There it is. It's done. Iāve accomplished it, to tell Ryle the truth about who I spent his money on. I was nervous all my explanation long, but Ryle being him, all I received from him was pure acceptance and tenderness. I didn't feel any negative energy from him and he said he didn't regret anything either. In fact, he told me he idolized me for being courageous and independent at my age, that it was me who helped Mom, not him, and that I couldn't be more proud to have such a humble, loving boyfriend. I love him for that. I love him for everything. Everything heās got and done for me. Heās a treasure, and Iāll do whatever it takes to keep that treasure safe. Iām not the only one who needs to have comfort and safety in this relationship, he also does, so Iāll do whatever I can just to make feel appreciated and loved as well. He deserves it indeed.Anyway, in the late afternoon, he tells me to go with him to his favorite fast food chain when he was a child. He says heās been missing bein
The night sky may be serene and full of stars, but my night is gloomy. It has been since we left the fast-food chain. My brain seems not to work. My flesh has fluxed. My spirits have descended. I can't think of anything but the face I saw in the fast-food place, and it's Ryleās favorite place in his childhood, and that idea makes the situation even worse. Why did I have to see that personās face? Why did his presence have to just jump out of the void? Why would he appear like heās never done anything? Why would he look at me with shock knowing that Iāve despised him with all of my guts? It just doesn't make sense. He doesn't make any fucking sense at all. He was gone already, and I was happy about it. Now heāll come back? Reall, in this city? For fuckās sake. Fate really is terribly neutral. I thought it was in my favor already. O Heavens, why? Just why? And now? I have so many questions in my head, and I donāt see any answers to them any sooner. I hate this day. Iām sorry for Ryle I s
Well, well, well. It's Tuesday. School is back. And also, autumn is almost out. Winter is coming. I kind of dislike winter. It's not just because it's chilling cold and frozen and brings snow storms, it's also because it's all gray sky almost all season long. The surroundings are always gloomy because of the thick ashen clouds endlessly blanketing the skies. I hate gloominess. It drags my spirits down. Well, Iām still glad that the thickest of my clothes are now ready. I arranged it down in the drawers of the closet last week since late autumn has been numbing my skin since it arrived.Anyway, last night, Ryle didn't stay in. He told me he'd got something to do for this day at the university, so I was left alone in my room, cold and missing his warmth, but aside from that, I was thankful for him. We had a great night. I enjoyed his company ā I always have ā because we shared our stories. I didn't know we had a lot in common. Both of our lives have been problematic for a long time. I s
My heartbeat begins to hasten when Ryle pulls his car into the parking lot. I don't really know what feel. I can sense that this will be shocking to Mom, or even overwhelming. I totally don't know if this is a good idea. I mean, I idolize Ryle for being up for something big like this, introducing himself to Mom. It just doesn't feel real. He's serious about this, I know, but Iām just overwhelmed . . . as Mom would highly be later. What am I going to tell her? Sheāll surely ask me why I didn't tell her about this. Well, Iāll just put my faith in fate, hoping everything goes well.I don't know weāve been sitting in silence until Ryle squeezes my hand with his. He looks at me with such affection and then just smiles confidently. āYou're nervous, baby,ā he tells me.Well, I am. I bet I obviously look like Iām being anxious here. What can I do? This is a big step in our relationship. I mean, never mind. I can't put it into words. I guess Iām just going to suffer from this nervousness until
After my shift at the restaurant, I wait for Ryle to come to drive me back to the apartment. It's been a tiring day. Earlier in school, we were exhausted from working on group projects and pop quizzes popping out of nowhere. It's really graduating time. Classes are getting more difficult to handle, I mean the topics. But, what kind of bothers me right now is that I still don't know what degree to take, or what university to enter. Iām still dubious about what Iāve been thinking to get ā education. It's not bad, is it? But Iām still going to rethink and rethink.I finally hear Ryleās sports bike nearing. I pocket my phone and then cross my arms as I wait. When he slows down toward me, I smile at how cheerful his face is. Why does he keep doing this to me? Whenever I see him smile, my heart suddenly melts. I always feel like his sweet lips arching is the remedy to the stress I get from day to day. There's just something in his smile that tells me everything is going to be just fine. His
