Midnight

This was how Blake found me, curled in a ball, my body covered in sweat and tears as I tried to fight against the invisible enemy of my own torturous nightmares and fears.

He picked me up gently and took my back to the room, his warmth enveloping my body. No questions seemed to want to escape his lips and for that I was grateful. I was not ready for his torturous thoughts. His mouth was a tight line as he watched me eat the food he had placed in the room.

I played with it mostly, swirling the mixture around and around as it steamed away, giving off a pleasant scent. I would eat some every now and then so I had a reason to not look at Blake, but by the time he asked, I was only half way through and it was starting to get cold.

“What was that about?” he asked suddenly, his tone deathly serious. He cut into my thoughts, distracting me from my stirring.

I stuffed a piece of bread in my mouth to avoid his question but his face darkened.

“Nothing,” I mumbled through the mouthful of food. I wasn't ready to go down that road, to open up the door that lead to those memories. They were too harsh, too real and too painful.

His eyebrow quirked up in question, but he said nothing. I could see in his burning gaze that he wanted to know, but I hoped that he was smart enough to know that if I went too deep into those memories, there would be no coming back from it. We all have our scars, and these were mine.

I went to shove more food in my mouth but not before he grabbed the rest of the bread from my hand. I readied myself to protest.

“You don’t want to eat too much or you will be sick.”

I lay back against the pillow annoyed at him. Mister perfect with all his wisdom. If I wanted to eat until I was sick, I would eat until I was sick. He had no right to stop me.

He left the room with the half empty bowl, for me to stew in my own frustration. Weakness was not something I could let get a hold of me. I couldn’t be weak when I had to survive alone. I learnt to survive through that. I survived through several stints in the cells. Weakness did not equate to survival.

Any kind of job they had for me, I would live through I thought to myself. After all, I had survived worse. I didn’t really want to reminisce in the terrible memories that plagued my past, so I stood up and wandered to the window, taking in the view.

I could see the street below, many of the people small enough for me to pinch between my thumb and forefinger. I smiled to myself as I did this, relishing in the feeling of fun. The sun was casting long shadows on the ground from the buildings and the longing to be outside intensified. 

I analysed the distant buildings, hoping to find something that I recognised. From this angle, everything seemed foreign. Plus all the buildings looked the same. I hated this feeling. I was lost in more ways than one.

I looked over my shoulder quickly and then out my window again and down the tall building, wondering if I could scale down to the street below and spend a few hours outside.

I knew that I could not leave through the door or I would get completely lost in the labyrinth of corridors and rooms. The open streets of the sprawling city below were drawing me, calling me to come walk along their uneven paving and enjoy the feel of freedom. My feet ached suddenly and I itched to remove the shoes that were trapping them. It stopped me from connecting to the world through my feet. I felt so connected when I could feel the cool ground beneath me or the soft dirt that caked my feet and left them brown for days on end.

I jumped when Gareth entered the room, his hands full of clothes and small packages.

I turned to him in embarrassment at my thoughts of escaping, and surprise at seeing him.

Wasn’t he supposed to be busy with other things? I wondered looking over his attire and features.

His clothes suggested travel, with a long, black cloak that encircled his shoulders and fell down to the ground. It swept behind him as he walked, making a quiet hissing sound that echoed through the small room.

I sat down on my bed and watching him closely.

“I have brought you some spare clothes,” Gareth said with a smile, “To help make your journey more comfortable and a few little gifts especially for you.”

I smiled weakly but the empty feeling in my stomach weighed down my emotions, an oddity since I had just eaten. Instead I focused on my hands, unclenching them once I realised I was clasping them together tightly.

The bed slumped down as Gareth sat down next to me and put his hand gently on my shoulder. He placed the gifts in an already bulging pack and then put it on my lap.

“I’m scared, Gareth,” I whispered.

I looked up to see him smile gently, his eyes sincere and caring. He pulled out a brush from his pocket and handed it to me.

“I thought you might need this.” 

With a small smile I began running it through my still damp hair, attempting to remove most of the knots. It was hard work.

“Sometimes you can’t help your emotions. Even magicians can’t control their emotions sometimes and we slip.”

“Slip?”

I was confused by what he was talking about. How could they slip? Did he mean with crying and things?

My head was spinning with all my emotions and thoughts. It felt like all I did was slip. I had no control over my emotions. An open book, the orphanage sisters had called me.

“Yes slip. When we lose control, our mental barrier becomes weaker.”

