“It’s nothing, my love,” Allera told Brentley, blowing him a kiss before sending me a guilty, apologetic cringe. “I was merely teasing our sweet Nicolette here and, well, you know me. I took it too far. That’s all.”
“Impossible,” Brentley returned. “You could never take anything too far, dear heart. Everything you do is perfectly perfect just as it is.”
Oh bother. I rolled my eyes. “If you’ll excuse me,” I muttered, sickened by their overblown lover’s banter. “I think I’ll retire for the evening.” And go throw up in my bedchamber.
When I turned away to leave, however, the king beckoned me back, sounding confused. “But we haven’t even eaten yet.”
“I’ve lost my appetite,” I answered without pausing, causing Indigo to pop out from against the wall to follow me.
But behind me, my annoying brother boomed, “Halt.”
Brentley rarely used his kingly status to command anything of me, so it always surprised and irritated me when he did.
Grinding to a vexed stop, I fisted my hands at my sides before turning back to cast him a glare. “Yes, Your Majesty?” I fumed.
His brows furrowed with concern. “You are unwell, aren’t you? That’s it; I’m sending a healer to your room posthaste.”
“But I’m not—” I started, only for Allera to cut in, saying, “It’s my fault, husband. I spoke foolishly and upset her.”
Now Brentley looked truly confused. “But what could you say to upset anyone?”
Good Lord. Love truly blinded him to his wife’s more aggravating traits, didn’t it? I adored Allera—I truly did—but she was feisty and outspoken, and she’d pricked more people’s tempers throughout the years than most with her opinionated declarations.
At least she didn’t use the king’s blind devotion to her advantage, though. Wringing her hands, she explained, “I just—I might’ve suggested that she and Indigo were…”
Indigo straightened at my side, seemingly surprised to be brought into the conversation. When I glanced his way, his eyes widened with comprehension and his face drained of color.
Brentley, however, didn’t catch on as fast. Blinking, he asked, “That she and Indigo were what?”
“That they were—you know.” Allera widened her eyes at him some more, until he realized what she meant.
“Oh!” he blurted, only to spin and gape at Indigo and me standing side by side.
My bodyguard immediately backed five feet away, while I exhaled an impatient sigh.
Lifting his hands and shaking them vigorously, Indy hastened to explain, “But we’re not.”
“Though you have to admit,” Allera interjected, eyeing us with a considering nod. “They would make a good union. Such a handsome couple. Their children would simply be—”
“That’s it!” Flinging up my hands, I announced, “Indigo and I are not having sex. Did everyone hear that clearly enough? We are not romantically inclined at all. Good. End of discussion. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m leaving.”
Indigo automatically stepped forward to follow me, only for Brentley to point. “Oh, no. You’re not going anywhere with her, Moast.”
My bodyguard’s mouth fell open. “But she is my ward,” he argued. “By your own command, Your Majesty, it is my duty to go where she goes.”
“Not tonight, it’s not,” Brentley countered sharply.
“For the love of God,” Indigo burst out. “Just because your wife’s a nosey busybody who thinks Nicolette and I should have a dalliance doesn’t make it so. Because we most certainly are not—”
“What did you just call your queen?” Brentley bellowed, narrowing his eyes.
Indigo gave an impatient sigh. “Your Majesty, the entire suggestion is ludicrous. The princess is like a sister to me. She was barely sixteen when I met her. I would never—”
“No, you would not,” Brentley blustered, his face growing purple with outrage. “Because I’m a hot second from having you beheaded, you arrogant—”
“Enough,” I cried, interrupting their argument. Lifting my eyebrows archly at Brentley, I said, “Stop threatening my bodyguard for merely trying to do the job you hired him to do. And you…” Spinning toward Indigo, I nailed him with a glare. “What is your problem today?”
Indigo furrowed his own eyebrows with mock confusion. “I know not what you mean, princess.”
“Oh, Jesus.” I slapped my hands to my hips, beyond exasperated by this entire conversation. “Let’s see. You refused to attend the festival when I gave you leave to go by yourself. Then, you made up all those frivolous stories to distract me from who knows what.”
“They weren’t—”
“And now—now you’re arguing with the king about letting me merely walk down the hall alone to my own bedchamber. Have I come under some new threat that I’m not aware of? Because you’re being unusually dependent today, not even letting another guard watch me while you take a quick luncheon. And it’s starting to grate on my nerves.”
“New threat? What’s this, you say?” Brentley sat up straighter, suddenly very alert. When Indigo hesitated in answering, the king turned toward his brother-in-law, who led the Donnelly army and supervised all matters of security in the kingdom. “Is Nicolette under a new threat?”