Today is a new day. This is the happiest Thursday thatās ever come to my life. All of the sacrifices and hard work are now paid off. But, it's Ryle's help that almost put Mom out of the hospital. Despite that, Iām still proud of myself for going through shit and getting out of them before my sanity goes off. Iāve been independent for some time, I know. It's because of the pain the past houses. But, it's all over now. I'm over pain. Iām all now in happiness, peace, and comfort. What the past has taught me is that when life gives you a mess, expect a bigger mess. However, when you get out of that mess, you surely will as well get out of the bigger one.Iāve been awake since four in the early morning since Iām doing my homework I forgot to do last night. Well, last night was fun. I can't put the blame on myself for not doing homework. It was a celebration last night. All I did was relish the moment of Mom being free from the shackles of pain at last. Maybe not all the pain is gone, but th
It's already lunch. Iām sitting alone at a table, eating whatever is on my tray. I really didn't pick these. Reign did. I was rechecking our team output for Chemistry in the classroom so I told her āJust grab me whatever you think Iād like,ā and she didn't fail. She's currently sitting with her girlfriends. She invites me to join them, but I tell her I need to review for Math while filling in my stomach. I hope she knows Iām not as brainy in Math as she naturally is.Anyway, in the following minutes, all Iāve done is sigh and yawn in front of the Trigonometry section of the textbook. It feels like nothing is coming into my mind but void and void. The topic isn't that difficult to grasp. Iām just the problem. I kind of lack the appropriate motive to face a book and write essays since Lester dropped me off. His words have been reverberating in my mind, and I can't find a way to block them. I'm aware that it totally is unhealthy, but overthinking is enveloping every corner of my brain, ag
It's been already an hour and a half, but the number of guests hasn't shrunk or snowballed. Whenever a table gets vacant, there will be another set of guests that enters the restaurant. It's quite tiring serving and socializing in this overwhelming crowd of public figures, businessmen, and rich people, but that also means the money is coming in abundantly. The tips are amazing as well. Of course, they will be. The restaurant is well-known to house great crew service, respondent management, and authentic, showstopping Italian dishes. The whole place really is a temporary hearth to those who want to fill their stomach after daily drudging workloads. I feel them though. I know how they feel at nights and weekends.After cleaning up a table, a group of four businessmen immediately takes the seats. As I raise my sight on them, I recognize that Ryle's father is one of them. Mister Rusco Andreyev is here. He gives me a quick nod and smiles before scanning through the menu. At this time, I don
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A new morning rises. It's Saturday and the day is fully packed for me. First, Iāll be at the art studio to finish up a project I left last Sunday. Second, Iāll go to the address Mister Fabio gave me. There isn't a schedule or what, so I'll just go after lunch. I still don't know what to expect. I guess Iāll just let fate do its thing. And last but not least, Iām going to Ryleās house in the early evening. It's time to face him, whether he likes it or not. But Iād like the earlier more.After slipping into my slippers, I excitedly get out of the room. I immediately smell the breakfast Mom has prepared. I go to the dining room and find Mom stirring her tea while listening to the faint broadcast on her old radio. āGood morning, Mom,ā I greet before giving her a tight embrace. āHow are you feeling?āShe smiles after turning the radio off. āIāve been good lately. No side effects from medication. My stitches have already healed. Everything is fine,ā she says. She stands up. āIāll just make
When I open my still-hurting eyes, I find myself lying on Mom's hospital bed. She's seated by me, a magazine in her hands. She casually flips pages until she notices me yawning. "It's breezy all day long," she says.I sit straight and then look at her but still lost in thoughts. "Yeah. Good morning," I say before getting off the bed. I sit down on a stool and then smell a strong aroma ā coffee. I turn my head around and eventually see the trail of smoke, leading my eyes to two cups of coffee on the table."Take one, sweetheart," Mom orders.I obey. It's coffee. Everything caffeinated is life nowadays. As warmth goes down my freezing insides, satisfaction is what I feel. Coffee really makes me pleased."Good, isn't it?" Mom queries.I nod in agreement. It's coffee, so it has to be good."Just give me the signal if you're comfortable already to talk about it, the reason that made you sob last night," she says, reaching for her cup."How did I get onto your bed?" I change the topic unint
Iāve almost gotten out of my room when I look back at my charging phone. I sit on my bed and the plugged my charger out. I look at Ryle's number before finally hitting the āCallā button. While my phone is ringing, Iām thinking of what Iām going to tell him. I shouldn't sound that curious even though I've actually been since the other night. He's my boyfriend, and I'm his girlfriend. He deserves space, and I do deserve why he needs one, or so I thoughy. He shouldn't be doing this alone. He can share to me what's going on because I hate myself sitting on the mattres and overthinking things.
