Chapter 4: Package

Now that I finally remember the root cause of my dilemma, naginhawaan ako kahit papaano. It was better than before that I really know nothing. It was different before dahil hindi na ako umaasa sa kwento ni Athena. I felt relieved and happy na unti-unti nang nagmamadaling bumalik ang ala-ala ko.

"Good morning, Paige," Bati sakin ni Wesley nang abutan ako sa may balkonahe.

It was a cold morning even the sun shone so brightly. Hawak ang tasa ng kape inalala ko ang sunod-sunod na nangyari sakin sa mga nakaraang araw. I was surprised to even think how I cope up with it. Napakabilis ng mga pangyayari but I feel like I am ahead of it because I'm not having triggers.

Seeing my brother somehow comforts the inner me. At least naaalala ko siya. Though, I feel sad about Athena dahil wala pa akong kaalam-alam tungkol sa kanya bukod sa mga sinabi niya sakin. In the past two years I've seen how much she cares for me, how much she love me. Na kahit hindi kami magkadugo ay suportado niya ako at hindi niya ako iniwan. Because of that naisip ko kung ano nga bang dahilan bakit tinututulan ko ang relasyon nila. I really don't understand why.

I went inside to cook and prepare for our breakfast. I was busy learning how to do the basics in everything kaya hindi ko din napagtuonan ng pansin ang mga ala-ala ko. Now that everything seems to be rushing now. Nagsimula lahat ng 'to dahil sa package na kukuhanin namin. Oh right! I forgot na nasa kwarto ko na pala siya. Pagtapos kong magluto ay pumasok ako sa kwarto ko para tignan ang laman.

"I'm ready for everything, 'diba?" Pagpapalakas ko ng loob ko dahil alam kong hindi magiging madali ang lahat para sakin.

It may trigger my memory and it might also cause me pain. Kaya kumuha na ako ng tubig at hinayaan kong bukas ang pintuan. Kumuha na din ako ng painkillers ko at inilagay sa table na malapit lang sakin. Whatever is inside this box will definitely help me kaya hindi dapat ako matakot.

I grabbed the scissors and cut the packaging tapes that surrounded the whole box. Isa-isa kong ginunting at iniayos sa isang tabi ang mga kalat. Binuksan ko na ang box and it was a lot of things but the picture frame caught my attention first. It was me, a poster. Isa siguro to sa mga concerts ko because it was entitled "Opening the Paiges". Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko dahil I started to foresee a very loud concert in my head and it was me performing sa stage kasama ang isang lalaki. I opened my eyes and I haven't felt any pain.

Inilapag ko sa kama ang picture frame at sunod kong kinuha ang isang white dress. Isa itong satin white dress na maikli lang. I never felt any strange connection kaya itinabi ko nalang sa kama. The next thing I saw is my single album na may title na "Uncertainty". Lahat ng mga bagay sa loob ay alam kong konektado sakin. Lahat ng nasa loob ay nakapagpaalala sakin ng mga nakaraan ko. It was a smooth reminisce, walang headaches.

Nang akmang itatapon ko na ang box ay may nakita akong wallet-size picture na may sulat sa likod.

Uncertain things come from doubt,

But for me, I've never been uncertain when it comes to you.

When I flipped the picture, I saw myself. I was smiling widely at may kahawak kamay. It was in a forest-like place dahil sa background. I felt my tears falling from my eyes, I remembered this. I remember him. 

A flashback started to play inside my head.

After my international tour, nagpahinga nagdecide ako magpahinga for about two weeks. I planned to go on a vacation with him. I smiled, first vacation with him na ba 'to?

Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip at kaagad ko siyang tinawagan. "Hi," I greeted.

[I'm on my way home, babe. Why'd you call me?]

"I have free time. 2 weeks siya, so, vacation? Wanna come?" I excitedly asked.

[Tinatanong pa ba yan? Of course! Get ready now. Gonna pick you up.] He said and ended the call.

I immediately packed my things. Lahat ng dadalhin ko ay pang beach like beach dress, bikini and mga essentials sa beach. Nagdala din ako ng shorts and tshirts para sigurado. I really feel excited lalo na ngayon dahil makakasama ko siya sa vacation. Nagpadeliever nalang ako ng food from my manager para may kainin kaming dalawa before umalis. I also browsed in the internet kung saan magandang magbakasyon na medyo hindi matao for our safety na din.

I heard the doorbell, siguro ay ang food delivery na. I opened the door and put on my mask in case lang. But I was wrong! It was him.

"Hi!" he greeted and entered the house while hugging me.

"How's work, Mr. CEO?"

