I remember it all so clearly. Harrison asked me my name.
Hailey, I mumbled softly, not sure why he was talking to me. I knew who he was.
Harrison, but I'm sure you already knew that since you are at my house, he said with a charming smile. All of the girls in my grade dreamt of that smile. He was a Junior like I was, but he was friends with many seniors because of football. He played on the varsity team, every game.
I didn't know what to say back to him, I hardly ever talked to guys. The only time I was around popular ones like him was when Daphne wanted to go to Knocks.
I felt his eyes watching me. You want something to drink? He asked, and nervously I said sure.
I close my car door behind me, leaving my school bag on the passenger seat before heading to the double doors of Knocks. Since school just ended, not many people are here yet, and that gives me room to breathe.
I push past the doors and a woman greats me as she wipes down a booth table. I smile back and scan the room for Jana. Thankfully, I spot her in the corner booth, on her phone. Once I am close enough for her to notice me, she drops her phone and smiles. "Thanks for showing up."
"You thought I wouldn't?" I ask and sit down across from her.
"I don't know. You seemed a little uneasy about it at school, but I'm glad you're here because we have so much to talk about. Start with Florida, what was it like?"
I'm happy that she's eager to start things up again. "Florida was..."
Florida was amazing. It was sunny, humid, busy, and exciting. The people at my school always hung around at beaches, like in movies. I became friends with this girl who loved to surf—and urged me to learn—her name was Lila. Lila and I were stuck together like glue. The guys loved her, and I loved the guys. They all seemed to love their lives, which looked to be an act, but I couldn't care less. Everyone seemed so alive, and Jana reminds me of them.
There is one part that I keep from Jana, though. Mr. Russ. Mr. Russ was my English teacher and my favorite teacher at that. When I first moved to Florida I obviously knew no one, but he was nice to me. Soon, we became friends. He was young, it was his first year teaching and he had just moved to Florida from Seattle. We were both new, in a way. We became close, a little too close. Close enough to the point where I would visit him after school ended, with the classroom door closed. We never had sex. After what I went through in Coldgrove, I didn't want to, but if I didn't have these issues, I'm sure it would have happened. I'm ashamed of myself for it.
It started off with harmless flirting, extra attention in class, asking me to stay after. I thought he was handsome, I thought what we were doing was wrong, so I lost myself in it. It was wrong. That's why I was so I love with the idea of it.
I was damaged.
We kissed a few times, hardly. Whenever things became too heavy I would freak out and have a panic attack.
"Wow, Florida sounds wonderful," Jana smiles and takes a sip of her pink milkshake. "Beaches every day, warm weather, hot guys, sounds like paradise. Darn, and I was stuck here."
I laugh lightly. "I'm sure you've been busy here."
"You know, same old Coldgrove. The most exciting thing here is the high school football games, and that says something."
I shrug. "Well, are there any guys in your life?"
Jana blushes, giving herself away. "Well, possibly. There's this guy in my English who is super sweet, and he's a total catch. We've been talking for a bit, I gave him my number last week. He asked me to the movies and he paid for everything."
"What a gentleman," I comment, "what's his name?"
"Tyler Bradshaw."
Just then the door opens and I glance in that direction. A few students have wandered in, none of them noticing me, but I have a habit of looking every time just in case.
This time, it was worth it.
I hold my breath as Harrison Keller himself casually walks in along with a few others. I feel a pain in my lungs, as I am forgetting to breathe. I shoot back to Jana and she notices my discomfort. The space under the table seems very inviting right about now.
"Do you want to go?" She asks and I shake my head, no. I can't risk ruining my newly mended friendship. Maybe he won't notice me because of my dark hair, maybe—
"Hailey Fonte, right?"
I freeze in my spot. My eyes plead with Jana for help, but she seems struck also. She is staring up at him.
Tears well in my eyes.
The walls close in on me and I find it hard to focus, to breathe even. I know this feeling, a panic attack.
Jana suddenly stands up and grabs her bag before grabbing my arms and yanking me from the booth. With my head down, together we push past Harrison and head straight for the door. Jana drops cash on the counter before escaping.
"No hello?" Harrison calls, but we're already gone.
Outside Knocks, I cling to my car and Jana gets in before I do the same. Knowing Jana, she doesn't have a car, she most likely walked here from school.
"Let's go to your house," Jana suggests and I nod. "Do you want me to drive?" I nod again.
I knew I would see him. Harrison tormented me sparsely throughout the first semester, but when he did, I couldn't take it. He too would pretend that I made it all up.
So you're going to be a Junior? He asked a year ago, in his kitchen. His friends had moved on with the party while Harrison stayed with me, and I didn't know why. What was so interesting about me?
Yeah, I mumbled back.
Did you come with anyone?
I thought of Jana and Daphne then, and how they had left me. I did, I said, but they're off somewhere.
He flirted, I have you all to myself then.
I blushed. I didn't know how to answer. I had never flirted with a guy before, only Daphne did. Don't you want to go with your friends? I asked.
He shrugged, they aren't as interesting as you are, Hailey. I'm surprised I'd never noticed you before.
I felt special. No guy had ever given me so much attention. Harrison chatted me up, asked me about school, about my friends, about myself. He asked, do you have a boyfriend?
