I jolted awake, my body screaming in protest at the sudden movement. Glancing at the alarm clock, I groaned into my bedsheets. It was just past three in the morning and I thought I deprived myself of sleep the last few days, that tonight I could fall into a dreamless pit of wonder.
Of course not. No, that would be too much nice, right?
I thought dryly.
Instead of trying to get back to sleep, I untangled myself from Mathew's hold. It was a good aspect for me that he was a deep sleeper. And I couldn't afford to wake him up this early when he had a busy schedule tomorrow. I combed through my frizzy brown locks lazily before jumping into my slippers and snatching my warm woolen shawl from under my pillow.
Slowly, almost like some ninja out of those horrible action movies, I inched my way down the stairs. Careful enough not to step on ones that would creak under my weight. Mathew's light snores sounded through the house. I rolled my eyes. He claimed he never snored but he was the main cause of my many sleepless nights.
Slipping outside onto my porch, a cool gust of wind blew past me and I shivered involuntarily. Goosebumps rose on the surface of my skin, but I paid no attention as I wrapped the thick fabric around myself.
The chilliness did its job, calming my nerves even if it was for the slightest.
A sigh escaped me as I looked at the black canvas above me, I admired its beauty even in the night. Nightfall was just another way of showing the beauty of something so dark. The irony is that the sun did not need to be out all the time to make everything else alluring in its state. Nighttime was just as beautiful, dare I say, much more peaceful altogether. Only in darkness could we glimpse the fullest light our soul carried for us.
I thought back to the night.
Two years ago, something was taken from me. I couldn't say my everything, but my reason to live. A large piece of me was taken though. A part of me I would never get back. Feeling pain when thinking about an experience was a fundamental part of our true nature. It never meant that our past was wounded or we were damaged goods, it just meant we were paying attention to painful thoughts and letting the pain convince us otherwise was what truly haunted us, not the past itself.
Then again dream was not fully a dream, but my memory.
My parents were murdered in cold blood. The soulless eyes of theirs still haunt my living. A part of me vanished with them that could never be mended again. Their demise affected me in ways that it was not fully describable, I was confident, I was brave, I was strong.
But after that, I was pathetic, I was scared, I was weak.
That night was all my fault. It happened because I wasn't cautious, I was a stubborn child. Only if, I wouldn't have thrown a tantrum about wanting strawberry ice cream in the middle of the night, they would've been still alive.
I closed my eyes tightly, not willing myself to cry. I made myself several promises that I wouldn't cry over this. One is, I would never shed a damn tear feeling guilty. I decided to blame it on destiny, a cruel idea to lessen my pain, my suffering but little I knew, it would only add fuel to the fire of my tranquility.
I couldn't remember anything of that night, except the lifeless bodies of my parents and those strange crimson eyes. I barely had any memory after that.
Sometimes, I think that I had imagined those eyes because when my consciousness was returned Falcon was beside me. He had bandaged my wrists, that I had sliced open my wrists with a razor blade from my father's shaving kit. I couldn't ask him anything because all I could do was hear.
He had managed to give me a little peace of mind that night.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
He was a friend I had spent all my childhood with. Through our highs and lows, we remained with each other. His happiness became mine, my sorrows became his.
Sharing is caring, they said. Unless it's time for us to share our nightmares.
A sigh left my lips as I glanced up at the sky, the slight light color somehow managed to make its way all through the beautiful canvas, telling me it was time to go inside. A quick look at the time let me know it was almost five in the morning.
I should make some coffee.
"Come on! You're gonna be late." I heard my boyfriend, Mathew, shout from downstairs. I rolled my eyes applying layers of concealer under my eyes before blending it. The dark circles underneath quickly vanished as I had just waved a wand of wonder and BOOM! Plum, glossed lips stretched into those fake smiles I often wear during office hours and public meetings. I gave a self-approving nod to my reflection before grabbing my bag and bounding down the stairs.
"At last, come to have breakfast." Mathew threw his hands up like the melodramatic man he was. I just shot him a teasing grin and stuck my tongue out at him. He rolled his eyes, "So childish." He murmured under his breath, though a playful glint sparkled in those pale green eyes. Mathew was a man who was naturally blessed with beauty, his high rose cheekbones added a pinch of rugged essence to his manliness, the soft-looking sandy hairs complimented his beautiful tan skin.
