C2

FROM THE OTHER SIDE

What, how, when, at what time? I sat down in the chair next to him and put a hand to my chest. I didn't feel my heart beating. It wasn't beating, why isn't it beating? My lip trembled.

“Sam, it's hard," Gertrudis crouched down next to me but then moaned a little from her back, "I was pretty much the same when I came here, well, actually when I woke up and noticed everyone was ignoring me. I was very frustrated and angry with my daughter and grandchildren. I would ask them for things and they would walk right past me. Then I understood that they didn't ignore me, that I was dead, so they couldn't see me.

I was trying to assimilate all this that was happening. I was trying to assimilate the situation. I was trying to find some logic, some explanation.

“I... I don't understand, I was fine, I didn't feel sick or anything, I didn't even leave my house. Last night... I slept, I just slept, and today... today I'm dead “ the word was heavy even for me. Now I understood why Berny and Amanda were acting like this. Now I understood that they were not ignoring me but that they couldn't see me. And I also understood that the girl they were talking about was me.

“Sam... I'm not the one to answer all this. I'm just an old woman who takes care of her rose bushes. When I woke up like this I felt very lonely and without explanation. But there were your great”grandparents, they welcomed me and explained to me. Do you want to go see them?

I looked at her.

Do I want to go see my great”grandparents who had died years ago? God, this is a lot for me.

“I don't, I don't think I'm ready," the tears kept coming, "How did this happen to me?

“There's one person who can answer all your questions, my dear," she sobbed my hair. I had even died in my pajamas.

“Who? “I sniffed my nose.

“There's a man a few blocks from here who's been here longer, almost twenty years, he knows a lot of things unlike others who may have been here for centuries.

“Are you going to take me to that man?

“I can't, I can't leave my place, it's dangerous when you leave your place of death, apparently there are bad souls or bad spirits that want to drag you into the...

“Hell?

“To certain death, where you no longer think or act, where you just sleep without having any kind of notion whatsoever.

“This you see here, where we are, is a kind of limbo. A kind of place where we are just waiting for the final judgment. Most of the souls that are trapped here is because they don't accept that they died or maybe they still don't want to leave. They are resigned.

“You are resigned, Gertrudis.

“I have to take care of my rose bushes.

I snorted.

“I need to see that man, what's his name?

“I don't know if you heard about a boy who died just on the day of his graduation. He went out to buy a bottle of booze to celebrate but right between the intersection of Saint South and White Pain he died because of a car accident.

Yes, I knew the story, Mom told me about it as she had been a classmate of his. He died moments after graduating.

“I know the story.

“Well, the boy's name is Charlie and he stands in that same spot where he died. You can find him there. I'm very afraid of you going alone, though.

“I've always gone to the crossroads alone.

“When you were alive, but now that you're... “I'm silent” “It's much more dangerous. We don't know which souls have died there or if they are bad. Bad souls can hurt you. It's very, very dangerous. That's why nobody leaves their spots where they died. They are safe there. Your safe spot is here, in your house.

Jay came to mind.

Oh, Jay. I cried. I cried more. I cried because I would no longer see Jay. I cried because all the plans we had together would no longer come true. I cried because now Jay would have to find someone else and be happy while I would be left in limbo alone and forever. I cried because he had died and I had accomplished nothing in my life. I cried because I discovered that I was not born for anything special but only to live twenty years, go to school, fall in love, suffer for love, fall in love, find the person I truly love and then... die.

Is that what I lived for? For nothing? Just when I had found some happiness I die.

It doesn't seem fair!

I cried on Gertrudis' shoulder.

I missed Jay.

“

“Are you better?

“No.

“I understand that, I mean, are you calmer?

“A little.

“I'll tell someone to take you “she stands up “Ouch, my back, my back. I thought when I died at least I'd be young again.

I almost laughed at that.

“There's a boy named Brandon, he's little but he's a little devil.... “I gave her a dirty look, "I'm just saying. He's brave, he died years ago in a voting accident. He drowned. He was so young. He knows these places well, he's always walking around.

“Wait, did you say Brandon? “The boy who drowned at the crossing?

“Yes, do you know him?

“No, I mean, I looked at him once when I was alive. I was a junior in high school and he was going into first grade. Then months later we found out the news. It was sad.

The whole school attended his funeral, I even saw him in the box and I can still remember his face: it was a little swollen and even had a tear of blood on it.

“Sam, that's... sad," he whispered, "I've taken care of that boy as long as I've known him. He's always coming and going, I think he misses school and his friends, or I think maybe there was a girl he couldn't declare his love to.