I shook my head and took a small sip of whatever he gave me, I wasn't sure what it was. I thought it might be beer, it felt like beer.
Really? I thought you would have. You're so beautiful, I thought for sure some other guy would have swept you up by now, he smiled charmingly, again.
I blushed, again.
I lead Jana up to my room, though I'm sure she remembers where it is. It is the same as it was last year, white walls and carpeting, white furniture, and white bedding with delicate purple flowers on it."You haven't changed a thing," she murmurs and wanders inside, looking up my bookcase."No, I didn't feel like it," I tell her while sitting down on my bed."Sorry about what happened at Knocks, Harrison usually doesn't go there so I thought it would be okay."I shake my head. "Don't be sorry. How would you have known? Stuff just happens."The house is quiet, as my mother is at work. She has a job at the local police station, obviously enough she is a police officer. It is silly, act
"Do I have to wear a swimsuit?" I ask Jana as I sit on her bed, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom."Itisa pool party," she calls, "I mean kickback, a pool kickback."I grab one of her pillows and set it on my lap. Jana's room is colorful and cozy, and being in here makes me feel happy. She has plenty of pictures, school merchandise, decorations, things that truly make this room that of high school girls. The last time I saw it, she had a mirror hanging on her door where we used to write in lipstick, only because we thought it made us edgy. Now thinking about it, I laugh a little.Jana comes out in a white bikini, showing plenty. She looks amazing in it, incredibly confident. "Perfect," I call and she waves me off.
The night carries on and thekickbackmoves inside. Those who swam now have towels wrapped around them, and Trent Watts, the host, is now visible. I didn't recognize his name, but I remember him from just one glance. He was not popular, nor unpopular, sort of like me. I suppose he now has these pool parties going for him, it must have put him on the map.Music plays softly in the background as I curl up next to Taylor and Jana. Trent has the fireplace going, and I wonder where his parents are. We are in the living room, and soon enough Jordan comes in with Trent himself and Daniel. My posture lifts up a bid at the sight of him."What you up to?" Jordan asks Taylor and she shrugs, almost falling asleep against my arm."She's worn out," Jana murmurs and throws her head
I walk into the cafeteria with my backpack hanging from one shoulder, ready to fall off. I catch a glimpse of Jana, Taylor, Jordan, surprisingly Trent, and even Daniel sitting at the lunch table today. In my head, I thank God for it. I like to look at him, which seems stalkerish, but I can't help it. They are schoolgirl thoughts, it's a schoolgirl crush, and it will never happen."Hailey Fonte, you just won't give up, will you?"My eyes freeze at a spot on the floor, it is tiled, white with black speckles. I know that high voice all too well, and I know better than to flee. The cafeteria is silenced by her.Glancing up, slowly, I see her long platinum hair. Her hand is on her hip and her white t-shirt glows with the words: Coldgrove Dance Team.
As I lay on my bed, my phone rings. It's Jana. I answer and hold the device to my ear. "Hello?""Finally," she groans, "you should really answer my texts. Talking on the phone freaks me out.""It freaks you out?"She ignores me. "Something happened between Harrison and Daniel—""What," I interrupt her and swiftly sit up."Should have answered the texts, you would have known about this much sooner," she scolds me, but I could care less at the moment."Just tell me what happened."I hear her take a deep breath. "Jordan heard from Bradley that Daniel confronted Harrison in the l
The sixth-period bell rings, releasing us from the classroom. Everyone shuffles out, eager to move onto the last class of the day. Mrs. Hilliard, my English teacher, says her short goodbyes to the students passing her desk. They chime in my ear as I pack up my things."See you tomorrow.""Goodbye.""Don't forget to revise chapter twelve.""Quiz on chapter twelve is Friday."I sling my backpack over my shoulder and walk past her, but she stops me. "Hailey, you got a great score on your quiz last week, best out of all my classes." She places the perfect score in front of my eyes, sliding the graded quiz across her desk. "Do you have a strong interest in Lord of the Flies?"
I rush out of the locker room and head straight for my car. Harrison is right, I should have never come back. Ditching my last class, I jog to the driver's side and fumble with my keys."Going somewhere?"My heart skips a beat and I jump at the sudden, familiar voice. Turning around, I see Daniel standing at the back of a car, shutting the truck after pulling out a duffel bag with his name sewn on it. It's the track team bag.Realizing my red eyes and puffy face, I turn back and unlock my door. "Yeah, I'm leaving," I mutter and slide in. I shut the door before he can say anything, though I doubt he would. Like some sort of speed racer, I zip out of the parking spot and bolt down the street. My hand wipes stray tears from my face roughly, and I struggle to keep my hands steady on the wh
Instead of slipping through the side gate, this time, Jana and I walk through the front door of Trent Watts' house. Jana calls out, "we're here," and she leads me inside.The lights are dim and we join Taylor on the couch. Sitting across from her is a couple I had seen around school before. They seem to be in a deep conversation with each other, looking into one others eyes, holding hands. The girlplays with the guys, drawing pictures on his palm.Taylor smiles. "Finally, you're here. For a moment I thought you two weren't going to come.""Diddo," I mutter and crash down beside her. She has a glass set on the table in front of her. I can tell it's hers because her berry lipstick is smeared on the rim. I wonder what it is. I wonder what it tastes like. "How many times a month do y