This way I will go crazy

Will

“Mom, I...”

 My breath quickens, I open my eyes and realize that it was all a dream. I sit up in bed, my breathing still rapid. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. A feeling of frustration washes over me. It's not possible that this was all a dream, it was so real! My fingers touch my lips, I close my eyes and the whole scene plays out in my mind. If I keep having dreams like that, I'll go crazy.

I leave the dressing room straight to the recording set. I walk there with great anxiety, we will record the kiss scene, and the kisses we exchanged in this last dream don't leave my head. I arrive on set, and the scene takes place in Wanchai's room, and Nate is sitting on the bed talking to our director. I approach, and they both look at me.

— Will, was guiding Nate through the scene, sitting next to him so we can go over some details!

— Of course… — I do what he asks of me. I look to the side, and Nate stares at me with some discomfort, will he claim he was drunk, like in the dream? Oh Will, stop that shit! I'm going to end up deconcentrating and messing up.

— So you stop him from leaving, hold his hand and say they need to talk, and he says he has nothing else to say...

— He sits back on the bed, and I say that I'm going to start dating a girl and that we don't have to fake it, because everyone on campus has convinced themselves that I'm irresistible, and...

— That's right! the director exclaims.

— I get desperate, and I say my text about the pain Thirasak feels about being dumped for a girl, and he tries to say something else, and I have to kiss him…" Nate complements, I stare at him and swallow hard.

— That's right. Now we need to go over the lines, and then we start recording. Another thing, you know that if it doesn't work out the first time, we'll do it again, and Will, you don't have to kiss him, it's just Thirasak that catches Wanchai off guard, and touches his lips, that's all. — only that because you weren't the one who had an almost erotic dream about the guy in front of you, and you still have to feel his lips and stay still. This is not going to work!

All the scenes that precede the kiss were done only once, were we very focused, or is it the desire to kiss? Stop thinking nonsense... And now, let's redo the last part before the kiss, because Nate came to kiss me without saying his text, maybe it's not silly on my part. We sit on the bed, Nate is bent over as if he wants to pass out, after all Thirasak is a little drunk.

— Action — the director authorizes.

I give Nate a confused look and start talking.

— I'll take Surya seriously... Did you hear what I said? I said I'll take her seriously! I say, and watch Nate's, or rather Thirasak's, look a mixture of sadness and anger.

— Will you hit on her? And what am I to you? Just a toy?

— What? What got into you?

— Should I pretend I'm heartbroken in front of the university? Should I cry?

— Hey, what do you have, Thirasak? I just want to have a girlfriend, because you're… — and at that moment Wanchai can't complete his sentence, he's surprised by Thirasak's mouth that touches him with great despair.

He walks away from me.

— I like you, stay with me! — this text is accompanied by an intense look, full of love to give. My heart beats so fast, I'm stunned.