Coffee with Marcus was great, but it was more than enough energy I had to expend on anyone today. I needed to be alone. And so, I found myself in Central Park on a nice bench by the lake, my journal in hand, tapping my pen against my temple.
Cut off Mother for good?
When to confront Emily?
Continue helping Aubrey?
Dinner?
“I gotta cut down on takeout.” I sighed to myself and stared at the ducks squawking in the distance and getting in the lake.
“Decisions, decisions,” came a dramatic sigh by my shoulder and I screamed, causing the ducks to screech and flutter their wings in panic, soaking any unfortunate passerby with a spray of water.
“Jesus Christ, Lilith!” Cristo gasped, having run away to the other side of the bench and grabbing his chest, but then he smirked. “Should I say those names in the same breath?”
I rolled my eyes as he straightened and stared up at the sky, making the sign of the cross and putting his palms together. My face felt warm, although I wasn’t sure why.
“You think that’s an apology enough for God?”
“What do you want, Cristo?”
“I just remembered God isn’t the only one I have to apologize to.” He grinned at me.
I gave him a dubious look.
Is this guy right in the head?
“You’re totally judging me,” he stated blankly and groaned while jabbing his hands into his pockets. “Look, I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I shouldn’t have dropped you.”
“Better late than never, I guess...” I replied dismissively and put my journal away. “But why do I get the sense that you’re stalking me?”
“Stalking you?” He chuckled and crossed his arms. He looked nice outside the formal events I normally saw him at. He was dressed in black fitted jeans and a black T-shirt, paired with a short-sleeved white button up left open. His Nike shoes were very…interesting. It hurt my eyes. A dark-gray backpack hung on his shoulder, hair casually parted to the side, and he was even wearing round glasses. Very nerdy.
It was kind of cute.
Extremely cute, actually.
“We could’ve done this on Monday in my office. Not in the middle of the day at Central Park.”
“I was on my way to the orphanage site, Lilith.” He rolled his eyes, smirking. “I saw you and decided to take a future task off my agenda. Anyway, if I had to stalk someone, it would be the construction manager.”
“I wasn’t aware you swung that way.”
“I swear to god you’re just fucking with me at this point,” he deadpanned, but sighed and dropped down next to me. “I suspect him of overestimating the funds to rake in some illicit gains.”
He was sitting rather close, almost touching my shoulder. My heart rate spiked from his proximity, which was a little confusing, because what the hell could that mean? His presence shouldn’t do that to me.
The breeze carried his cologne over to me and he smelled rather nice. Like freshly mown grass. I looked over at him, a little confused that such a male scent existed until I noticed grass stains on his sleeves. Had he been rolling around on the ground?
“And that’s why you’re dressed like a teenage TikToker in broad daylight?”
He stared at me from beneath his glasses perched low on his nose, stormy gray eyes piercing into my soul quite literally and making my heart skip a beat. “I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you very much.”
“Very convincing cover.” I shook my head and looked away, trying to hold back my smile. What was with him, and why was he being like this? I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me laugh in the slightest. I knew I should let things go for his stupidity yesterday, but I had a hard time not holding grudges.
Once upon a time, I was too forgiving a person and look where that had landed me...
“Hey, umm…” he exhaled nervously, “I never apologized for what happened all those years ago. Not properly, at least. I was a dumb kid and should’ve just gone along with the session. I heard you failed the assignment.”
I almost snapped my neck turning to look at him. “How do you know that?”
“I’ve been in touch with Mrs. Beaumont for a while.” He shrugged cheekily. “Don’t tell my parents, though, please. They’ll blow up on me for keeping secrets.”
“Whoa, wait, does that mean you were in touch with the Dupont kids, too?”
“You already know them,” he said in a cheerful tone as he pushed himself to stand. “Just…don’t tell Mrs. Beaumont about that. Or my parents. Getting my dad’s family back together was…totally not my scheme.”
“I’m guessing The Parent Trap is your favorite movie.”
“You’re frighteningly insightful. Good day!”
