The Idiot: A Novel

"Do you know what marriage is?" Evelyn asked with a raised brow. "Marriage is 'I do' and 'you do', then boom, children come in anytime they want," Drake replied with a cute smile. "How do children come in?" She asked knowingly. "Man and a woman call them," he replied foolishly. "How do they call them?" She probed. "Just like this…" He placed his phone to his ear. "I already forgot that it's useless talking to you," Evelyn got annoyed and walked away *** Twenty years old Evelyn Brown was forced to marry the son of the richest man in the country, Drake Valentino. She thought her life was perfect, not until she was forced to get married to a man she barely knows because of money. Evelyn had thought the arranged marriage wasn't bad as her groom was a handsome young man from a rich family, just like hers until she entered the marriage. She was shocked into disbelief when she realized her husband wasn't as normal as she thought he was, he was a complete… Moron!

My roommate was a classic bimbo. When I went to arrange a jogging meetup, she mistyped it as a hookup and sent it straight into the group chat, then burst into tears and claimed she didn't know how to retract the message. When I went to meet my jogging buddy, she told everyone that she ran into my "hookup buddy." At the end, she even covered her mouth and giggled sweetly, saying, "I always mix words up." After a few stunts like that, my reputation was utterly ruined, and the entire class shut me out. Later, she used her "clumsiness" as an excuse to spike my milk with sleeping pills, causing me to miss a major exam. She even dropped toxic bacteria into my water cup and killed me outright. And all of it was over something that stupid: the guy she had a crush on had casually helped me carry my luggage on the first day of school. When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the very first day of freshman orientation. This time, I am going to let her experience what it felt like to be ruined—and killed—by a so-called idiot.

The new intern in the unit had to be chronically incompetent. He handled my mother's post-surgery medication and somehow mixed up the drug. He gave her a potent blood thinner. That night, she died from a hemorrhage after her operation. Before I could even accuse him, the intern had his puppy-dog eyes ready. "I'm sorry, Dr. Benford, but I thought that was the drug you wanted me to mix. Who was I to question my superior's order?" Then the hospital director, who was also my wife, chimed in, "Your mom is the idiot for taking her meds without checking. She brought this on herself." I was so enraged that I had a heart attack, which meant I had to undergo surgery in the same hospital. The intern insisted on redeeming himself and assisted Victoria during the operation. He could not even thread a needle because his hands kept trembling. In the middle of the procedure, this medical fraud removed his mask and wet the end of the surgical thread to force it through. I died in the ICU the next day. The cause was a bacterial infection. As I neared death, I heard the intern whine through tears, "How could I be so careless? If I weren't so clumsy, Dr. Benford would have lived." Victoria gently ruffled his hair. "Don't take it to heart, pumpkin. Everyone knows how risky medical procedures can be. You're just starting out, so don't be so hard on yourself." Because of my wife's efforts, both my mother and I were cremated without any investigation or disciplinary action. You would think that was the end. It wasn't. The next time I opened my eyes, I was back on the day Hugo Spencer first joined our hospital as an intern.

I’ve always taken people literally. When Dad told me to empty the basin, I asked where he wanted me to pour the water. “On my head,” he snapped. So I did. When Mom told me to do the laundry, I asked whether I should add detergent. She gave a cold laugh. “Sure. Add caramel sauce.” So I poured an entire bottle of caramel sauce into the washing machine. Everyone said I was stupid. But this “stupid” guy took first place in a nationwide academic competition. I earned my school’s only direct-admission spot at one of the country’s top universities. The day the results were announced, Lucas Hale, the school bully, ripped my application apart in front of the entire class. “You can’t even understand sarcasm. Why should someone like you get direct admission? “Last night, I saw you get out of a luxury SUV. Who knows what kind of deal you made with the woman inside?” The whole classroom went quiet. Then everyone started looking at me differently. Lucas stood there with a self-righteous expression. “I’m just speaking up for the rest of the class. Why should we work ourselves to death only to lose out to someone who got in through connections?” I thought about it seriously. Then I took out my phone and called my older sister. “Claire, they said I got my admission spot by sleeping with someone. Is that true?” A few seconds later, I held the phone out to Lucas, whose face had gone pale. “My sister wants to know something.” “What’s your name?” “And your student ID number?”

On my wedding night, I joyfully lift the veil, only to discover that my bride has been replaced with the dim-witted daughter of my girlfriend's helper. The laughter surrounding me grows louder. My girlfriend's male best friend gloatingly says, "According to tradition, you must spend a night with her, Mr. Leeds! "I'll take one for the team and keep Carol company tonight instead." Just then, my girlfriend strolls in leisurely. "It's just a joke. Don't be a sore loser. Besides, she's a complete ignoramus. Spending the night with her won't hurt you." Seeing her sarcastic expression, I laugh. "Now that I've lifted the veil, how can one night be enough? Since I did it, I'll take responsibility for life."

"He is no hero, but he is willing to fight for her..." Abigail fucking Howard! Typical sweet girl, a nerdy girl who always has that cute button nose of hers buried inside a book. She wants to be an author and she's got what it takes. She has also got her whole life planned out. Study, get her degree, then get an internship in some publishing company and work her way to becoming the best selling author. I could also see her getting married to some preppy rich guy who is going to be a lawyer and then they'd have two kids and live happily ever after, cool story right? Wrong! I was wrong because Abigail wants me and the crazy thing is I want her too! I have for a long time but the problem is I am not good enough for her and I am mixed up in too many fucked up shits to be the man she wants me to be. I am not the hero she reads in those romance books of hers, I am no hero and I'll never be!