“Mental barrier? What is that? How does it work?”

Gareth smiled widely. “You have a lot of questions.”

“You are very interesting,” I replied.

This much was true. I found the magicians completely intriguing. The way that they used their powers and how they came to have them, and in particular, the way they were able to block out their emotions. It was something I had never thought I would be privy to – the minds of a magician.

“Alright, I’ll tell you about Mental Barriers, but then we need to feed you some more and get you to Blake,” Gareth said gently.

My lips curved into a smile involuntarily, happy someone was telling me something, only slightly darkened by the thought of having to spend more time with Blake and his continually shifting moods. I continued to work the brush slowly through my hair, pleased at the progress as he began to speak.

“For a magician, a Mental Barrier is very important,” Gareth began, his eyes focussed on me intently. “A Mental Barrier helps us to disguise ourselves from those we fight against. If we can block out our intentions and our thoughts, no one knows who we are.”

“Do you block out your emotions too?” I asked quickly when he took a breath.

“Yes, but that is something that is much, much harder and not all of us have mastered that,” Gareth explained with a small frown. “I myself have a lot of trouble masking my emotions but the others… they seem to grasp it very well.

I thought about his words and tried to quickly decide whether I should ask the question that had been playing in the back of my mind for a while. I was afraid of the answer, but knew if I didn’t ask now I might never get another chance.

“Are there people that can feel people’s emotions? As in that is their power?”

“What makes you ask that?” Gareth asked, surprised and suspicious. “I have never heard of anything like that, but I guess it is possible.”

I watched his eyes cloud over as he thought about my question carefully. I tried hard to keep a blank face so that he didn’t suspect anything, but there was a strong feeling of disappointment that was rising in me. There was no one with an ability like that. It made me feel like I was someone who didn’t belong, like I was broken. Maybe what I was feeling wasn’t a magical ability at all; maybe I really was going crazy.

“Enough chat,” Gareth said cheerily, his eyes bright again. “Time to get you on your way.”

I stopped brushing my hair which was now mostly untangled and plaited it quickly so it was out of the way. Gareth took the brush and hid it within his pocket with a wink.

He grabbed my bag full of clothes and led me out of room, back into the confusing corridors. The sun was now shining directly in the many windows, lighting up the corridors as we strode hastily along them. After many minutes of following behind Gareth and his swishing cloak, we reached a pair of big wooden doors that looked so old and elegant.

I touched the cool wood and smiled at the intricate pattern that ran up and down the door, making it look so beautiful. They had many stories to tell but wood could not talk. And I had never seen anything like it before.

“This way, Kida,” Gareth said quietly, pushing the door with all his might.

The door creaked open to reveal a large outdoor area, with beautiful gardens and a market with people rushing around buying products and bartering with storeowners.

I took a big breath and felt more at home. I hadn’t even realised I had been sweating profusely and the cool breeze dried and cooled my skin.

Gareth motioned to me quietly as we slipped into the stream of people leaving the beautiful market and out into the street outside.

From the outside I could see the giant walls that contained the market, the stone dark and brooding, something that would not be obvious from the inside. It loomed high above us but I did not recognise any of it. This must be on the upper side of the city, definitely on the western side where people like me did not exist. The sea air was cool and I relished in the smell of the salt that hung everywhere.

I watched the people as they streamed past me. They were swathed in exquisite clothing that was wrapped around their shoulders and fell down to the ground in swooping skirts. The colours were vibrant, the materials shimmering in the sunlight. This was definitely the rich side of town. I was shocked by the coins they simply threw on the table in such an offhand way as they picked out their wares. My fingers twitched on instinct, as if my body already had plans to snatch up the coins before anyone would notice.

Gareth took my wrist so as not to lose me, and we wound our way through the crowded streets to a stable full of elegant horses that snorted and whinnied at the sight of us.

He let go of my hand and I wandered past the many stalls, staring at the large horses that watched me with wary eyes. Some were so tall that their bodies stood taller than me, their large heads looming down from their sheer height. They were intimidating. Without realising, I began twirling my plait in my hand, putting it up and out the way. I knew horses meant we would be riding and I didn’t need it to be a pain.

“Pick one quickly,” I heard Gareth say hurriedly from inside what looked like a storeroom. He came out a few moments later with two saddles and bridles in hand which he placed on a large table. 

“But..”

