Chapter Thirty-Six

The sun is hidden behind the clouds, and the day is gloomy and gray.

It reminds me of funeral days. I call them that because this is the kind of weather that I've always associated with funerals. I don't mind a cloudy day, but this is different. It's heavy, like the sky is buckling beneath the weight of the clouds. It worsens my mood, and I close the curtains sharply, eager to be rid of the view before me.

I have no plans to leave my room. Where would I even go when I'm feeling this down? Last night, I thought that I'd wake up feeling like death itself and regretting my choice of words, but oddly enough I don't. If that makes me a terrible person then so be it. I can't lie to myself. I feel like I could have said a lot more to her, and I keep replaying the fight in my head and wishing that I'd added more to my sentences.

Mary deserved to hear what I said. I never realized how fake she was. I mean, she didn't become this person overnight. It was somewhere deep inside of her. Hidden.