Chapter 3

RAE

“Raechel Bourne!”

I cringed and pulled my attention away from the park entrance when Vickie’s loud voice rang through the cafe. She made her way to me between the tables, loaded with shopping bags in both hands.

Shit. I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to meet her. Between my sleepless night and trying to finish an assignment before class, shopping had been the last thing on my mind. 

“Raechel Bourne!” she repeated when she was closer.

“Not everyone needs to know my name, Victoria Montgomery,” I said with an eye roll, stirring my latte. 

I pushed my glasses back up the bridge of my nose as I watched my friend approach. My vision was crystal clear now. I wish I’d had them last night to see what had chased me. 

Vickie dumped her bags in an empty chair at my table and dropped into the one next to it.

“I’ve been calling you for hours! Did you lose your phone again?” Vickie huffed as she raised her hand to call over a server. 

“Forgot to charge it.”

Vickie shook her head and strands of her straight, silky blonde locks fell across her face. 

“Honestly, I don’t even know why you bother having one in the first place. You either lose it, don’t charge it or don’t bother to answer it at all,” she grumbled. 

True. I didn’t know why I bothered, either. Besides Vickie and my therapist, no one else called me. But I was okay with that. I didn’t need any fake friends; my life was already fake enough. 

“I have my appointment in a little while, so I have to make a move,” I told her before I took a sip of my coffee. I pulled a face when I realised it had gone cold. I’d been so preoccupied watching the park across the road that I’d wasted my treat for the day.

The park didn’t look that scary in the morning light. People were walking in and out of it as usual. Had I imagined what had happened last night?

“Aren’t you going to ask me what I bought for you? It’s a good thing you have a friend like me, or you’d be going out tonight in one of the horrible outfits in your wardrobe.”

“You bought all the stuff in my wardrobe,” I pointed out.

“That’s how I know they’re horrible. They’re last season’s but we need to look hot tonight.”

I shook my head and sipped my coffee again, only remembering when I had a mouthful of cold coffee. This time I looked around the cafe for a moment before spitting it back out and pushing the cup away. 

“You’re disgusting.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t do that tonight.”

I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t be able to get out of our yearly tradition tonight. We put our books away a week before our finals every year and went club hopping. Vickie said it was a fact that the downtime would ensure our minds were sharper when we started our exams. 

But Vickie didn’t have to worry about failing. She spent her parents’ money like water and could buy whatever she wanted without worrying about paying rent or where her next meal would come from. Though I knew my situation was temporary, I envied her sometimes. 

Still, I wasn’t the only one who worked through college. Once I got my degree, I’d be okay. My plan was foolproof. 

“Did you hand in your paper?” Vickie asked. 

“Only just. It kicked my butt, though.”

“You always say that and then you get top marks,” Vickie laughed. “You’re a genius.”

If only. I worked twice as hard as everyone else because I had a huge disadvantage. I dared anyone to do an Accounting degree when facing the same issues. I studied any chance I got, even compromising on my sleep most times. But Vickie was the genius. She barely opened her textbooks and still aced everything. Even if her family lost everything, Vickie would land on her feet because her brain was amazing. It was what drew me to her in the first place. 

We were an odd pair. Vickie was wealthy, leggy and blonde, and I was poor, short and a bit round. She was out of my league, even as a friend. It wasn’t something I cared about, but I had heard it whispered many times. 

“I really have to go. I’ll try on whatever you bought after classes,” I said when I saw the time.

I took one last look at the park entrance before I stood.

“Charge your phone,” Vickie said sternly. 

“As soon as I get to college,” I promised. 

“No excuses. We need this tonight.”

I waved and walked out of my favourite cafe. It was the closest to my apartment and also where I worked part-time. 

I took a deep, fortifying breath before I started the walk to my appointment. Once a week for the last six years, I had been forced to do that. It should have been clear to them by now that it wasn’t working, but it was a condition put in place by my sponsors, or they wouldn’t pay my tuition. 

When I finally walked into Dr Whitmore’s waiting room I was only ten minutes late. I’d been hoping for at least twenty. The receptionist, Stephanie, smiled but that was only because it was in her job description. I had a knack for reading people, so I knew Stephanie wanted to roll her eyes at me instead. It was a handy sixth sense and probably the reason I didn’t have friends. I could always sense their genuine emotions.

“Dr Whitman is waiting. Please go through,” Stephanie smiled.

We had been playing this passive-aggressive game with each other for a while. The way I saw it, we’d both win when I was finally allowed to stop wasting my time with the appointments. I wasn’t sure who was looking forward to that the most.  

I knocked on Dr Whitman’s office door and let myself in. The doctor was sitting behind her desk, looking at some paperwork. Hair perfectly coiffed as usual and wearing one of her outfits straight from the eighties, Elizabeth Whitman was a no-nonsense type of woman. 

“Miss Bourne,” she said with a nod in greeting. “You’re late.”

Dr Whitman was supposedly the top-rated psychiatrist in our little city. You’d have thought that after six years, she would have worked out that I hated being called Miss Bourne. Unless she was also playing the passive-aggressive game. If so, then fair play.

“I’m sorry,” I answered.

I was sure the doctor could hear the insincerity.

