Mag-log inFive months later, I saw Evan at a wedding.When the invitation came, my friend told me he'd be there too, seated at a different table. I read it over, said I'd come, and booked my own place to stay and arranged my trip home.It had been a year since I moved out.At the wedding, we nodded to each other across the crowd. Nobody asked us to take a picture together, and nobody tried to turn an ordinary get-together into a chance for us to make up.Before the wedding ended, I went to get my coat and heard someone call my name behind me.Evan had stopped a few steps away, holding his own coat. He asked if I was heading back to Portland tonight. I said I was staying the night and leaving in the morning.Then I looked up and froze.100.The number I'd waited for and cried over was back. I'd once believed that seeing it again would fix everything.I looked and looked again, and I almost forgot I was holding my coat.Evan noticed where I was looking, and his voice went soft. "Did the number cha
Seven months after I left, our divorce was finalized.Our shared property had been split the way we'd agreed. All that was left were a few boxes of books and albums I needed to go back and pick up.Boston in February was freezing. I stood on the familiar porch waiting for Evan to open the door. I reached into my bag, touched my old key, and pulled my hand back out.He stepped aside to let me in.I started to glance down toward the spot where I used to keep my slippers, then caught myself. I didn't need to change shoes today.The house hadn't changed much. The books were already set out according to the list, and the albums were on the table, with the old vow book at the bottom of the stack.Evan asked if I wanted something to drink. I said, "No, let's just start sorting."I opened an album, and the first thing I saw was my mother.It was from our wedding day. She was bent over, fixing my dress. The photographer had called out, asking her to look at the camera, and she'd waved it off an
By the time fall came, I'd been living in my own little apartment for over a month.My studio was near Ruth's bookstore, just two blocks away. The rent wasn't cheap, but my old clients were still willing to mail me their books, and I was slowly getting used to managing on my own.Helen Brooks, Evan's mother, called and asked if she could come see me.She didn't hide why. She said she wanted to know how I was doing, and she wanted to talk about Evan.I said yes.We'd known each other for so many years, and I really liked her. Leaving my husband didn't mean I had to resent his mother too.Helen brought a potted plant and set it on my new windowsill. She looked around the apartment, asked about the heating and where to shop nearby, then brought up an old cookbook we'd once bought together."Do you remember whose shopping list was tucked inside? Just a few things on it, and somehow they used up the whole page."I laughed and said I remembered. She asked if the book was still around, and wi
At the end of summer, I went back to Boston for my friend Rachel Ellis's birthday dinner.Miles was organizing it. He said it was just a dinner with old friends, nothing else planned. So I booked a ticket and picked out a present. I figured it was about time I saw everyone again.It wasn't until I walked into the restaurant that I saw the two seats side by side.Evan's jacket was draped over one of the chairs."He'll be right back." Miles came over, sounding a little awkward. "It's not often we all get together.""Why didn't you tell me?"Miles said quietly that he just wanted us to sit down together. Maybe we could talk things out.I looked at him, and the happiness I'd felt at seeing my friends drained away.Just then, Evan came in from outside. When he saw us standing there, he stopped too. He said he thought I already knew he'd be coming. Then he looked at Miles, who didn't say anything.I didn't argue with them any further. I asked a friend to trade seats with me and sat at the ot
A week later, Chloe asked to meet with me.I'd planned to say no. But she said she didn't want it to seem as though she'd imagined the whole connection. There were at least a few things she wanted to clear up face-to-face.I stared at the message and said yes anyway.There were questions I kept telling myself I didn't want to ask anymore, but at night I couldn't stop thinking about them. How much had he actually said to her? What hopes had he given her that made her bold enough to ask me those questions?We met at a café near the bookstore. I told her up front that I'd give her half an hour, and that I wasn't going to pass messages between her and Evan.Chloe got there early, with the new dance company's schedule on the table in front of her. As soon as I sat down, she told me she'd accepted the offer and was leaving next week."I applied for this job on my own.""I know. You were great at rehearsal that day."Chloe pressed her lips together and looked down as she tucked the pages away
When Evan came the next afternoon, he didn't pull out his phone to prove anything to me.He sat down across from me and looked at me for a while before he spoke. "You were right. What I felt for Chloe was more than just wanting to help."I'd waited so long to hear that. But now that I finally had, it didn't make me feel any better. Sharp pains shot through my chest.Evan told me the new dance company's offer was a good one. He'd looked it over, and he knew it offered her a better future than staying at the hotel."But the first thing I thought was that she'd leave and never come to me again. So I brought up adding shows, without even figuring out whether we actually needed them."I clutched at the fabric over my knees and asked about the guy who'd offered to help her move.Evan lowered his head."I was jealous of him."Tears welled up, and I turned my face away, afraid I'd fall apart in front of him.Evan had finally admitted it. I hadn't misunderstood. I hadn't blown things out of pro







