After burn

Guilt burns deep, but what do you do if even then you want the one thing you shouldn’t?

“Can you make it to Kaden’s tonight for my birthday party? There will be several people there. I have someone I want you to meet,” Collier’s text read.

That pull, like all I wanted in my life was to be near him. It had been two weeks since we slept together and two weeks of guilt eating me alive. Two weeks of me wanting him so badly that I couldn’t think of anything else. This was the kids’ weekend at dad’s again so technically I could make it. Did I want to though? Well of course I wanted to, but should I? As far as I know they are moving on with the wedding. Who am I to get in the middle of that?

“Sure,” I replied. What an idiot I thought. But. I am going to tell him we can’t be friends soon but not for his birthday. I am not that big of a bitch.

I arrived fashionably late and as soon as I walked in I could FEEL his presence. I didn’t need to look for him. I could feel as he approached me. It was the weirdest thing I have ever felt. It felt like electricity coursing through me. Why was I here? A quick hug. A thank you for coming and then the blow. “Hey, I want you to meet my best friend. Ally this is Jack, Jack this is Ally” Collier said simply.

What in the actual fuck? What is this? Fine. I’ll play this game. “It is a pleasure you meet you, Jack!” I sounded a little too happy, but I didn’t care. I let Jack lead me away to get a beer with Collier staring after. A few minutes later while chatting with Jack, who was exquisitely handsome by the way, I heard my name and spun around to see Kaden’s wife standing next to none other than Madison. Oh this just got better. Madison. Collier’s fiancé.

“ so this is the infamous Ally. The one Collier waited and hoped after for years. Wow. You have some audacity showing up in his life now. He is happy. I won’t let you have him.” Madison seethed. I can’t say I blamed her, I deserved that. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I have no intention of trying to take him. He isn’t “something” he is a grown man and can make his own decision. He chose you.” I was assuring myself as much as I was assuring her.

“There is no competition really. Why would anyone want someone’s used parts? I mean you have a ton of kids. And I don’t know why the guys like to talk about how beautiful you are. You aren’t. Your nose is too big and honestly you should lay off the gym” Madison continued on.

I finally looked at her dead in the eyes and asked her “How old are you? I feel like a flashback to high school. I don’t want your man so you enjoy. I did not come here to reenter high school.” I gracefully turned and marched out the door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I heard Collier roar. I didn’t turn around to see who he was talking to but my guess was Madison.

As I go to open the door of my jeep a hand slammed it shut. I didn’t have to look. I could feel him behind me.

“You don’t want me?” He barked.

“No. I don’t want you. You are someone else’s. I don’t play games. You are trying to introduce me to someone else so obviously you don’t want me either”

He turned me around towards him and leaned over me. He towered over my 5 foot body. God, I wanted him. I needed him. But I was not giving in.

“What if I want YOU?” He rebutted.

“You don’t. Madison wasn’t wrong. I come with so much baggage. I don’t want a relationship,” I stated. I knew this was for the best. He has to leave me alone. He leaned down and tilted my head up with those eyes melting into my soul. About that time I heard the house door slam and Madison came barreling down the steps. It drew Collier’s attention just enough I was able to get in my jeep and drive off.

I stopped at the end of the road and cried. Cried like I hadn’t in so long. The kind of cry that cleans your soul. I deserved Madison’s hate. I hated me. I couldn’t believe I had done it but I had, so now was the time to be a grown up and stay away. Collier wasn’t mine to have.

He watched from the distance… he had Collier’s eyes, but he wasn’t Collier. Ally had no idea what was coming for her and really even Collier couldn’t save her.