Chapter six

Chapter six

My heart sank hearing that line “Julie is pregnant with my child.”

I stood rooted in place, unable to move, the suitcase laying in front of me waiting for me to resume my packing. The words rang so loud in my ears that I thought I was about to lose my hearing ability. Pregnant. Not a brief reunion. A baby. His baby. With Julie, the woman who’d walked away from him at the altar in a white dress that cost more than my entire wardrobe, the woman whose name still made Sean’s eyes soften in a way my name never did.

My mind flashed backward to the pictures I had seen hidden in his drawers; Julie laughing on a beach in a very sexy bikini, skin glowing with Sean’s arm around her waist. I had stared at the pictures until my vision blurred, then quietly slid the drawer shut and pretended I hadn't seen them. I told myself it was the past. I told myself I could change history.

Now history was repeating itself.

I finally came back to my senses. I turned to Sean slowly. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but my voice came out low and steady. “So that’s the full picture,” I said. “You couldn’t even wait to divorce me. You just went ahead and cheated.”

I couldn’t believe him. Even if he didn’t love me, the least he could do was respect me and wait for our divorce to be finalized before falling in bed with his so-called lover!

“Just some months ago I lost our baby and you were already in a quest to get a new one, I'm so happy for you.” My tone dripped with sarcasm. I stared at him this time with hatred in my eyes. All those nights I’d shed tears for our baby, he was out and about with the woman of his dreams. “You finally found the dream family you have been looking for. I hope it lasts forever.” I chuckled but it lacked humor.

I dragged my suitcase to the living room, ready to be out of this house.

He stood motionless behind me, arms folded across his chest like he wasn’t going to let me spoil his found happiness.

“I didn’t plan for it to happen this way,” he replied, voice soft like he didn’t just drop a bomb on me. “But it did. We’re keeping it.”

My laugh came out bitter. “Congratulations, of course you're keeping it. I mean you wouldn’t want to be loyal to your miserable wife at home and miss out on the girl of your dreams, would you?” I couldn’t help myself from taunting him. “Two months of secret conversations, and I was still here folding your shirts the way you like them.”

I took a step closer, close enough to smell the faint trace of his cologne.

“I quit my job for you,” I said, the words tasting like acid. “I told my boss I wanted to focus on our home, on being the wife you deserved. I thought if I made everything perfect, the meals, the house, you’d finally see me. Not as a replacement plan but just me.”

Sean’s gaze dropped to the floor for half a second, long enough for me to notice a little bit of shame in his eyes. Oh he should really be ashamed of himself I thought to myself.

“You saw what you wanted. You were only thinking about yourself and your feelings,” he said. “I never promised love. I never promised anything beyond the ring and the name on the marriage certificate.”

“You are so right, I was just too delusional to see reality. Thank you for this reality check” I had accepted that I was a fool. “God, I was so stupid to think kindness could grow into something real. I thought time would be good to us but I guess it was just me.”

I dragged the back of my palm across my eyes, refusing to let the tears win completely. Silence stretched between us, thick and suffocating. I straightened. “I’m leaving tonight. I don’t want to waste any more of your time with your family.”

“You don’t have to go right now,” he said, softer this time. Almost gentle. “It’s late. The guest room…”

“Don’t.” I cut him off with a single word sharper than any I had ever spoken to him. “Dont say anything that’ll make me hate you more than I already have.”

I gripped the suitcase handle tighter and started towards the front door. Each step felt so heavy, my chest was starting to hurt so bad from all the crying.

Hand on the doorknob, I paused. The remnants of dinner still lingered in the air: garlic, butter, rosemary. I had spent two hours perfecting the recipes, imagining his rare smile when he saw it. Instead, I dumped it in the trash while he watched in silence.

I glanced back up at him, he looked so uncomfortable.

One last look over my shoulder. “When it falls apart with Julie and it will, because karma will be on its way to you, I hope you won’t be out looking for another backup plan.”

I opened the door.

I walked to the curb, legs trembling but moving forward. I raised her hand, and a yellow cab slowed almost immediately.

“Where to?” the driver asked, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.

I slid into the backseat, the suitcase beside me the only thing I had left “Just drive for a while. Anywhere. I need to think.”

The cab pulled away. The house shrank in the mirror until it was just another rectangle among many. I leaned my head against the window, the glass cool against my temple.

Tears came again, quieter this time. The sob I had been holding on to flowed freely this time,I thought about what kind of life I would live now since for the past year my life has been all about Sean and his needs.

But that wasn’t an issue. I could start all over. I was still young. A year of my life was wasted but I wouldn’t be wasting any more time. I wasn’t even going to text my parents or my sister. This was the end of the road for them in my life too. From that moment I didn’t have a family, only Jane.

With that thought, I gave the driver the address to Jane’s place. She was the only person I could depend on for now.

I closed my eyes. For the first time in a year, my breathing came easy. The ache was still there raw and fresh, but beneath it something new stirred; hope that a better future was waiting for me.

I had survived the altar humiliation that wasn’t even mine. And now I was choosing to live for myself and I would make the best of it.

I opened my eyes and whispered to the driver, “It’s so beautiful at night.”

The driver just nodded and smiled warmly at me.

As the cab accelerated, I allowed myself one last glance backward. Nothing but city lights now. No house. No husband. No marriage that was out for my life.

Just the road ahead.

I exhaled. I had survived Sean.

And I would survive whatever else was waiting for me ahead.