The aquiline nose he sported complemented his prominent cheekbones. Handsome in an understated way, his basalt jaw and Spartan shoulders spoke of strength. He possessed a latent, leonine power and always walked with purpose and authority.
A small smile somehow danced on my face.
I was lucky to have him by my side.
With rushed steps, I walked towards the chair he had already pulled out for me. The sweet aroma of pancakes filled my nostrils and I didn't think twice before devouring the sponginess of pancakes. Like always, he had spread honey syrup all over.
The man watched as I ate my breakfast. Most of the time, his orbs were drawn to my chocolate hairs that swayed with a feather-like fleetness to my every subtle movement, which as he says, was truly bewitching.
With serenely comfortable silence, I finished my breakfast. Mathew was quick to replace the empty plate with a glass full of freshly squeezed orange juice as he gave me a look to finish the orange liquid before walking inside the kitchen to wash my plate.
An unexpected memory lightens up and I smiled faintly peering down at the glass. I remember perching next to my mother where she would always place fresh bread, pancakes, and waffles on my plate knowing how much I adored them. She would usually advise me to eat more and to finish everything on my plate. Truly a loving mother.
"When are you getting off?" Mathew's honey-laced voice caressed my ears as I perked my eyes to give him my full attention. The male enlightened, his smile broadened with amusement as he sensed my eyes conclusively on him.
"Do you need me?" I asked with a teasing grin on my lips. Mathew laughed, placing one hand on his hips aswithe h other he ruffled his hair.
"Well, I need you always. But I want you to get home early...I want to take you out." He said, giving me a wink, his smile replaced into a sly smirk.
"Like a date?" I giggled, blushing slightly at his words.
"Of course! It's been a while since we....you know." I let out a hearty laugh as he wiggled his brows.
I remembered the first time we met.
It was a business party. I was forced to go because of Falcon, I was bored, walking around in a long blue gown. Taking a sip of champagne I found it on random tables. Alone and battered.
Then I saw Mathew. He was probably giving me the side-eye, I thought he was the handsome man I had ever seen. He looked almost nervous when we made eye contact, his large eyes widening. It was funny, given to his dark brooding looks.
I laughed getting closer to him. He looked so stiff. I slightly touched his arm, telling him something stupid. Then he smiled at me. I knew we were meant to be together. We'd been together ever since. It was a happy relationship.
Balanced. Wholesome. Loving.
Despite this, he had no clue of my past life. The sufferings I had been through, only because I never had the enigma to be so brave to fully accept those incidents myself. But he often shush me to sleep when I woke up screaming and crying. He cared for me, let me move in. He never said anything means. Or at least I could disagree with it. Never forced pile of responsibilities of relationship on me. The man had just kissed me with his kindness regardless.
I loved him.
"Yeah, sure. How 'bout seven?" He smiled again.
I realized how much I loved him.
****
What's more chiliastic than a barley soup?
Well, pretty much nothing. Except for lasagna with Bolognese sauce and pasta.
"So, how was your day?" Mathew and I, we're at a fancy restaurant in the middle of the sparkling city, breathing in the fresh moonlight and jasmine that littered the surrounding area. Like always, Mathew booked an outdoor table for the two of us, a beautiful lake beside us that illuminated the gleaming moonlight and provide some unknown serenity to my shattered thoughts.
Mathew's eyes immediately caught mine, the man looked pleased with my words.
"It was alright." He provided me warmth with that sweet smile of his. My world suddenly seemed to brighten on its own. His mine hands, and I had all the paradisiac moments to live by, maybe I'd be destroyed for him but I was too selfish to let him go now. His love annihilates my heart, my sighs find refuge in his heart.
"Hmm..." I nodded my head when suddenly a thought crossed my mind.
"When is your brother coming?" I muttered quietly, Mathew whirled his head towards me. His body tensed for a second as he stopped devouring the flavor of spiced salmon. I didn't miss the nervous glint of anxiousness in his pale forest orbs, one that was now anything but calm. Oh, how I wished I never brought that up. But it was too late. Like always.
