Will

I argued with my sister over her insistence that I'm in denial. I spent the night thinking about what he said, and I came to the conclusion that I was an idiot in the past, and out of fear I didn't experience that "possible relationship" during the end of high school. But and now? How do I feel about my co-star? Is it just enthusiasm? Is it the closeness that makes me think of Nate differently?

I don't know what I feel for him, but I know that being by his side makes me very happy. Every time I make him smile, it makes me feel light. Hearing his voice telling funny situations from his life while having dinner is perfect. I observe every detail of her face that makes me enchanted, her eyes are an intense brown, and they look at me with an expression of happiness. He smiles when he hears me say any nonsense, and it infects me, sometimes I think I have this power under him. However, there's one thing about Nate that I notice quite often, something that's been my favorite part of his body so far, his mouth. I lean across the table, face him, and watch his damn mouth some more.

— Nate, what's that in the corner of your mouth? — I ask, and he looks at me in surprise.

— Oh you say here? — He points to a small scar at the corner of his mouth. I shake my head in a positive sign. — That was a bicycle fall!

— Bleed a lot?

— A little, but my mom was more desperate than I was… — he says and smiles.

Seeing him smile motivates me to do the same. He's stronger than me, I don't care about anything, I just approach the chair, touch the corner of his mouth, he looks at me scared and turns his gaze to another direction, I feel he's nervous, I withdraw my hand.

— You didn't get any points? — I ask in order to ease the discomfort. He just shakes his head in the negative, not looking at me.

— So, can we start proofreading the text, or organizing the appointments, since the restaurant doesn't have a lot of people? he asks without looking at me.

I shake my head in the affirmative, I get even closer to him, and we start to mark the lines of each scene, we would have many to record in the next few days, referring to the fifth episode. After a while of reviewing scenes, doing some reading and sharing ideas, Nate is still at a loss about their order, he's a little messy with the text workbook.

— Just to situate myself here. Have we reviewed the first scene, the one in the video?

— Yes, and the football scenes, the bar, at Wanchai's house...

— At Wanchai's house, which one?

— The one that Thirasak will declare, and one of Wanchai's friends gets in the way!

— What would Wanchai's reaction be if Thirasak really did declare himself? —  I ask in order to hear what Nate thinks about it.

— He would freak out and deny he feels anything!

— If that happened to you?

-— Like this?

— If you were Wanchai, and I were Thirasak, and you declared me…

— What? — he asks and his gaze looks scared, and he quickly flips through the text notebook and speaks again. — Look, it's... Are there any more scenes I need to review, and...

— Thirasak's jealous scene when he meets Wanchai with a girl, and the… Do… — I can't speak.

— From the kiss?

— IT'S. — at speaking the word “kiss”, something that was almost unconscious in my mind, was activated. That uncontrollable desire for his mouth. I think I'd better get those thoughts out of my head.

[...]

I don't think I can deny anymore that Nate awakens something in me, and my sister is right when she says I'm in denial. This has made me uncomfortable. I think when we spend a lot of time believing that something is wrong, it takes us longer to accept it. If I accept the fact that I feel something for him, even if it's an uncontrollable desire, what should I do? Even if I accept the idea that I'm attracted to a guy, where will that take me? I don't know what Nate feels, what if he doesn't feel anything?

My mind is spinning in circles, I'm so confused. A solitary tear insists on appearing, I wipe the corner of my eye. Stop it, Will, boys don't cry for other boys! Trying to convince myself is worse, I sit on my bed, I need something to keep my mind busy, otherwise I'm going to freak out. A muffled sound snaps me out of my little grief. I look to the side and my phone is vibrating. The name on the display catches my eye. "Nate".

Oh, are you serious? What does he want?

— Hi

— Will, sorry if I woke you up!

— It didn't wake me up. But what do you want?

— I'm not sleepy, and I decided to call you to pass the time, I don't know... I like to hear you talk, you make me feel good! — damn it! Why does he tell me something like that? My heart beats a thousand an hour.

— Ah, that's good! That's good to hear, because before I thought you hated me!

— What madness is this? I? Hate you? Something like that is impossible...

— You weren't very nice when we first met, Nate!

— I know, this is my defense, I tend to be like this with... With... With... — What the hell, why is he stuttering?

— With what?

— People who intimidate me!

— Which is? As well?

— Ah... Yeah... I felt intimidated by you. After all, you are the heir to an empire, and...

— Just because of that? What did you think?

— No big deal,I was just scared... I don't know, I felt weird, and you're always so attentive to me, and so... So... — what is he talking about? What's with him? He's not like that, he seems to be scared.

— So what?

— So beautiful! My heart beats even faster when I hear this.

— Do you think I'm handsome?

— Of course, everyone thinks you're cute.

— I don't want to know what everyone thinks, I want to know what you think!

— I already said, I think you're beautiful, and after I dreamed about you, I… — it's not possible! Did I hear that?

— What? Did you dream about me?