chapter 4

Rael's Pov

I opened my eyes and knew right away something was really wrong. This wasn't my room.

The ceiling was plain white and I didn't recognize it at all. The bed under me felt stiff and uncomfortable like no one had slept there for a long time. I sat up slowly and my whole body hurt, my muscles ached and my joints felt like they were grinding together. There was a dull pain behind my eyes that just wouldn't go away.

I looked around the small room but didn't recognize anything. The walls were empty except for one small painting of a forest. The furniture was simple and old. There was a dresser in the corner and just one chair by the window. That was it, i had no personal stuff, no warmth. Just a guest room or something for visitors.

Where was my stuff?

I got up on shaky legs and went to the dresser. I opened all the drawers, it was empty, there was nothing. Then I checked the small closet next to the door. There was just a plain dress and some basic shoes on the floor, none of it was mine.

My throat got tight and panic started to build in my chest. Where was everything? Where were my clothes and my jewelry? What about the little box of letters my mom wrote me before she died? Where was the blue shawl Corvin gave me on our bonding day?

The door opened and I spun around.

A middle-aged woman with kind eyes and gray hair walked in holding a tray with water and bread. She wore simple pack healer clothes, when she saw I was awake she smiled softly.

"Luna Rael," she said, then quickly fixed herself. "I mean Rael. You're awake, that's good. You need to eat something."

"Where are my things?" I asked. My voice was rough and cracked because I hadn't used it in a while.

Her smile got smaller and she put the tray down on the small table by the bed. "I don't know about your stuff. I was only told to check on your health."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Doctor Lydia . I've been the pack doctor for fifteen years."

I didn't know her name, but I wasn't surprised. A lot had changed in five years.

"Sit down please," she said, pointing to the bed. "I need to check you."

I didn't want to, but my legs shook so much I had no choice. I sat down hard, and she came closer with her healer bag.

"May I?" she asked, motioning to my arms.

I nodded. She rolled up the sleeves of my thin nightgown. Her eyes got big when she saw my wrists, i knew what she was looking at. The scars were thick and ugly, wrapped around my wrists like silver bracelets that would never come off. The scars from chains that had dug into my skin every day for so long.

"These are old," she said quietly. Her voice sounded kind of scared. "Silver burns?"

"Yes."

She touched them lightly and I jumped even though it didn't hurt anymore. The pain was long gone but the memories were still fresh and sharp.

"There are more," I said. "All over me."

She looked at me with pity in her eyes. I hated that. I didn't want anyone's pity.

"May I see?"

I stood up and pulled the nightgown off without caring if I was modest anymore. What did it even matter now? She was a healer, she had seen everything before. I stood there naked and let her look.

I heard her sharp breath.

The scars covered me like a map of pain. Long thin lines from whips across my back. Round burn marks on my sides and stomach from hot metal. Deep cuts on my ankles just like the ones on my wrists and other marks too. Marks I didn't want to think about.

"Goddess above," Doctor Lydia whispered. She put her hand to her mouth. "What did they do to you?"

"Does it matter?" I said.

"Rael, I need to know what happened so I can help you better."

"You can't help me," I said and put my nightgown back on. "No one can."

"Please. Just tell me something. Were you kept captive? Were you hurt?"

I sat down again and stared at the wall. "Yes."

"For how long?"

"Five years."

She was quiet for a long time and then sat down next to me on the bed. "You are very weak. You don't have enough food in you and your body is hurt from everything. You need rest, good food, and time to get better."

"I'm fine."

"You're not," she said strongly. "You collapsed yesterday in front of the whole pack. You were out for a whole day and night. Your body is shutting down because it has been through so much."

I didn't say anything.

"Will you tell me who did this?"

"No."

"Where have you been?"

"No."

"Will you tell me anything at all?"

"No."

Doctor Lydia sighed and stood up. "Okay. I can't make you talk. But I'm here if you need me. I'll check on you again tomorrow."

She walked to the door, then stopped and looked back at me. "Your husband has been sitting outside your room since you woke. He only left for important pack things. He's very worried."

My jaw tightened and anger boiled in my throat. "Tell him to go away."

"Rael, he cares about you."

"Tell him to go away," I said again, my voice cold and hard. "I don't want to see him."

She looked like she wanted to say more but just nodded and left.

I sat on that uncomfortable bed, in that strange room, feeling so heavy. Five years. Five years of pain and darkness and torture. Five years of calling for my mate and he never came. Five years of losing everything.

Now I was back and everything was different. No room of my own.