He hated it.
"I...I don't know. It's been a while since I last contacted him." Uncertainty, that danced like a tail of unfamiliar words escaping his mouth. His eyes looked around, avoiding mine as he immediately grabbed the glass of water to calm his raging heart. Water, what a peculiar source to calm a flooded hurricane.
I, however, never contemplated how was it every time I ask him about his brother, the man seemed somewhat off. He was never like this when I talked about his family, but striking the topic of his siblings usually arises some unknown uneasiness inside him. I never complained though. Maybe he had his reasons, like mine. His beasts to keep reign over, to calm his horrors.
We both were damaged goods after all.
I nodded my head, accepting his answer though I wasn't quite satisfied. Satisfaction's bliss, wasn't it?
There were only limited things I knew about the man I loved, the man I kept close to my heart. His mother died in a car crash. He and his three other siblings survived the accident. Even though he was raised by his father, I never get to meet the guardian of my beloved. Mathew said his father's a religious man, he didn't speculated in living a before-marriage kind of relationship. So, Mathew had somehow managed to convince me that he would let us meet after he sort things with his siblings and father.
I, however, was alright.
At least he had a family to take care of, unlike me.
My train was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Mathew gave me an apologetic smile as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. His eyebrows furrowed in a frown as he stared at the screen. If he wasn't tensed earlier, his whole body seemed to become stiffer as he rapidly blinked his eyes.
"Sorry, I've to take this." Now, this was my turn to frown, the man didn't even wait for me to reply as he immediately pulled his chair back before storming towards the exit. I watched his back as he got shadowed by the darkness of night.
Maybe it's from work. I assured myself.
I sipped my wine, looking around the restaurant, savoring the tangy flavor occasionally. My eyes purposely scanned the whole area. People were dining with their dates, some were with their families, making me jealous and some were alone, savoring the tastes by themselves. The interior of the restaurant was elegant yet sophisticated with bright yellow lights sparkling and a sweet and delicious aroma of food dancing all around.
The atmosphere, so laid back, the high beaming ceilings, and the eclectic décor worked wonders for the ambiance. The inside area looked warm and inviting whereas the outside was surrounded by the greenery of a beautiful lawn-like place. My eyes wandered further and a magnificent pool caught the view, it was right in front of the table we were seated at. The moonlight reflecting its occasional twinkle on the calm splashes in the water was mesmerizing.
There was strife in me that beholds and unfolds within into something uneasiness that slowly crept up to me. Amidst my wandering thoughts, I discern some prominent situations.
A couple to my left was laughing at wobbling sounds their toddler was making devouring the distant taste of porridge and fruits sliced in squared shapes, still powerless as he desperately clung to his mother before giving her his all-time doe eyes.
Then, suddenly my back straightened and my body tensed, there was a sudden shift in the atmosphere, a compelling aura emerges, and I quickly rise sitting up with a gasp as a shadowed figure glanced my way. No. It wasn't a shadowed figure anymore, but my horrors. The outside area was quite serene due to few people dining outside. Our table was somewhat distant and crimson eyes appeared from within the darkness.
My breathing promptly ceased as I gaped around me. The violin music faded to a muffled hum and my surroundings blurred to nothingness, all my eyes redeemed with clarity was him. Familiar crimson gold eyes stared at me from amid the dark trees.
He stood still, startling globes glued to mine with an enormity, his face shadowed beneath the darkness of light yet all I could focus on was him.
Crimson.
I-I thought-
My heart did not bend to my wishes as I stood pale to my spot. I could not comprehend nor ponder what was twisted in the horrific memory of my past, a crucial one. My heart thundered with fierceness beneath my ribcage to the new consuming presence.
I exhaled sharply, eyes widened meeting the tranquil volcanic reds.
Forget the past, they said.
How could I when mine was standing in front of me, staring into my soul?
Deafening blares of my rushed hormones alarmed, waking me up from the tranquil state as I stared at him. Gradually, the anxiousness eating me up replaced with treading fear, the memories tied to his crimson eyes. My eyes didn't waver, but I didn't step closer. I knew the depths I was getting myself into. I had suddenly forgotten everything, barely had any reaction only because I was too astonished to confer.