Urban frowned, also beginning to look alarmed. “Not that I’m aware of.” Squinting at his guard, he pressed, “Indigo?”
Indigo clenched his teeth with great reluctance before sighing out his capitulation. “She’s perfectly safe,” he told both Brentley and Urban before he turned back to me. “It’s just that you’ve been so forlorn lately. Something's going on with you, and I can’t tell what you’re thinking. I wasn’t sure if you might—”
When he broke off abruptly and winced, I had to ask, “If I might what?” Groaning out my realization, I finally guessed, “Run off?”
He didn’t respond except to shift his gaze away guiltily.
My mouth dropped open. “My God, Indigo. It’s been five years since I met him. I promised I wouldn’t try to seek him out. And I haven’t. I know he is from enemy lands. Have I not proven my word worthy yet? Not even after all this time?”
“My lady,” he pleaded, his eyes begging for forgiveness. But the respectful address after he had so dishonorably believed I would lie to everyone about how I would not leave Donnelly merely to seek out my true love pricked my temper.
Unless he came to me, I would not wander out on my own to find him. That was my word, and I would keep it.
“No,” I growled, lifting a hand to ward Indigo away. “I can’t believe you’d assume I would just race off and leave without a single farewell. I thought I’d grown and matured enough to show you all—”
“Nicolette, it’s not that,” Indigo bit out, scowling at me.
I scowled right back. “Then what is it?”
Groaning, he pressed both hands to his head and scowled at me for making him say it. “At High Cliff,” he started reluctantly, dropping his arms. “I once knew a girl who met her soul mate briefly, just as you did, before he was taken away to a prison in Lowden so she could never see him again. And that absence wore on her. It wore on her so heavily that she ended up taking her own life from the misery of it. I just…” Glancing away, he moodily groused, “You’ve been so sad lately, is all. I didn’t—I wasn’t sure what to think.”
“So, you’ve been worried I was going to—what—kill myself?”
“I don’t…” Looking guilty and remorseful, he merely shrugged. “I don’t know! I’ve never been through what you’re going through. I don’t know how much the mark is impairing you.”
At the mention of it, my mark sent a dull arrow of pain slicing through the upper portion of my head. Wincing, I pressed the heel of my palm to it.
He stepped forward as if to assist, but I held up my other hand to ward him off.
“I’m not going to hurt myself,” I said, straightening. Unable to stay upset with him, since all this was because he was truly concerned for my safety, I softened enough to add, “I promise you that.”
He nodded, only to prod, “Would you tell me if it were reaching that point, though?”
I wasn’t sure, so I remained silent. Everyone else seemed to think that was an answer all on its own, however.
“In that case…” Brentley spoke up. “Please escort my sister to her room, would you, Indigo?”
“Of course, Your Majesty.” My bodyguard inclined his head and stepped toward me, his hand on the hilt of his sword as his gaze moved to meet mine.
Swinging an incredulous glance toward my brother, I cried, “But, Brentley, I’m not—”
“I said he is to escort you to your room, and that is final,” the king announced.
Losing all sense of the calm I’d just obtained, I sighed impatiently and muttered, “Whatever,” before storming from the dining hall altogether.
I might have the perfect life, but that didn’t mean I loved being coddled as much as I was. It could be downright suffocating at times.
Indigo started after me, keeping about ten feet behind, well aware I wouldn’t welcome his overbearing presence any closer.
“You know, I’m fine,” I snapped, not even bothering to glance back to gift him with the force of my frown. “Not thinking of death here at all.” Except maybe his death. Not a permanent one, of course, just one long enough to help me exercise my current frustrations with him. An hour or two worth of death, tops.
“Of course, my lady,” he returned, his words indulgent. I pinched my lips together and kept marching.
Okay, maybe a full fortnight of death.
I just couldn’t believe he’d revealed all that in front of my entire family. Now everyone was going to be as overprotective and concerned as he was. I’d be smothered into insanity from an over-abundance of love and affection within the week.
I could literally strangle Indigo for this, I swear.
Once we reached my chambers, I spun to glare at him. “Did you want to come inside? Make sure I don’t have any poison to drink or a dagger lying around that I might stab myself with?”
He sighed and turned away. “Goodnight, my lady.”
Argh. Someday, I really might throttle him. He always argued with me when I wanted him to shut up and then backed off and meekly turned away when I was finally ready to argue back. It was so maddening.
But then I remembered once more that all this had come about because he genuinely cared about me.
So I calmed myself enough to say, “Indigo?”
He paused and glanced back, his expression full of caution.
“How…” I paused to clear my throat. “How long did that girl—the one you knew in High Cliff—go without her partner before she—well, you know?”
Indigo lowered his gaze to his hands. “About five years,” he murmured.