Cristo rushed off, leaving me alone on the bench feeling extremely confused.
I muttered under my breath, “What the fuck?”
The loneliness was so overwhelmingly loud when I walked inside the house around sunset. It emanated from the walls quite literally. The apartment, although a small studio, felt so big. Usually, this would weigh on my chest and make me feel like I couldn’t breathe, but I kept thinking about the park. And laughing.
I was kind of funny, wasn’t I?
While the walls decorated with paintings and shelves still complained about the emptiness in the air, it didn’t feel so obvious anymore. I’d had a pretty good day with both Marcus and Cristo.
As I walked toward the phone and played the voicemail on reflex, I knew nothing in that moment could take today’s satisfaction away from me.
“Lilian, please pick up the phone. I’m so sorr—”
Beep.
Nothing at all, I thought as I shut off my mother’s voice immediately.
I hated myself for being there, but honestly, I wasn’t sure where else to go.Therapy, a snide part of myself remarked, but I shook it off. Alex was a good person, understood things and made sure I never dropped off the edge. I was as scared of medication as I was of drugs and Alex was the only barrier between us. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to supply me and keep watch while I consumed it. Alex was trustworthy.The door swung open and I could smell the smoke already.“Aye, Lucifer!”“Lilith,” I grumbled. “Why do you always forget?”“When it hits that good”—She rolled the joint between her fingers—“you don’t need good memory.”I forgot to mention that I had only ever attempted to do drugs once, but I chickened out and ran away. Alex had laughed about it for weeks. I rolled my eyes at her laugh, a deep rumble from her belly. If it wasn’t for her long, messy brown hair, she could’ve easily been mistaken for a teenage boy with that voice of hers.But really, though, she had a terrible me
Aubrey sat patiently before me, but the annoyance rolled off of her in waves. I wondered if it was directed at me, and I wouldn’t blame her because our last conversation hadn’t been the nicest.“I…” she started, but paused and breathed deeply, “I stopped seeing him.”“Is it okay if I ask why?”She seemed nervous, fiddling with her thumbs as if she had a secret too big to bear. Her eyes were red, nose puffy, and cheeks bright with freckles. Aubrey was not okay.“I’m so tired, Lilith,” she whispered while staring blankly at her hands. “So, so tired of not feeling what I want to. What I should.”“And what should you feel?” I tried to sound kind. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect besides more recklessness and demand on her part. I was only here because she paid me for this meeting. As sad as that sounded, that’s just how business worked.At least that’s how I worked.Maybe I had deep-set issues related to money that I should’ve been looking into. Either way, I had to try to care abou
It was a cold Tuesday evening, but the restaurant was pleasantly warm. Emily. Silky brown hair throwing off gold light, center parted, slicked down over the scalp, and clipped back with a pretty brooch. Lips too pink, and eyes too warm for someone who’d let me suffer for years under her son’s thumb. She sat down before me, her skin paler than I remembered. The deep purple dress stood out starkly against her complexion.Oh, no fake tan today.“The ring’s nice,” I commented with a sip of my wine.“His name’s George,” she said carelessly. “He has great taste, doesn’t he?”“Acquired?” I said, boring my eyes into hers.Her gaze was sharp. “You’ve gotten brave.”“Better than being desperate.” I set my wine down gently. “Don’t want anything ruining your big day, I assume?”“It’s been years, Lilian.”She sounded so casual and dismissive.“You think invalidating my pain will get you anywhere?”The waiter arrived, asking for our orders. Emily didn’t have the chance to stare me down as she turne
The keys jingled as I unlocked the door.“I don’t know why but I was expecting a huge place.” Marcus chuckled as we stepped inside. I shed my coat and tossed it onto the stand.“It’s just me.” I sighed and kicked my heels off. “So it doesn’t make sense to have too large a place.”“The interior’s impeccable, though.”“I definitely made a big investment in it,” I agreed. “Make yourself at home. Do you like mint lemonade?”“Sure.”I went into the kitchen quickly without another word, really needing to be away from Marcus. My social battery felt like it would die out completely if I spent another second around him. It would’ve been nice to know he was such a talker. Not that it was a problem, honestly, but there was only so much I could handle after everything that had happened tonight.My gaze dropped to the brown file on the island and I almost groaned. Emily’s profile. Snatching it off the marble surface, I pulled open the trash drawer and stuffed it in. Sliding it shut, I breathed dee