The office was set up how I imagined other psychiatrists’ offices were. The long couch, the chair in front of it, the walls lined with all her accomplishments. When I walked over to the couch, I picked up the day’s newspaper from the coffee table and ignored the coffee carafe and healthy snacks laid out on it. I didn’t know anywhere else that still had newspapers and magazines, but Dr Whitman was set in her ways. She didn’t even have a computer on her desk.

My routine was solid. I made my appearance a little late, said hello, read the paper, and when my time was up, I said goodbye and left. The doctor knew everything about me. I had spoken a lot in the beginning. Now it was just the same old shit and a waste of our time.

I had accepted that this was who I was. It was the doctor who was still in denial. 

A headline caught my eye that had me sitting up straight. 

‘Wild Animal Sighting in Local Park.’

I tensed. It was my local park. The same park I woke up naked in. The thing that chased me... Was that it? Had I narrowly escaped death?

Remnants of the fear that had filled me last night shook my body as I read the rest of the article. 

They said it was a wolf. That hadn’t been a wolf; that had been something evil. My heart raced when I remembered how it had felt to have that cold feeling press into me. 

“What happened?”

The doctor’s voice brought me back to the present. She hadn’t bothered to come and sit in the chair opposite me like she usually did. Maybe she was finally starting to get it. 

“Nothing. Just reading the paper,” I lied with a tight smile. 

The doctor put her pen down and sat back in her swivel chair. 

“I won’t sign you off unless you talk to me, Raechel.”

Oh, so we had gone back to Raechel. 

“I’m not being a bitch on purpose, Dr Whitman. You’ve asked me a million times in a million different ways, and I’ve answered a million times. You know me better than anyone else,” I shrugged. “Nothing has changed. I’m still the same as I was the first day I walked into your office. I just don’t feel like going over the same stuff again.”

“I do know you better than anyone else,” the doctor said with a smile. She looked less intimidating than when she’d had her work face on. She had been the only person I could speak to for a while, so our relationship hadn’t always been strained. 

“I know you better than you know yourself,” she continued.

“Now, hold on—”

“You look tired, so I know you haven’t been sleeping. Your nightmares are back, aren’t they?”

I was tempted to blurt out what happened in the park. I did need help. I couldn’t keep sleepwalking and putting myself in dangerous situations. 

But Dr Whitman would latch onto that like a dog with a bone and would never release me. 

“I’m tired because I’m studying for finals,” I shrugged. “I will catch up on my sleep this weekend.” 

The doctor sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. We had already wasted most of the time.

“Raechel, you went through several mental breakdowns. You were sectioned twice because you couldn’t cope with your situation. I will never believe you just woke up and decided you were fine one day.”

“But that’s what happened,” I sighed. “I just got tired of trying to force something to happen. My life was passing me by. If I ever remember, then that would be great. But I have a plan, and that’s all I need to keep control over things. I’m Raechel Bourne, an Accounting student. I have two more years before I graduate and move on to the next part of the plan. I’m fine, Dr Whitman.”

“You just switched off all that anger? All the frustration?”

“Yes. It was pointless. Who was I angry at? It’s been six years and I still don’t know who I am. No flashbacks or anything,” I reminded her. “But I know who I want to be, Dr Whitman. That’s enough for me. I think you’re the one who needs to accept that, and then maybe you can spend more time with someone who needs you.”

We locked gazes for a while. The doctor picked up her pen and scribbled something in her notes. I knew I’d failed again, so I would have to come back at the same time the following week.

“I’ll see you at the same time next week, Raechel.”

I almost rolled my eyes as I put the paper back on the coffee table and stood.

“You’ll have to let me go one day, Dr Whitman. I’m sure my sponsor would believe you if you told him that I’m okay.”

“Don’t be late next week,” she said, her attention already back on her paperwork. 

I didn’t respond as I walked out of the office into the waiting room. A young boy sat with a parent or guardian, waiting for his turn. He looked as miserable as I had been when I’d started seeing the doctor. I’d come a long way and had Dr Whitman to thank for that. But I was right. There was nothing else she could do for me. 

By the time I got on the bus to campus, I was already late but I wasn’t worried. The professor always made an exception for my appointments and gave me notes to catch up after class. 

There were still other students in between classes walking around or sitting outside. I ignored the ‘oink oink’ noises and snickers as I walked past them. Kids could be stupid and immature, and I found the best way to deal with them was to ignore them.

At least most of them, most of the time. At the last turn in the hallway, a bunch of tall, skinny girls appeared as if they had been waiting for me. They probably had. 

“Look who it is. Little Piggie has finally rolled into school.”

The tallest, skinniest one was always the meanest. I didn’t even know these girls’ names but they’d been on me since the first day. And my spidey senses told me to stay the hell away from them.

“What are you? Twelve? Grow up,” I said without stopping to validate whatever shit they were saying. 

It was only when I pulled my laptop out and settled at the back of the class that the events of last night started playing in my head again. Should I have said something? My goals and plans wouldn’t mean anything if I got killed at the park. Maybe the doctor could have arranged something to ensure I was safe if it happened again. 

But then again, I was nothing without those goals and plans. My future was the most important thing because my past was forever lost. My life had begun the day I had woken up from a coma. I was not ready for the doctor to snatch those plans away from me and tell me I was too messed up to ever be mentally stable. I had to find another way.