I gulped, feeling all warmth and color drain from my face.
Because five years.
The same amount of time I’d gone without my mate.
In a small voice, I whispered, “Oh.”
“Nic.” He stepped toward me. “That doesn’t mean anything, though. You know Allera and Urban’s brother, Olivander?”
Actually, I’d never met him, but I nodded anyway, since I’d heard plenty of stories.
Indigo nodded too. “Well, he sent his much-younger true love off to Tipton for schooling nearly ten years ago, and they’re both still perfectly healthy and fine without each other.”
“Thank you, Indy,” I said quietly, lifting my hand to grip his arm, which instantly confused him. “Thank you for your concern. It is nice to know you care.”
“Of course, I care. You truly are like a sister to me. If anything happened to you, I wouldn’t…” He paused, then shook his head, unable to finish the sentiment. Straightening his spine, he said, “Well, I just wouldn’t like it.”
Overwhelmed by my feelings, I lunged forward and hugged him. He hugged me back, holding on tight.
“I’m not sure what’s going on with me,” I admitted into his ear. “But I’m certain it will pass.”
When I pulled away to look up into his face, he offered me a grateful smile.
“I hope so,” he said. “Life is always better when you’re happy.”
I sniffed, a small smile playing around my lips. “So this is why you made up those stories today about Replacements, and alternate worlds, and flying carriages, then? You were trying to keep me from harming myself?”
He scowled. “How many times must I tell you? I didn’t make those stories up.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
Pressing a hand to his heart, he cried, “I swear! But, yes, I shared them with you in the hopes that—I don’t know.” He glanced down. “I caught a sense of my true love once.”
“What?” My mouth fell open before I hauled off and slugged him on the side of the arm. “Indigo! Why did you never share this with me before?”
He winced and shrugged. “It—hell, I don’t know. I never even saw her. It was in a crowded horde of people in the midst of Lowden once. She evidently didn’t have a mark in return, because she never sought me out. And then—then the sensation was gone, and I lost her trail. Just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “I lost her. I didn’t get to set eyes on the girl, which means the mark didn’t lock on to her strongly enough to help me find her again. And yet sometimes—I don’t know—the mark will bother me, as if it’s sensing one of her extreme moods. So I have some inkling of what you’re going through. I know you must experience phases you can’t understand. But one thing that’s helped me get through and kept my mind occupied is studying this alternate dimension and learning about the Replacements who’ve come through. So I just—I thought I could share that with you, and maybe it could help you cope as well.”
“Oh, Indigo. You dear sweet man.” Leaning up, I kissed his cheek tenderly. And as I did, my mark tingled.
I pulled away, squinting at him as I wondered what that had been about.
My mark had never reacted to Indigo before.
Confused and a little startled by it, I drew in a sharp breath and jerked a step back, taking a moment to orient myself before I was able to talk again.
“I, uh, I’ll tell you what,” I said with a nervous smile. “Starting tomorrow, I’ll help you research these Replacement people. Or, ooh!” I pointed at him. “We could go talk to Nanny Wynter about her experience with traveling to that—what was it called?—alternate dimension?”
His shoulders slumped miserably. “No,” he muttered. “I’ve tried to interview her about it before. But she’s not a fan of High Clift warriors, or something. I’m not sure what the aversion is. She just always evades me or pretends not to be home whenever I try to approach her.”
“She does?” I frowned in confusion over that, because Indigo was truly a friendly and approachable person. Why would anyone evade him? “How odd.” But then I shrugged. “Well then, I’ll talk to her for you. Nanny Wynter’s never turned me away when I’ve gone to her cottage to visit. Compile me a list of questions, and I’ll ask her every single one of them.”
The idea perked him to attention. “Really? You would do that for me? That would actually be grand.” Surging forward, he smacked a quick, grateful kiss to my cheek and beamed as he pulled away. “What a good idea. Thank you, Nic. You’re the best.”
Another prickle of awareness sparked through my mark, causing me to stiffen and gape at him incredulously when he turned away.
But he didn’t seem to notice. He was so excited about our agreement that he practically skipped down the hall away from me, his thoughts obviously already on tomorrow. “I’ll get you the list by breakfast,” he called over his shoulder as he disappeared around a corner, without waiting for me to enter my room first. “Thank you again, Nic.”
I blinked at the spot I’d last seen him, my mark still buzzing like crazy.
This made no sense. Why was my mark feeling something and his obviously wasn’t? And why now? I’d known Indigo for years. The mark was supposed to recognize your true love at first sight. Besides, we’d each already met—er, at least sensed—our respective matches before. And they certainly weren’t each other.
Indy couldn’t be for me. He was like a brother. That would just be weird.