"Sarah!" Someone grabbed me by the upper part of my arm, breaking my stance as I was pulled away from the path of view. It took me a while to blink my gaze and my mind finally registered everything slowly with a gradual pace.
"Falcon? What're you doing here?"
The lush, chestnut hair he groomed so carefully had a rippling quality, a sign of his carefree personality. His arched brows were knitted in frustration as he stared down at me.
The aquiline nose he sported complemented his prominent cheekbones which suddenly looked so pale and lifeless but still handsome in an understated way, his basalt jaw and spartan shoulders spoke of strength as he blinked down at me. He possessed a latent, leonine power and always walked with purpose and authority.
I had always admired his jade green eyes which now gazed down at me with purpose. Sloe-shaped, they could shine as bright as the evening stars when they were a-light with joy, suddenly had lost the glittering glint. Flamboyant of character, the room always filled with his sonorous, rumbling voice, yet now he was inducing unkempt thoughts inside me. He was also quick to crack a joke or fire off a humorous retort. His rakish clothes were a source of amusement to some, not least because they emanated an herbal and woody scent, which replaced the sweetness of Earth after the pouring rain.
He was tall and muscular but in a good way. I even had a crush on him for his dashing personality but never had the nerve to confess to him. I dreaded his rejection, something I wasn't good with.
But now, I was mature.
I knew the risks of falling for my best friend.
Falcon Fiennes, the man who had taken the responsibilities of my parents, had practically taken care of me like a child. The man with whom I had spent my childhood and one who had nourished me into the girl I was today.
"What happened?"
I asked again, not understanding the uncertainty in his eyes. Something was wrong with him. He was behaving differently.
He licked his dry lips before he looked past my shoulders, his eyes flickering as he again looked down at me but now, with different emotions.
"You've to come with me." This was all he said as he dragged me with him. I was too confused by his behavior. My brows knitted in confusion.
Resisting his actions, I pry his hand off me.
"Tell me, Falcon. What's wrong?" My voice had a little command.
The taller man rubbed his face with his hands, ruffling his locks whilst looking here and there. I furrowed my brows. Why he's so weird today?
"Look, Sarah. We can argue about this later but for now, you've to come with me. It's not safe for you here." Said man said before gulping down as he made a move to grab my arm once again, I stepped back and glared at him.
"No, I'm not going anywhere. You're either going to tell me what's happening or you can leave on your own." I growled back taking a step back, I somehow knew he was hiding something from me. I never saw Falcon this anxious. Ignoring my protest, he gritted his teeth and pulled me by the arm before pulling my body towards him.
"Don't be a fucking brat, Sarah. I've had enough of your shit. You're coming with me." My eyes widened with sudden rush whilst he thought no twice before seizing my wrist in his iron-like grip.
"Let go!" I whisper yelled meekly as I again attempt to invade his heinous touch and ran somewhere away. It was ironic how much my only family was making me feel unsafe. It was just merely a few seconds when my body was hoisted in the air and the next moment my stomach touched the rugged edge of his shoulder.
"Leave me, Falcon!"
I screamed. He disregarded my words as he ignored the accusing eyes of people around us and walked towards the parking. My heart hammered with extreme dread. Yet I was so startled and agitated that I couldn't perceive acutely before my body was placed down.
He grabbed my upper arm and I scarcely looked at him when a sharp pain resonated through the severe point of my neck. I screamed in terror at the sudden awareness of being injected. "Stop it! Let me go!" I yelled scratching at his ruthless hands as he dragged me pitilessly to the sinister black van behind the large truck.
The moon flaunted his moonlight in the dark sky when the drug injected into me started coursing through my blood calmed me to propel me to give in and dream. My eyes flutter close to its call, my heartbeat getting at peace and I assuredly submit to darkness. Before my eyes could shut, Falcon met my gaze and how ironic it was to witness one thing which I never wanted to see in those orbs of his.
Fear.
I saw a glimpse of fear. It was a matter of time when my eyes were rolled back and I went limp in his arms.
It was too late to worry now. What was even happening?
****