"It was fine." He kissed the tip of my nose. "Nakapili ka na ba ng lugar? Do you want me to contact someone to help us?" He offered help. Good thing I already did the searching.

"No need. I found a place. It was called Beach Paradise somewhere in Palawan. Private island siya." I informed him about the other details also. "By the way, yung damit mo pala?" I asked.

Pumunta ako sa fridge to start packing snacks para sa aming dalawa. He knows I'm into snacks kapag nasa biyahe.

"Your brother did that for me. I called him after you. Daanan nalang natin sa condo ko." He also helped me with the snacks.

It was a quick unplanned vacation. Gabi na kami nakapag book kaya madaling araw na din kami dumating sa island. Fortunately, kilala niya pala ang owner at it was his ninong kaya medyo napamura din kami. Hindi ko talaga afford gumastos ng mahal kahit pa sabihin nating pera niya ang gagamitin. We just slept when we arrived dahil sa pagod.

"Good morning, baby," I heard his greeting.

Bumangon na siya at naghanda ng breakfast. I can smell some bacon and hotdogs. Nakarinig din ako ng blender kaya naman hindi ko na nagawang matulog ulit.

"Morning, gonna look around the beach house lang," I said and hugged him for a second. Hindi naman siya

Habang naglilibot ay nakita ko ang tabing dagat.

Ah, wonderful life.

I want to build a house near the beach para makapag relax din ako. As I was wandering inside the beach house nang makakita ako ng isang gubat. Binalak ko kaagad na puntahan ang gubat na iyon para tignan pero mamaya nalang pagtapos namin kumain.

"Babe! Breakfast is ready, bumaba ka na!" I was called right on time.

I smiled and went downstairs to eat breakfast. Pagdating sa dining area ay nagulat ako dahil sa sobrang dami niyang hinanda para sa agahan. Tinitigan ko siya sa gulat pero kibit balikat lang ang tanging isinagot niya sakin kaya naman hinayaan ko nalang at umupo na sa tabi niya.

He hate when we eat facing each other dahil hindi niya raw ako nasusubuan. He's very clingy when we're alone. Lalo na kapag nagseselos siya, halos hindi na bitawan ang kamay ko at laging nakayakap sa akin. He's like a big baby for me.

Habang kumakain ay nag-usap lang kami tungkol sa trabaho, he said that another project is after me. Hindi ko naman alam kung kakayanin ng schedule ko ang movie dahil kakatapos nga lang ng tour ko at puro endorsement ang gagawin ko after nito. I also have upcoming albums na pinaghahandaan.

"I still have endorsements, babe. I also need to record my upcoming album. But I'll try to ask my manager's opinion," I smiled sweetly at tumango lang siya.

I washed the plates when we're done eating. Inayos niya muna ang mga paperworks niya at tinapos ang iba kaya naman hapon na nang makapag handa kami for a swim. Isang linggo lang ang stay namin dito sa island kaya naman gusto ko nang sulitin. Nagdala ako ng camera for us take a lot of memories and a lot of beautiful sceneries. Hindi ko maiwasang maisip din na iwanan na ang showbiz for the meantime dahil for me masyado itong toxic para sa isang sensitive person na kagaya ko. Of course bashers are everywhere and I have to admit na I also have bashers. Sa industriyang pinasok ko hindi madali ang buhay, just like other profession. It was toxic and full of lies. Loveteams are the most obvious lie among it. People are blinded by a single pairing of the management dahil sa chemistry, umano, nga pair na yon. Sadly, even the most popular loveteams have their own real life partners na itinatago. 

"Let's go? Anong una mong gusto gawin?" He asked while holding my hand.

Nagsimula kaming maglakad sa tabing-dagat. Sobrang nabusog ang mga mata ko dahil sa tanawin. It was such a picturesque sight. I was able to breathe after months of working.

"Let's swim?" I asked him.

Kanina ko pa gustong maligo dahil napaka ganda at linaw ng dagat. The sand in this island is like the sand in the boracay. Nagsimula na kaming humakbang papunta sa dagat. Naghubad siya ng sando ako naman ay ang beach dress ko. He was wearing a blue trunk shorts at ako naman ay aqua blue na two piece. Sinadya naming mag matchy ng clothes dahil that's what most couple do at minsan lang namin maga ang mga ganoong mga bagay. Ibinaba ko na din ang camerang dala ko at sumunod sa kanya.

"I don't really know how to swim, babe. Dito lang ako sa malapit," I said dahil halos nasa gitna na siya ng dagat.