He disappeared again before I could offer complaint as I walked past all the horses looking for one that looked even mildly interested in me. Some were a deep brown, others a golden chestnut. There was even a pure white horse, which was so big I was the same size as its front legs.

I got to the end of the row and looked in the last stall desperately hoping this horse might pique my interest.

I stopped and stared at the horse, which stared right back at me. The horse was dark as the night with a white strip on its nose that stood out in the limited light. I could see that the horse was shiny and bright from being brushed, a curious look in its dark eyes.

“Hello there… Midnight,” I said, finding a name on the front of the stall. “What do you think? Feel like partnering up me?”

The horse eyed me curiously and sniffed at my hand when I stretched it out to pat its large nose.

“Pick another, that horse is ratty,” an annoyed voice insisted behind me.

I turned to see Blake saddling up another horse. It was the bright white horse, its coat gleaming and its eyes focussing on me for a moment before snorting and turning its head away.

“And that horse isn’t?” I bit back testily.

“Blaze is not a ratty horse,” Blake growled. “That thing won’t let anyone touch him.”

I turned back to Midnight to see that he was watching me curiously still, unblinking. I realised there was only one thing to do, and that was to let him come to me. I took a deep breath and stretched my hand out to Midnight again and closed my eyes, waiting to see what the horse would do.

I waited, fearing that the horse was just as Blake said, but when I felt the softness of hair against my hand I gasped out loud. Not only that, but I sensed feelings, in particular hunger, coming from the horse.

“What?” Blake growled in frustration.

“Blake, be quiet,” I said grumpily, annoyed that he was yelling. “Hand me that apple will you?”

I felt the apple being placed in my other hand, as I kept my eyes on Midnight and smiled widely at the horse.

“Hungry boy?”

The horse’s emotions seemed to roll and tumble in the confusion of my words but as soon as I lifted the apple up for him to see, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of happiness.

Midnight gladly took the apple and let me pat his nose. Even when I entered the stall with him, he didn’t move an inch as I patted his sides down until I led him out. He was as tall as the other horse, muscled and strong. I was glad to have such a strong horse that I knew could carry around my weight. I was also happy he had accepted me, part of me wanting him to just to spite Blake. He may be a Magician, but he was still rude, and I didn’t appreciate rude people.

Midnight thrashed his head about when he saw Blake, but I held firm onto the small rope attached around his neck.

I could see Blake’s grumpy face watching the horse’s every move and he gave me strict instructions on how to saddle Midnight up, and test that his bridle was secure. I could see the angry look on his face, knowing that I had picked Midnight against his wishes. It gave a strong sense of happiness.

“Good boy,” I murmured to Midnight, who nuzzled into my hand.

I could feel his contentment and happiness, and almost pride. I knew he liked me.

I smiled to myself as I struggled to mount him. Midnight must have known I lacked the skill of horse riding, so stood as still as possible, even when Gareth had to help me up onto the horse’s back. 

“Can you ride?” Blake asked, a small smirk on his lips. I knew he already knew the answer, but it was like he enjoyed taunting me.

“No!”

“Well, I guess today you are going to learn.”

Gareth hurried to tie my pack on the back of the saddle and made sure it was secure. He gave me a tense look and then a wry smile as if he thought it would change the sudden fear that clenched at my stomach.

“Keep your heels pushed down, elbows tucked in and a firm grip on the reigns,” Gareth whispered hurriedly, his green eyes filled with worry. “Let your body move with the horse, okay?”

I nodded, the fear and panic building inside my chest. How in the heck was I going to manage this? This was the first time I had sat on a horse, let along ridden one.

“Hurry up now,” Blake griped.

I stared him down and then whispered gently to Midnight, “Take it nice and slow please.”

Midnight seemed to nod in agreement, his head bobbing up and down vigorously and slowly took off to follow Blake out of the stables.

I looked back to see Gareth waving goodbye, his face worried. I gave him a cheery wave, hoping to lift his spirits a little, but his face only darkened and I felt a pang of guilt strike through me.

My stomach felt like lead as I followed Blake through the cities winding streets to the large eastern exit. I jostled around in the saddle, unable to get by bearings. I desperately just wanted to be back on the ground on my own two feet.

A few guards stood around the gate mumbling to each other. Blake nodded once and they opened the door for us, and I got my first glimpse of the world outside the city.

I could feel my fear rising, but I swallowed it down as Blake picked up the pace and we sped away from the only place I had ever known and into the unknown I wish I knew more about.