So what was happening?
I turned to enter my room, only to pause and gaze out the window before crossing the threshold. Outside, the sunset was fading into the horizon as if it were sinking into the forest I’d been in only an hour ago, picking flowers.
I’d last seen Farrow in that very forest, pulled the blindfold from his eyes after taking him through the secret passage that led out of the castle from under the moat, and kissed him goodbye.
He’d darted away afterward, and I’d never seen him again. Yet, I still found myself returning to the forest time after time, hanging out there more than anywhere else in the hopes he would return.
Looking at the dark trees now, my mark pulsed hotter, gonging louder than it had when I’d hugged Indigo.
I pressed my hand to the area, wincing when the sensation grew almost unbearable.
“What the hell?”
Worried, I fled into my room and shut the door behind me, where I pressed my back to the portal and concentrated on breathing until the ache eased.
My mark was malfunctioning, going off first for Indigo and now for the sight of some trees. This couldn’t be good. What if the pressure grew to be so excruciatingly full it exploded entirely?
Okay, I was probably overreacting with that thought. But seriously, should I be worried about this? If the damn thing drove people to kill themselves, I suddenly didn’t want one connected to the side of my head!
My fingers trembled as I readied myself for bed, trying to ignore the prickling in my temple.
Everything was fine; I could handle this.
Except the buzz was growing intense again, becoming one constant throbbing pulse. More persistent. Louder. Definitely trying to get my attention.
Should I inform someone? I didn’t want to worry the others, but something had to be wrong.
This didn’t feel normal.
Once I was in my nightclothes, I unsteadily climbed onto my bed and lay flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling with my fingers pressed to my mark. Glancing down, I nodded in relief. If I didn’t make it to morning, at least I’d know I died in my favorite nightgown. Good. That was good.
The fluttering in my temple changed in frequency as if trying a new track to alert me to—
Well, I’m not sure what it was trying to tell me, but it was definitely screaming something.
I moaned out a small whimper and closed my eyes. This was it. I wasn’t going to make it through the night, was I? Brentley would have no more siblings left. I’d never get to meet my nephew, Cal. Vienne and Urban would have a dozen more children without me there to spoil them. Indy would have to research Replacements alone. And Farrow—
Farrow would never get to receive the full power of my love for him.
Sniffing, I wiped my face as a tear trailed down the corner of my eye. I was too young to die. I hadn’t even done anything worthy enough to properly mark my place in history yet. No scrolls would mention me. No books would bear my name whenever Indigo made them popular.
In fifty years, would anyone even know I had existed?
I—
Suddenly breaking into my worries, a wave of unadulterated pleasure pulsed through me.
Wha—?
I gasped and bit my lip. My hips arched off the mattress, while tingling speared unexpectedly up the insides of my thighs until they met together at the top and sparked with hot and swollen need. I grabbed the bed under me to steady myself and ground my legs together to stop the twinge. But that appeased nothing, so I slapped my hand over the insistent throb and pressed in hard.
Oh God. Now that felt good. A whimper tore through my throat. My nipples beaded, wanting my hand to apply the same pressure to them. Not sure what else to do, I squeezed one of my breasts, and my fingers instinctively began to knead the sensitive area through my nightgown.
Before I knew it, my other hand followed suit between my legs until I was massaging myself with an urgent rhythm that knew no mercy. The pressure in my temple eased as the pleasure narrowed down and concentrated into my erogenous zones.
As my entire body writhed in wanton gluttony, my mind seemed to step back and blink in horrified awe, wondering what in God’s name was going on here. Except I knew. I was going to come.
I also knew I should probably stop. This kind of sudden coupling with oneself had to be the beginnings of madness. Right? But it was all so massive and consuming. I felt as if I had no control over what I was doing. My hands and skin just did what I knew it had to do to bring me to—
This.
“Holy shit,” I cried as the climax hit.
I dug my heels into the mattress under me and held on to myself for dear life while my womb contracted and pulsed in great, heaving waves that echoed through my extremities. The pleasure sucked my soul from my body until I was swimming in nothing but bright, blinding euphoria.
And then…
It settled, plopping me heavily back into myself, where I immediately grew cold and dim as if nothing had afflicted me at all.
I panted up at the ceiling. Perspiration matted my brow, and my limbs shook from exhaustion. Because whoa. That had been—
That had been intense.
My mark tingled as if laughing at me for ever being so worried.
Jerk. I had seriously thought I was going to die for a minute there.
But wait. If the mark hadn’t been trying to kill me, then what—
Oh hell.
My eyes popped open as realization struck.
“Farrow,” I whispered.
My mark wasn’t malfunctioning at all. It had just been trying to tell me my one true love was near!
