Chapter 4

Evan really did change.

Over the next ten days or so, the late-night calls dropped off, and he handed the show schedule over to Daniel. We picked out the photos for the vow renewal. He looked through my sample book for the exhibit and talked with me about who to invite to the dinner.

I started reaching for him again without thinking. Sometimes, by the time I'd finished a sentence, my head was resting on his shoulder the way it used to.

I wanted to give him some time. And give myself some too.

On movie night, he wrapped up work early and curled up on the couch with me. The movie had barely started when Chloe called.

Evan listened for a moment, then covered the microphone and explained, "She didn't pass the audition. She wants to know if it'll affect her hotel schedule. I'll explain it to her. This won't take long."

I hit pause and let him take it.

The kitchen door wasn't shut all the way. I heard him confirm the dates, then tell her the result of her audition elsewhere wouldn't affect her work at the hotel. If she had any problems, she should go straight to Daniel.

That should have been the end of the call.

I picked up the remote and waited for him to come back. Then I heard him ask one more question. "You're scared you'll never get another chance, aren't you?"

I went still, the remote in my hand.

After that, his voice got softer and softer. He talked about her failed audition, then about starting over, then about how she didn't have to write herself off because of an old injury.

"Take your time. I'm listening."

Evan leaned out to glance at me and gestured for me to start without him. For a while, I left the movie paused, thinking he'd remember that tonight was supposed to be just the two of us.

By the time the movie ended and the credits were rolling, he was still in the kitchen.

I turned off the TV and sat alone in the dark living room. I fought back the tears a few times, but they fell anyway.

When Evan finally hung up and came back, the first thing he looked at was the screen.

"Why didn't you call me?"

My head snapped up at that.

"Why should I have had to? We picked the movie together. You took that call right in front of me. Didn't you know I was waiting?"

Evan saw my tears and sat down next to me right away. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize how long I'd been on the phone. She took the rejection really hard. She's so young, and she was crying so hard, I didn't feel right hanging up on her."

"What about me?"

I didn't want to ask that, but it slipped out anyway.

"Do I have to cry before you realize I need you too?"

Evan froze. I turned my face away and cried even harder.

I hated comparing myself like this. We'd been together eight years. Why did I now have to check whether someone else needed comfort more than I did before I was even allowed to be sad?

He got worked up too. "I've been trying to change for more than ten days. You've seen it. You can't say I don't care about you at all just because of tonight."

"I have seen it. That's why I'm still willing to talk this through with you."

Evan had no answer. After a while, he picked up the remote and asked if we could start the movie over.

I looked at him, and just as I was about to reach out, I saw 82.

It was even lower than the first time.

For the past ten days or so, I'd been letting my guard down bit by bit, happy that he was coming home and spending time with me. Just when I thought things were getting better, I discovered his feelings for me had kept fading.

"Nora, let's start it over," he said again.

I set the remote back on the table, got up, and went to the bathroom.

I closed the door, and he didn't follow me in. I braced myself against the sink, but I couldn't stay upright. I slid to the floor.

The next day, Evan brought up the exhibit himself and double-checked the time. He blocked off the whole evening and put it on the calendar right in front of me.

"I'll be there this time, no matter what. What do you need from me the most?"

I was quiet for a moment. Then I told him there'd be a group photo at the end.

Walter and June had been married 50 years. Their photos showed picnics when they were young, the first house they bought, and the whole family squeezed onto a couch after their kids were born. The pictures were old, but they couldn't bear to throw them away.

"They want to take one with us," I said. "So do I. When I look back on that day, I want to see you there with me."

Evan put his phone away and promised me he'd be there. He sounded serious.

I knew we hadn't put last night behind us.

But when I finalized the guest list, I still kept his name on it.