I was just enjoying the view, including him. He is the most perfect view I could ever look. Hindi ako magsasawang tignan ang mukha niya at mas lalong hindi ako magsasawang mahalin siya. I just love him so much that even if it will soon haunt me, I still took the risk. Para kaming mga teenager na nagtatago sa magulang dahil sa ipinagbabawal na relasyon. Our relationship is full of thrill and excitement. Kaya natatakot din ako dahil baka ang sukli ng sayang nararanasan ko sa kanya ay ganoon nalang din kasakit at kalungkot dahil alam kong maraming maaapektuhan.

"You ok there?" He checked on me.

Binigyan ko lang siya ng thumbs-up at ng finger heart. I also blew him a kiss na sinakyan niya at umaktong sinasalo ang h***k ko tska nagpatihulog sa tubig. He is really the right one for me. The one I really wanted to be with sa future. Even risking my career for him is easy dahil mas mahal ko siya sa career na meron ako ngayon.

After soaking myself ay umahon ako saglit para kunin ang camera. I told him to take a picture of me para may maiupdate ako sa i*******m ko. Hindi naman siya nagreklamo at agad na sumunod. I took a lot of photos, syempre may pictures din kaming pareho pero selfie lang dahil wala namang ibang tao sa isla bukod samin.

The forest! I remembered. We were on our way back to the house at pinipilit ko siyang hilahin papunta sa forest. I was laughing because I can hear him groaning dahil pagod na daw siya. Lumingon ako sa kanya at ngumiti ng pagkalaki-laki. He then took a photo of me. Ngumiti siya at ako naman ang sumimangot.

"Don't worry, sobrang ganda mo sa picture na yon. Palagi kang maganda," He complimented me.

I came back to reality. Our first vacation together. Simon. 

I was silently crying dahil sa mga nalaman. I just can't believe what I remembered. Hindi lang yung memories ang naalala ko. I also felt the feeling when I was reminiscing. Sobrang saya at excitement. It was the happiest memory I remembered. Hindi ko alam pero bakit hindi ko pa din nakikita ng malinaw ang mukha niya. Yon ang pinakagusto kong maalala. His happy face.

Athena entered the room and saw me crying. Agad niya akong nilapitan. I look like shit at the moment. I'm in tears while sitting on the floor. I was hugging my knees and doing nothing but cry.

"You remembered him?" She asked me. She asked me as if she knew who it was. As if she knew the man behind my tears. She probably knew because she knows my past.

I felt insecure for a minute. Everyone knows about me, my personality, career, and life. Pero ako? Nangangapa pa din sa sarili ko hanggang ngayon. I was still in the middle of the process na matagal ko nang hinihintay umusad.

Then I remembered, I should tell her about my memories. Maybe she can help me, I know she can help me.

"I do. But his face. I can't still have a glimpse of his face." Sabi ko habang umiiyak.

"The last time you saw his face, you fainted." Pag-amin niya.

"I saw him? When? Where?" Takang-taka kong tanong.

"He brought you to the hospital that day. He was worried that he even cried while driving the car. Hindi siya nagsasalita pero nakikita kong lumuluha siya. Yung araw na pumunta tayo kila mayora, Paige." She stopped, looking hesitated. "He was also there everyday nung na-coma ka pero hindi ka niya mapuntahan dahil after three days, nagising ka. But the sad thing is when you saw him approaching you, bigla ka nalang sumigaw dahil sa sobrang sakit ng ulo mo. Then you fainted dahil sa kanya." She smiled as if she was also hurt because of what happened. "He never left when you were in the hospital kahit pa ganon ang nangyari. Pero nang nagsimula nang pumutok ang balita na tinakasan mo ang groom mo, he went away and took care of everything." She said.

"Is he the man I've been dreaming about? Yung CEO? Yung lalaking nasa kwarto? Siya ba yon?" I asked because I wanted to make sure. Hindi ko na maitago ang kuryosidad sa tono ko. 

"He is. Simon Idelfonso is the CEO of the agency you were working to. Being in a relationship with him caused you trouble. You risked everything for him, even your family and friends." She said. "Everyone doubted you." She included. Ramdam ko ang sakit at kalungkutan sa bawat salitang binitawan niya. Alam kong nasasaktan siya para sakin pero gusto kong subukan pa din. Kahit mahirap at kahit masaktan ako

It was terrifying to know even if I knew only pieces of my life. Imagining how my life was before is terrifying and complicated. Nakakatakot bumalik sa mundong minsan na akong tinapon at minsan ko na ding sinukuan. Now that my lost memories are invading me again, ayaw ko nang tumakbo pabalik. I will face it without hesitation. 

"Athena, I want to see Simon now. I want to see him." I emotionally begged. "Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko pero maybe seeing him will help me to remember everything."

Even if it will cost me pain, I will never back down. I already risked too much for him, ano ba naman tong sakit ng ulo para lang makita siya. Hindi ba?