“Lilith!” came Aubrey’s excited squeal as she ran into my office and plopped down onto the seat before my desk. Normally, I’d be quite annoyed, but today I felt all right. “You’ll never guess what happened!”“Not until you tell me, no,” I agreed as I typed away and scanned the data for issues. “Make it quick, though. I have to leave for an appointment in ten minutes.”“I got invited to Fashion Week in South Korea!” she shrieked, jumping around in her seat“Oh, wow, that’s wonderful.” I smiled at her. “The getaway you’ve been looking for, right?”She smacked her hands on the table. “Yes, and I’m taking all my friends with me.”“That sounds like a lot of fun!”“It will be!” she cheered. “You’re coming with me!”I blinked at her, trying to register what she said.“Aubrey, I’m not—”“Please?” She rose from her seat and reached across my desk to grab my hands. “You never take a break from work except on the weekends. It’ll be fun. And South Korea’s amazing with so many other conventions ha
I hadn’t felt so excited for anything in my life. I couldn’t sleep, and I felt a surge of relief flowing through me. No Mom, no Emily, no Marcus. And no Cristo. I could finally catch a break. Aubrey had sent me a list of essentials. Apparently, we’d be heading to a resort there with our very own open pool, which didn’t make sense considering how cold it was starting to get. But I went with it and searched for any bikinis I had. Hmm, I’ll have to buy some, I realized while scanning my wardrobe. I hadn’t visited the beach in ages. I was surprised she was only taking three other people along. I thought Aubrey was the super-social kind. But then again, I didn’t know much about her personal life outside her love life. My phone rang on top of a pile of clothes, and I noticed it was already 4:30 a.m. Aubrey wanted breakfast at the airport before we boarded the private jet, so we could all get acquainted with each other. "Do you want me to pick you up?" read her message. "We’re all carpoo
The glitz and glamor of it all, as beautiful and mesmerizing as it was, gave me a headache. Too many photographers, music too loud and it was too cold. It smelled like paint and smoke. Artificial. The jewelry glinted into my eyes, and the whispers tickled my ears and made it unbearable to even be there.I’d made a mistake. Fashion shows were absolutely not for me.I felt Jenna’s hand on mine, gentle and concerned. I looked at her and she nodded in understanding, turning to whisper to Aubrey and taking me away to the bathroom. I followed her without hesitation and looked in the mirror, a little shocked. My neck and cheeks were flushed, making my freckles pop.“Are you feeling okay?”“I don’t know.” I laughed and shook my head. “Guess I’m not a fan of crowded spaces.”“It was noisy, too,” she agreed with a solemn nod. I splashed some cold water on my face, hoping my mascara wouldn’t run down even though it was waterproof. I’d kept makeup on me anyway but didn’t want to take the time to
I woke up in the middle of the night, a little confused and somewhat panicked. I wasn’t sure why, I knew I’d just had a nightmare, but I couldn’t remember any of the details. The lights in the room were off, but there was a dim light from the outside spilling in under the door.It outlined Cristo’s silhouette. He sat on the stool, arms crossed on the bed, leaning forward and his head resting on them as he snored away softly. I felt so bad for him.Tentatively, I reached out for him, unsure if what I was doing was appropriate. I just wanted him to sleep okay and not be too tired to drive back home.“Cristo,” I whispered with a gentle hand on his shoulder. I nudged him just enough for him to open his eyes. He blinked sleepily and lifted his head, yawning wide.“Hi.” He grunted tiredly, and oh, my fucking goodness—what was his voice doing to me?I felt so embarrassed at the very sensual reaction my body had to it that I pulled the comforter over my chest. Not that he would be able to see