It's already lunch. Iām sitting alone at a table, eating whatever it is on my tray. I really didn't pick these. Reign did. I was rechecking our team output for Chemistry in the classroom so I told her āJust grab me whatever you think Iād like,ā and she didn't fail. She's currently sitting with her girlfriends. She invites me to join them, but I tell her I need to review for Math while filling in my stomach. I hope she knows Iām not as brainy in Math as she naturally is.Anyway, in the following minutes, all Iāve done is sigh and yawn in front of the Trigonometry section of the textbook. It feels like nothing is coming into my mind but void and void. The topic isn't that difficult to grasp. Iām just the problem. I kind of lack appropriate motive to face a book and write essays since Lester dropped me off. His words have been reverberating in my mind, and I can't find a way how to block them. I'm aware that it totally is unhealthy, but overthinking is enveloping every corner of my brain
When I open my still-hurting eyes, I find myself lying on Mom's hospital bed. She's seated by me, a magazine in her hands. She casually flips pages until she notices me yawning. "It's breezy all day long," she says.I sit straight and then look at her but still lost in thoughts. "Yeah. Good morning," I say before getting off the bed. I sit down on a stool and then smell a strong aroma ā coffee. I turn my head around and eventually see the trail of smoke, leading my eyes to two cups of coffee on the table."Take one, sweetheart," Mom orders.I obey. It's coffee. Everything caffeinated is life nowadays. As warmth goes down my freezing insides, satisfaction is what I feel. Coffee really makes me pleased."Good, isn't it?" Mom queries.I nod in agreement. It's coffee, so it has to be good."Just give me the signal if you're comfortable already to talk about it, the reason that made you sob last night," she says, reaching for her cup."How did I get onto your bed?" I change the topic unint
When I open my still-hurting eyes, I find myself lying on Mom's hospital bed. She's seated by me, a magazine in her hands. She casually flips pages until she notices me yawning. "It's breezy all day long," she says.I sit straight and then look at her but still lost in thoughts. "Yeah. Good morning," I say before getting off the bed. I sit down on a stool and then smell a strong aroma ā coffee. I turn my head around and eventually see the trail of smoke, leading my eyes to two cups of coffee on the table."Take one, sweetheart," Mom orders.I obey. It's coffee. Everything caffeinated is life nowadays. As warmth goes down my freezing insides, satisfaction is what I feel. Coffee really makes me pleased."Good, isn't it?" Mom queries.I nod in agreement. It's coffee, so it has to be good."Just give me the signal if you're comfortable already to talk about it, the reason that made you sob last night," she says, reaching for her cup."How did I get onto your bed?" I change the topic unint
Iāve almost gotten out of my room when I look back at my charging phone. I sit on my bed and the plugged my charger out. I look at Ryle's number before finally hitting the āCallā button. While my phone is ringing, Iām thinking of what Iām going to tell him. I shouldn't sound that curious even though I've actually been since the other night. He's my boyfriend, and I'm his girlfriend. He deserves space, and I do deserve why he needs one, or so I thoughy. He shouldn't be doing this alone. He can share to me what's going on because I hate myself sitting on the mattres and overthinking things.
āMom told me about it the day after I acted like a dick to you,ā Ryle says sorrily, sincerity evident in his eyes. āIām so sorry, Stella. I truly am.āI cup his cheeks and then sweetly kiss one of them. āI know the truth now, Ryle. Iām not mad anymore.ā I then smile.He bitterly beams and stays silent for some seconds before speaking again. āIāve only wanted us to get through this bullshit. I may not deserve you, but you deserve pure love, Stella. Iāll give it to you in any way whatever.āāRyle.ā I stand up, pulling him up as well. I wrap my arms around his broad trunk and then lean my head against his chest. His heartbeats are music to my ears. They calm me. I look back up at Ryle and just smile, my chin on the very center of his chest. āWe deserve each other, Ryle. I want us to through this together. Never alone. My future is right in front of me. Iāll never let it go anymore. Ever,ā I calmly say.He puts a peck on the tip of my nose and then replies, āI love you so much, baby. Iāll