Chapter 3

Alpha Julian

I was angry and frustrated at the same time.

And the worst part? I couldn’t even justify it. There was no reason for the storm raging inside me. If anything, I should have been satisfied. I’d finally gotten what I wanted. Emily was gone. Out of my life. Exactly what I wanted all these years.

I had never wanted her. And left to me we wouldn't have been married in the first place, this was all my family's fault. 

I reached for the half-empty bottle of brandy on my desk and took another long gulp. The burn hit the back of my throat, but it did nothing to numb the ache in my chest.

I should be happy, shouldn’t I?

That’s what I’d told myself over and over again, that once she was out of my life, everything would be easier.

But as I sat there, staring at the signed divorce papers on my table, I felt anything but relief.

All I felt was emptiness.

I picked up the papers. Her signature was scrawled at the bottom. I traced my finger over her name, my chest tightening.

“Sign it,” I muttered under my breath, forcing out a bitter laugh. “End it, Julian.”

Still, my hand wouldn’t move.

Instead, I lifted the bottle again and tilted it back until the last drop burned my tongue. Then, with a frustrated groan, I leaned forward, fingers digging through my hair.

That’s when I saw something lying near the desk.

Her journal.

The one she’d thrown at me before walking out. Its cover was scuffed, the leather edges worn and cracked. When I reached down to pick it up, a bundle of yellowed papers slipped out, tied neatly with a faded ribbon.

I frowned, leaning forward to pick one up. My breath caught the moment I saw the handwriting.

I knew it.

Those were Ava’s letters. The ones I’d received years ago, back when I was still a student abroad, and my father had died. My anonymous pen pal, the one who had written me poetry, the one whose words had saved me on nights I’d nearly lost myself.

I’d fallen in love with her letters before I’d ever known her name.

But why were they here? In Emily’s journal?

I opened one and started to read. The familiar lines stared back at me, but there was something I had never noticed before, the phrasing, the tiny doodle of a lily in the corner. I remembered that flower. Emily used to draw the same thing on the margins of her notes.

My pulse thundered. I flipped to another page.

"I love today, but I promise to love you more tomorrow, and better the day after that."

My throat tightened. And then my gaze froze on the last detail.

A single hibiscus was pressed against the page.

That flower. The same one tattooed at Emily’s butt.

My blood ran cold. My hand shook as the truth struck me.

It had been Emily. All this time.

She was the one who had written to me in my darkest moments. The one who’d understood me better than anyone. The one who’d kept me alive when I thought I couldn’t be saved.

And I had married her only to destroy her completely.

“Goddess,” I whispered, pressing the letter to my forehead. “No… no, it can’t be.”

“No…” I whispered.

I grabbed another letter. Then another. The same handwriting. The same way of folding the paper. The same signature.

I felt my pulse racing. My throat tightened as the truth began to claw its way into my mind.

“Emily?” I breathed, disbelief twisting my insides. “She was the one?”

I staggered toward the door, my heart pounding so violently it felt like it was trying to tear its way out of my chest.

“Emily!” I shouted, my voice echoing down the hall.

No response.

I tore through the mansion like a madman, slamming open every door. “Emily! Where the hell are you?!”

Nothing.

I ran straight to her room, the one I hadn’t stepped foot in for months. The air smelled faintly of her perfume, and the bed was still unmade. 

She wasn’t there.

“Where is she?” I barked, turning to one of the guards who appeared at the doorway.

“My Alpha,” the man stammered, “she drove out about an hour ago.”

My stomach dropped. “What?”

“She took her car and left the estate, sir. We thought she had your permission.”

“Permission?” I snapped, my voice rising. “Do I look like I gave her permission to leave this palace?!”

The guard flinched, stepping back.

I turned to my Beta, Marcus, who had just rushed in. “Search the entire house. Every corner. I don’t care if you have to tear the place apart, find her!”

He nodded quickly and left.

Minutes passed. My heart raced as I paced the hall like a caged animal. I didn’t even know what I’d do if I found her.

When Marcus finally returned, the look on his face was enough to make my blood run cold.

“She’s not here,” he said quietly. “We’ve checked everywhere.”

I felt something inside me crack. “No…”

“My Alpha..” Marcus started, but his words were cut off by another guard rushing in, clutching a phone in his hand. His face was pale.

“Alpha, you need to see this.”

He handed me the phone, and I froze.

It was a photo of a car that was burnt beyond recognizition.

The caption beneath the image made my vision blur:

“Ex-wife of Alpha Julian Whitford burnt to death in a car crash.”

The phone slipped from my hand, crashing to the floor.

“No,” I whispered. “No, no, no!”

I didn’t even hear Marcus calling after me as I bolted down the hall. I grabbed my keys.

All I could hear was the roaring in my head.

I threw open the garage door, jumped into my car, and sped out.

The tires screeched as I hit the main road. My vision blurred with tears I refused to let fall.

I drove across the Pack at a mad, reckless speed. I almost ran down some of those people and vehicles in my way.

When I finally saw the flashing lights in the distance, my heart plummeted. Fire trucks surrounded the wreck.

I slammed the car door open before it even stopped moving and ran toward the burning car.

I ran until I felt my lungs would burst. I ran with Emily's image etched solely in my head. I ran cursing myself, I was a fucking fool. I ran until my heart seemed about to falter and almost give out.

I was a block from the scene when everything came into sight. The car was burnt beyond recognizition and they were only able to pull out what looks like a human skeleton from the car. 

“Alpha Julian, please step back!” someone shouted, but I didn’t listen.

“Emily!” I screamed. My voice broke on her name. “Emily!”

The firefighters tried to hold me back, but I struggled against them, thrashing like a madman. 

“Get your hands off me!” I shouted, choking on smoke and grief. “Where is my wife?!”

One of the firemen grabbed me firmly by the shoulders. “We are sorry, but she's dead." 

I stared at the mangled wreck, the fire still licking at what was once her car. My knees gave way, and I fell hard onto the floor, my finger digging deep into the ground as sobs tore through my chest. I had no strength left. My body was exhausted and numb, except from the pain in my heart that was so fierce. My mind became so loud, screaming at me.

She's dead!

I realized I was gripping the dirt and trying to deny it when I knew the skeleton that was pulled out was hers. I was weeping like a child. Crying my eyes out, crying my guts out

I lunged to my feet. Slowly I began walking away from the ashes of my dead wife.

There was a fury in my tears, and I raised my fist at the sky and cursed the Goddess. Then I cursed myself, blaming myself for her death, for not loving her when I had the chance. Why? why did I now realize how much I loved her dearly, and yes, damnit, needed her more than anything in the world? How could I go on like this?