Why Does My Father In Law Touch My Shoulder Often?

Cultural background plays a huge role here! In some families, physical contact is like punctuation in a sentence—frequent and meaningless without it. My coworker’s father-in-law is Latin American, and she joked that avoiding his hugs would be like refusing a handshake. But in others, it’s rare and loaded with significance. Maybe test the waters: next time he does it, notice if he’s mimicking how he interacts with his own kids. My dad, for example, touches shoulders to show approval—it’s his version of a gold star. If yours does the same, it might actually be a sweet, if awkward, endorsement. But yeah, no one should have to tolerate touch they dislike, even from family. A light 'Hey, I’m not much of a touchy person' could reset expectations without drama.

Could be as simple as him copying what he saw growing up. My grandpa did the shoulder thing constantly—turns out his dad was a military drill instructor who used it to command attention. Habits like that stick. Or maybe he’s just bad at small talk and uses touch to fill silences. Either way, if it’s not creepy or forceful, I’d chalk it up to his personal quirks. Families are weird like that.

You know, family dynamics can be tricky to navigate, and physical touch often carries different meanings across generations. My own father-in-law used to do something similar—little pats on the back or lingering handshakes. At first, I wondered if it was just a habit or something more intentional. Over time, I realized it was his way of bridging the gap between us, especially since we didn’t share a lot of common interests verbally. In his generation, touch was a normalized form of camaraderie, like how guys might slap each other’s shoulders after a joke. It didn’t feel invasive once I recognized it as his language of inclusion. That said, if it makes you uncomfortable, there’s nothing wrong with gently redirecting—maybe offering a handshake first to steer the interaction. Families have their own unspoken codes, and sometimes decoding them just takes patience.

I’ve chatted with friends who’ve had similar experiences, and it’s fascinating how interpretations vary. One friend’s father-in-law turned out to be hard of hearing and used touch to subtly signal attention. Another saw it as a cultural thing—his wife’s family was Mediterranean, where tactile communication was as natural as breathing. Context matters so much. If your father-in-law isn’t otherwise overstepping boundaries, it might help to observe when he does it. Is it during compliments? Moments of pride? Those clues can turn a confusing gesture into a heartwarming quirk.

From a psychological lens, frequent shoulder touches could signal a few things. He might be trying to establish trust nonverbally—research shows tactile gestures often reinforce social bonds, especially in male relationships where verbal affection is less common. My uncle, for instance, does this constantly; it’s his substitute for saying 'I’ve got your back.' Alternatively, if the touches feel performative (like in front of others), it could be about asserting his role as the family patriarch. Not necessarily malicious, just generational posturing. But here’s the kicker: your comfort matters more than the why. If it bugs you, try mirroring his gesture casually—sometimes reciprocating once or twice makes people subconsciously ease off without confrontation.