Dread is the one word to describe going to the doctor. I remember when I was six years old and I broke my foot while playing soccer. My dad took me, and he held my hand the whole time. He was there for me during the X-rays, and he was there when they bandaged my foot. I miss being six years old. My parents were on better speaking terms and I was there the whole world. Then the agents came and replaced my parents. Freddie became my father figure and came to my appointments. And no one questioned if any of this was normal or healthy. Dread is what I feel in my body and bones. It rattles me up and trembles my insides. The results of my biopsy will be announced today. I touch my throat and feel the lump. It's as large as a small bouncy ball. It's the ball in my neck, and I want nothing more than it to shrink and leave me alone. I am Emma Rhodes, the model at Model Perfect. Models must be perfect and show off a glamorous life that doesn't really exist. In an imperfect world, that strive

It's Halloween weekend, and Hunter hasn't texted me since I left his band practice early. Freddie has been buzzing my cell non-stop. I know he wants an answer from me. He wants to know if I am getting surgery He wants me to have my whole life story written down in a novel, ready to go on his desk by Monday morning with my resignation letter at hand. My life to them all is a script that they can dim the lights for, cut people out of, and shut my voice up when necessary. Isn't it enough to them that I have to process cancer on my own? I haven't even told my parents. Do they even exist at this point? I've been flying solo for so long, I don't even remember seeing them. Rosa will write my cancer story on all her social media accounts and I am not ready for the world to know the gospel truth. That I, Emma Rhodes, have thyroid cancer. I set my cancer aside and try to remember that it's Halloween. Hunter loved costumes, partying, pumpkins, and of course the Haunted House by the beach. Ever

The next morning Arlo's arms are around my body. He held me all night long and kept me safe from the evil demons that try to take control of me. I roll over onto his chest and put my head next to his. Arlo kisses me, and it's an innocent kiss. The fact that he is still here must mean that he has some feelings for me too."Want me to bring you up some donuts and coffee? I have a few apples too if you want one?""Yeah, sure that sounds nice, babe." Arlo didn't even notice that he's called me babe. He's half asleep and I don't make a big deal about it, at least not on the outside. My insides are fireworks and butterflies. Hunter never gave me a nickname. It was only until Rosa mentioned something to him, that he would on occasion. But not Arlo, he's called me that naturally and of his own accord. I collect Arlo and my breakfast from the kitchen. I deliver it to him on an old tray we used for breakfast in bed on birthdays. "This is nice. Thanks for getting this ready for me.""Listen,

I haven't seen or heard from Hunter since Halloween night. He didn't come to class, and Jeremiah Winters refuses to tell me anything. Even Rosa has kept her distance from me. Rosa and I are these back and forth friends lately. She's a game or yoyo I can't win. We are friends and then not. She used to worship the ground I walk upon. But getting into Jeremiah's pants has apparently made her change sides.She supposedly believed me when I accused Hunter of hitting me. But from her lack of talking to me, I can tell it was for show. Or she really doesn't know where her loyalties lie. For the Queen of gossip she really needs to get her facts straight.It's photography and English combo class today. I am nervous to see Arlo. I haven't seen him since our intense kiss. He's been missing from school too.Just then, Arlo walks into the classroom with his shoulders rolled back. He's wearing a black leather jacket and sits right beside me like he does every combo class. But today is different, now

We are on this earth for a certain number of days. Our time could end at any second. Nothing in this world is guaranteed. Nothing is set in stone. There is nothing worse to me than not knowing how my thyroid will turn out. Which way will the pendulum swing? If it swings in my favor, the world could be fine and I could live to be one-hundred. However, if things turn sour and the raven knocks on my door like that old Edgar Allen Poe poem, then I could be dead in a few years or a few decades. Nobody knows how long they will be here. All we can do is keep trying and keep breathing. The rise and fall of our chests and the beating of our hearts mean we are still in this crazy race. Life is a crazy race and at some point, I will need to face the music with my head held high and Arlo by my side. He is the only comfort I have in the darkness. The only light I have in the darkest oblivion. The void of emptiness has found me in my dreams this night. He takes on the voice of Hunter and threats