeling of his body gently sliding out from underneath mine, like he is trying to keep me from waking. I am too close to him, hold him too tightly, and rather than address the way my limbs entangle with his, rather than confront the way my body screams, I love you in its sleep, I pretend that I haven’t woken up. I lie there with my eyes closed, listening intently, ears recognizing the slide of metal on wood as Professor Harlan drags his watch up from the end table. The gentle brush of skin and soft clicking indicate that he has refastened it around his wrist.And then, there is nothing. Only for a fleeting moment, but it is there: still silence. Nothingness. Emptiness, before I hear him turn from the room, leaving me to sleep.I haven’t experienced this agonizing of a weekend since Professor Harlan left me in the first place, months ago. Rhea is back home, but she has shut herself
SUBMISSION 101 EIGHTY-EIGHT: We Always Have
He hadn’t realized he’d run out of patience until that bridge had long been crossed. By the time the younger of the two men rises out of his armchair, gripping his glass of whisky so tight that it is a wonder the glass doesn’t shatter in his large hand, he is a lost cause.The older man knows. He can see it in his son’s eyes. Somewhere along the course of the conversation, somewhere along the line, they have reached the point of no return. There is no point reasoning with Professor Harlan when he reaches this state. His father knows that he will be furious past the point of reason until he isn’t. When he is just a boy, sometimes it has taken days. Now, more generally, it seems to take months, if Han is lucky.How has a pleasant conversation over two glasses of whisky gone so sour?“I’ve had enough,” Professor Harlan spits, confirming Han’s suspicions.There is nothing he can do but start from scratch on another day.“Ben—”“I don’t want to hear it,” Professor
SUBMISSION 101 EIGHTY-SEVEN: Come Here
I turn around. Professor Harlan's brows knit together in confusion when he sees me. Because to both of our astonishment—I am not angry. I am not sad. I am not crying.I am laughing.I wipe at my eyes, trying to control myself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I gasp. "You're telling me...that THE great literary academic Professor Harlan," I mock, "fucked the talent director to land his job?"Professor Harlan goes red, clenching and unclenching the fists at his sides. "No," he snaps. "I was offered the job months before, and didn't take it. I only slept with her to secure the position once I'd changed my mind."I nearly double over, cackling. "Holy shit. I can't believe this. Everyone always says how naturally gifted you are. They talk about you like you're some kind of literary god. But the only reason you have your job is because you fucked the hiring director!" I enthuse. God, I am sick to my stomach but even so, this is the most thrilling news I've heard in my life.Pr
SUBMISSION 101 EIGHTY-SIX: Are You Dating Her?
His brow knits together, and he sidesteps me before I can step out of the way to let him in. I stumble back, stunned, and watch in silence—watch as Professor Harlan's eyes find Armitage, the mug in his hand, his coat slung over the back of the living room chair.I can't move when it happens. It is too much for my brain to process, and it all seems to play out before me in intense flashes: Professor Harlan lunging forward, seizing Armitage by the collar of his shirt and throwing him against the wall."Professor Harlan!" I scream in protest, watching in panic as Professor Harlan's forearm braces Armitage's chest, fingers clenched around the collar of his shirt. Is his fist trembling?"You have about three seconds to tell me this isn't what it looks like," he growls over his shoulder, eyes now falling on me. They look impossibly dark, somehow darker than I've ever seen them, and I feel my stomach turn into a heavy pit."Whatever you think this is doesn't fucking matter
SUBMISSION 101 EIGHTY-FIVE: We're All Here
"Do you want some tea? I'm sure you won't like how I make it," I warn. "I don't have any of that fancy British stuff.""I'm sure whatever you have is fantastic," Armitage offers with a smile, lowering himself into the armchair. I return a few minutes later with two mugs of Tazo tea I'd stuck in the microwave. I watch him carefully as he takes his first sip, and pretend not to notice the distasteful face he makes, snickering silently into my own drink.Armitage holds his mug in his lap after taking a larger than necessary sip, probably for my benefit. He smiles gratefully at me, warmly, even. But I notice how he pensively runs his fingers over the thin, porcelain handle, thumb and index finger stroking it lightly. "What I'm about to tell you is probably extremely out of line," he forewarns. "Actually, I think it probably means I deserve to lose my job."I feel my brows knit together, suddenly feeling a bit anxious. "Well, you can speak freely here; I promise you that."
SUBMISSION 101 EIGHTY-FOUR: May I Come In?
I am not sure how long I’ve been tapping my fingers absentmindedly on my desk, but I have no doubts that I am probably irritating any passersby who have the misfortune of walking near me. But in all honesty, I am not even thinking about that. I am only mulling over, repeatedly, the plan that has been brewing in my mind all week.But now that the opportunity is here, I meet with a small semblance of doubt, a tiny voice in the back of my mind that is not strong enough to change my mind, but is certainly enough to cast various shades of reluctance across every corner of my rapidly working brain. Is this really what I want to do? Upend all of Professor Harlan’s secrets just to find out why he dumped me?“You’re playing with fire,” he said, with his long, lean, colossal body pressed up against mine, chest heaving with anger, with desire, with… something else?But, then again, “dumped” is not the right word. He said plainly that the two of us still could have been together. Ho
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