Sharing an Apartment, Losing My Place

The real estate agent glanced at the name I'd crossed out. "Ms. Wiley, should I refund the security deposit to the original account?"

"Yes," I said.

My brother, Brandon Wiley, reached out to stop him. "Wait, hold on."

He turned to me. "If you're getting your deposit back, you still need to contribute your share toward the washer and dining table. We haven't bought those yet."

That 4,000-dollar security deposit represented six months of savings from my internship. While we were apartment hunting, they all kept saying that since we were living together, we didn't need to keep track of every dollar.

I didn't even have a room of my own, yet I was still expected to pay my share.

"Refund it to me," I insisted.

Brandon's expression darkened. "Cynthia, don't start keeping score over one room."

My boyfriend, Gerard Albon, pushed the lease back toward me. "We've already agreed on the rent. What are we supposed to do if you back out now?"

"The four of you can split the rent evenly," I said.

"That means each of us has to pay an extra 500 dollars a month," my childhood friend, Ricky Sparks, blurted out. "You make the most money. Isn't it only fair that you cover a little more?"

I stared at him in disbelief.

When Ricky was 19 years old, he couldn't afford the equipment he needed for live streaming. For three months, I ate the cheapest meals in the college cafeteria to scrape together the last 600 dollars he needed.

Later, when he earned his first paycheck, he treated everyone to dinner. At the table, my best friend, Joan Corbet, joked that she was Ricky's lucky charm.

Ricky raised his glass. "I would've given up a long time ago if Joan hadn't kept me company and chatted with me every day."

Not one of them mentioned the 600 dollars or the hours I spent adjusting the lighting.

The real estate agent asked again, "So, should I refund the deposit or not?"

"Refund it," I repeated.

Brandon fought to keep his temper in check. "She's just throwing a tantrum. Don't listen to her."

I placed the payment receipt in front of the agent. "I'm the one who paid the deposit. Refund it."

The refund came through a few minutes later.

Gerard stared at my phone. "Do you really want to make things this tight for everyone right after graduation?"

"If you can't afford the rent, find another apartment."

"We've already measured the windows for Joan's curtains," Gerard said. "How can we change everything now?"

He made it sound perfectly reasonable, as if my needs mattered less than a pair of curtains.

Joan tugged at Gerard's sleeve. "Maybe we should give my room to Cynthia."

Brandon immediately objected. "You've been having trouble sleeping lately. Don't push yourself."

Ricky held up his phone to show me a sofa bed listing. "This one's pretty wide. It's four feet across. We can fold it up during the day, so it won't take up much space."

Gerard glanced at it and nodded. "Let's get this one. Cynthia, haven't you always wanted a cat? If you stay in the living room, you'll get to spend more time with it."

Just like that, he'd even decided how I was supposed to make peace with being pushed aside.

When I was ten years old, my parents renovated our house. They took Brandon to stay at a hotel and sent me to my aunt's place. I sat in the hallway clutching my schoolbag until midnight because my aunt had forgotten to leave me a key.

The next morning, Brandon brought me breakfast from the hotel. "You can sleep anywhere anyway," he said. "It's all the same to you."

They kept using that line to dismiss my needs for years afterward.

Gerard grabbed my hand. "Come furniture shopping with us tonight."

"Don't bother," I said coldly.

"What?"

"I'm not moving in."

He stared at me for a few seconds before letting go of my hand. "Fine. We'll talk after you've cooled down."

The four of them gathered around the lease again, discussing how to cover the remaining furniture costs.

I walked out of the real estate office.

There was an email on my phone from two weeks earlier. A company in another city had asked if I was still interested in accepting the position they'd offered me.

I'd turned it down because Gerard had said he was staying here. Brandon had insisted that we shouldn't live apart. Ricky had said the five of us had to live together for things to feel complete.

Standing on the curb, I reopened the email and typed a reply. "Hi, I'd like to accept the offer after all. I can start on the original date."

The response came almost immediately. "Welcome aboard! We look forward to seeing you in three days."

I bought a train ticket for the day after tomorrow without telling anyone.