Chapter I

"Jezrel, for you." I was in the library studying my notes for today's quiz with my earphone placed in my ears when somebody approached me. I snapped my head to look at the person who dared to disturb my peace.  He was holding a box of chocolates. A frown was etched on my face.

"Someone told me that you love chocolates,” he said.  I raised my eyebrow and gave him a bored look.

"Sorry, I don't like chocolates. Now go away because you're disturbing me." Malamig kong sambit. It's not actually new to me that I was given this attention by tons of men. I kept on ignoring them because I have goals to reach for. And besides, I don't trust men.

Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa binabasa ko. I tried hard to keep my focus. I noticed that he was still on his feet unmoved.

"Ang arte mong babae ka.  Pasalamat ka maganda ka." Umismidako sa sinabi niya. My head boiled up with what he said. 

"Anong sabi mo?" I raised my voice, giving him deathly stare. The nerve of this guy!  Na-alarma ang mga tao sa library.  I don't want to make a scene. Inis akong tumayo. Madali kong kinuha ang mgagamit ko at lumabas papalayo.  Napansin kong sinusundan pa rinang lalaki kanina.

"Ano ba? You're creeping me out!" He gave me a smirk. 

"Oh, Jezrel. You really are something. Mas lalo tuloy akongnababaliw sa'yo."

"I swear, you aren't funny." I gritted my teeth in anger. I threw him my dagger look. I stepped backward when he went near to me and I prayed for someone to rescue me. 

"Let's have some fun. Sa una ka lang naman magpapakipot. Pare-pareho kayong mga babae." my knees wobble as he took steps. 

"Ano ba? Sisigaw ako!" Just when I was about to scream, I was startled when I saw the guy helplessly lying on the floor. 

"Fuck, shit!" I heard someone hissed. My eyes squinted when an incredibly handsome guy welcomed my sight.

"Hindi ka ba marunong rumespeto sa babae?" Gigil nitong sambit. Nanginginig pa rin ang mga kamay ko habang nakatingin salalaking nakahandusay. Mabilis ang kabog ng d****b ko. The man's face bled because of his strong punch.

"Are you okay, Miss?" I was brought back to my senses when I heard him asked.  I nodded my head. 

"T-Thank you." Mahinang sambit ko sa nangingnig ko pa ring boses. 

"I'll take care of him, don't worry." He assured me with his smile.  Napatitig ako sa mukha niya. He has the prettiest smile I've ever seen. His hair was disheveled but still he could pull it off. His nose was on point. He could equate to a Greek God with the beauty he holds. I couldn't help but to admire his ethereal beauty.  His lips formed into a taunting smirk as he stared back at me.

"Alam kong gwapo ako, Miss,” he said wearing his confident smile. Was I too obvious? Well, no wonder why. I couldn't agree no more. "Stop staring at me, matutunaw ako niyan,” he added. I ignored his remark. Boys and their never-ending confidence.

I swallowed the lump in my throat before I threw him a question.  "Can I ask for your name?"

"Dwight,” he answered.

"Okay, Dwight. I'm Jezrel. Thank you for helping me."

"No problem, Miss. I mean, Jezrel.  Hope you'll be careful next time."

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin nang lumayo siya hanggang sa mawalana siya sa paningin ko. Hindi pa rin mawala ang malakas na kabogng d****b ko.

Hindi mapaglagyan ang ngiti ko nang makita ko ang resulta ng exam ko. Third year na ako sa kursong BS Accountancy. My heart was full and contented now. I spent the entire night reviewing. Finally, my effort was paid off. They say I'm lucky for having a beauty and brain.  The truth was, I was trying to prove to everyone that I was not just only with pretty face. They will recognize me for who I am not with what I look.

It sucks when pretty people are given more opportunities. I am not complaining but I'm sure that there are more people who are worthy of spotlight.

I've been scouted by several modeling agencies but I've never grabbed any of those.

I wanted to reach the top for my hard work and perseverance.

"Jez, Congrats. Perfect ka na naman! Sana all. Tuwang tuwa pasa'yo si prof." pagkukuwento ni Kiana, ang tanging kaibigan ko. I pursed my lips and gave her a smile.

"Mag-review ka kasi," I replied nonchalantly. 

"Ibang level ka kaya. Ganda mo pa. Sa'yo na korona, girl!" She giggled. Napangiti naman ako. "Kanina roon sa number seven, ang hirap ng problem. Si Sir naman porque halimaw sa accounting. Naka-ilang scratch na ako para mag-balance. Sakit sa bangs!"

"May next time pa naman,” turan ko.

"Where is Jezrel?" A loud voice boomed the whole classroom. We turned our heads to look who the person was. A lady went near to me and grabbed my hair.

Nagsinghapan ang mga tao sa loob. "Hoy! What are you doing to my friend?" I heard Kiana's voice. Hindi ko siya magawang tingnan. I was groaning in pain as she kept on harshly pulling my hair. There were some who tried to stop her but she was determined to hurt me.

"Bitawan mo ako!" I yelled, trying to get away from her grip.

She gave me piercing looks. "Ikaw pa matapang. Inagaw mo boyfriend ko!"

"Hindi ko alam ang sinasabi mo!" I shot back.

Napaatras ako nang tinulak niya ako. Hawak ni Kiana ang likod ko mula sa likuran.

"Really? 'Wag kang pa-victim dito!"

My brows knitted in confusion. I don't know what she's talking about. "What the hell are you saying?"

Humakupkip ito. "You were all over my boyfriend's phone, bitch!" My jaw dropped. I gritted my teeth in anger as I stared at her.

"It's not my fault that I am your boyfriend's fantasy and don't you ever come near to me again or else you won't know what I am about to do to you!" 