“Does he always come to school?

“Yes, in the afternoons. He should just come today, that's where he'll accompany you.

Oh, God, this is... this is... I have no words to describe a situation like this. I'm dead and I can interact with people who died years ago in this place. And others. My great”grandparents are right next door and I still don't have the courage to go and see them. Who knows what other people I will meet. They are dead. Dead left in limbo. Just like me. But we can also see and hear the living. We are among you, we are always here, watching, listening, helping when needed, but we are always here, even if you can't see us.

“

“Brandon! “shouts Gertrudis, a cry too loud for her age. Gertrudis was a dark old woman, her hair was full of gray, she was short, her skin was full of wrinkles and she looked so fragile. I always thought Gertrudis was angry when she was alive, but now I see that she was not. She is quite the opposite.

In the distance I looked at a boy. He was wearing shorts, a sleeveless shirt and leather shoes. I didn't really remember Brandon well, I had a very bad memory, but as he got closer I could see him well and remember his details: a little shorter than me, thin, white, thick eyebrows, half thick nose and more or less thin lips. His hair was black.

“Did you catch anything today? “Gertrudis asked him.

“No, I missed that fish in the net again.

“He's been trying to catch the fish that caused his accident for six years," she said softly, "Brandon, this is Samantha and she's new around here, I don't know if you've seen her.

Brandon looks at me so I raise my hand and wave at him forming a half smile on my face.

What was I supposed to do?

“I've seen her, several times. I saw her at school too, and at my funeral. Also when I was alive which I was always ignored.

“What? What are you talking about?

“Yes, I remember it was my first day in high school and I knew almost no one. They were the "big boys" so to speak, or that's what we called them. I walked by you, you looked pretty and I smiled at you but you ignored me. You looked at me for a millisecond and then ignored me.

“Ah... I... I... have... What? But... well, I didn't even know you. I'm sorry.

“All is forgiven, Samantha," he said my name in a strange tone.

“Well, the thing is, Sam needs to see Charlie because she's still confused about his death and that sort of thing you know.

“I know. Charlie is always waiting for someone new.

“Will you take her?

“What will you give me in return? “he asked me.

“Hey... I don't have any money, I mean, I do, but I don't think you can buy anything here, you know what I mean? “I half laughed.

Bad joke.

“I need a helper, I'm tired of that fish. I want you to help me catch it. Tomorrow, right in the morning.

I looked at Gertrudis who only shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, I accept.

“Great, let's go. Ger, I'll see you later.

“All right, honey, take care of yourself and Sam," he says.

I start walking down the same streets of Plant Green, now feeling stranger than usual. I was walking with Brandon, a dead teenager. I looked at the houses, it was always the same. There were the same people but they were alive, doing their same old routine. But now they weren't watching me walk by. And for a moment I felt that I was not dead, that everything was the same, but Brandon by my side brought me back to the sad reality.

“How do you feel? “he asks me.

“How do you think I feel? “I answered, "I'm dead.

“I remember that I was very scared when I woke up and noticed that I was on the shore of the beach, lying on the sand. I ran home to look for my parents... but all I found was a coffin and a person identical to me inside it. I was in a church, in the church my mother used to visit. Sometimes I went with her. And there were a lot of people. The whole school was there. Everyone was passing by to look at me. I screamed. I screamed a lot so they would hear me. And then I saw you, you walked by and just looked at me for a second. You felt uncomfortable because you saw my tear of blood. I was screaming inside. I felt trapped. Then I ran out and ran into several people who had died years before. That's where I met Charlie. He took care of me and explained everything.

Hearing Brandon's story made me shiver but it also made me sad. Brandon was maybe thirteen years old, had his whole life ahead of him and died trying to catch a fish.

What would have happened if Brandon had lived? He'd be almost out of fifth grade, maybe he'd have a girlfriend, maybe he'd have figured out what he likes to do.

Your vocation. Some gift. But he didn't make it past thirteen. And now he's stuck here, going every chance he gets to school to see his classmates and the girl he likes, watching her maybe be with another boy. Brandon wishes he was alive and had seized the moment.

As do I.

Just like so many others who died without ever getting to do what they wanted. Without having lived. Brandon deserved to have accomplished so much. He's small and alone, trying to catch the fish that made him die.

“Brandon," I put my hand on his shoulder, "starting today I will help you catch that fish. “I said confidently, "We're going to catch it, I assure you.

“I'm confident of that," he smiled sideways.

Only then I could be at peace.