Hindi na siya nagsalita. She raised her eyebrow. "Bitch! Feeling matalino! Englishera ka lang pero p****k ka!" My jaw clenched. The audacity!

"Tapos ngayon magsa-smart shaming ka? You will stoop down below. Really? Common, lapagan mo ako ng argument." I fired.

She didn't say anything. Tiningnan niya lang ako nang masama bagolumabas ng classroom. 

Most of my classmates would throw their hates on me telling me it's my fault for being pretty.  That I was the reason why they would end breaking up with their boyfriends. I've had enough shits for this day. Pumikit ako ng mariin upang mapakalma ang sarili ko.

A face and body to die for. They kept on telling that to me. 

If only they knew the hollowness within me. It wasn't my fault that I was born this way. If they would only know I've never wanted the life that was given to me.

I was twelve when I started cursing my life. That was when I found out that my dad cheated on my mom for some random woman. She never cared for us in the first place.

My mom's voice replayed in my head. "When you grow up, do not trust men. They are loads of shits," she said with a broke voice. Her words marked in my head. Never ever trust man. They will hurt you in the end.

I vividly remembered how my mom was weeping when she finally saw it with her eyes how my dad kissed another woman.  I was there witnessing how my family was destroyed into pieces.

Hindi ko magawang isipin kung paano nasikmura ni Dad na mag-loko. I've witnessed how my Dad used to adore Mom. I've witnessed how my Dad would shower my Mom kisses, held her hand, took care of her. Kaya simula nang masaksihan ko ang nangyari iyon ay nagtanim na ako ng galit kay Dad. I will never be like him. I will never be a homewrecker.

"Girl, pang-ilan na 'yung sumusugod sa'yo! I-report na kaya natin sadean." Nag-aalalang saad ni Kiana.

Tinanggap ko lahat ng akusasyon ng iba't ibang babaeng sumugodsa akin. Alam ko ang totoo. Ilang beses na rin akong nag-explain. But no one believed. Nakakapagod na rin sa mga sarado ang isipankaya tinanggap ko na lang.

"It's fine. Saka na kapag malala na,” sabi ko na lamang.

"Girl, malala na nga!" Kontra niya. "Ako na lang ang magfa-file ng complaint. Ako ang nai-istress sa mga babaeng 'yon!" Huminga akong malalim sa sinabi niya. 

"Okay. Tomorrow we'll go there.” Dumiretso ako sa malapit nabanyo. I stared at my dreadful sight, looking in the mirror. Hinugasan ko ang mukha ko. Kumuha naman ako ng tissue sa bag ko at pinunasan iyon.  Isinuklay ko ang buhok ko gamit ang mgadaliri ko. Nagpaalam naman ako kay Kiana nang mag-dismiss ang professor sa last subject.

Nakita ko ang mapanghusgang tingin ng mga estudyante. Marahilay nakarating na sa kanila ang nangyari kanina. I'm used to people's judgment of me and I never cared about it. They are not worthy of my attention.  Might as well ignore them. Ramdam ko pa rin ang hapdi na inabot ko sa babaeng 'yon. I stiffened when I saw Terrence outside of the university waiting for me.  He was holding a bouquet of flowers. 

"Please, accept this," he said.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I told you to stop giving me this."

He breathed.  "I know but please… Give me a chance, Jezrel. I can be the best man you'll ever want. Please…”

Terrence has been my suitor since last year but he never stopped chasing me. He was so persistent.  I've rejected him for several times but he didn't budge. 

"What do you want me to do, Jezrel? You told me stop but look, I am still here begging for your love."

I heaved a deep sigh. "Terrence."

He took the distance and held my hand. "I will never hurt you, Jezrel. Please…"

"I can't, Terrence. I'm inlove with someone else."

Umiling siya. "No, you're just making an excuse."

"I am telling the truth. Please, Terrence. I really can't be with you."

His eyes looked pain but I had to do this. I can't be with him. Terrence is fine, honestly. It's just that I don't want to be with somebody whom I am not in love with. 

"Tell me, who is it? And if it's really true that you have one. Where is he? Why aren't you with him?" sunod sunod niyang tanong. Napalunok ako. I have to come up with an excuse! I composed myself despite of my knees wobbling.

Nanlaki naman ang mata ko nang may nakita akong pamilyar nalalaki. I thanked God that the lucky cards were on my side this time. "Dwight!" It was loud enough that he turned his head at my direction. Mabilis akong tumakbo papalapit sa kanya. "Boyfriend!" Nagtataka naman siyang tumingin sa akin nanghinawakan ko ang braso niya. I felt him flinched. I bit my lower lip before I got the courage to look at him.

"Please… Help me." Bulong ko sa kanya. Nginuso ko si Terrence nanakatayo roon. He was glaring at us. I hope he would really buy this act.

"Ginugulo ka ba niya?" tanong niya. Hindi agad ako nakasagot. Pinagmasdan ko si Terrence na bumagsak ang balikat habangmatalim pa rin ang titig sa amin bago sumakay sa mamahalin niyangkotse. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag.

"Jezrel." Napatingin ako kay Dwight. Unti unti kong inaalis ang pagkahawak ko sa braso niya. Pero, mabilis niya iyong binawi. Hinawakan niya pa ang kamay ko ng mahigpit.

"What are you doing?" Singhal ko. He grinned.

"Hey, girlfriend." His smirk deepened and it irked me. I wanted to wipe that on his face.

"Ano ba?"

"So grumpy, girlfriend." His smirk turned into a mischievous smile.

"Forget what I said. I need to go." Paalam ko. He finally let go of his hands on me.

"Okay, girlfriend." Hindi ko siya pinansin. I rolled my eyes.

Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang strap ng bag ko. Hindi pa akonakakalayo nang marinig ko ang boses niya.

"Bye, girlfriend! Ingat ka!"