Chapter 4 - Confused

Zelena.

“It’s okay” Gunner said softly, bending over to pick up my spare jumper.

“Follow me” he turned around and started walking slowly down the hall. He paused and looked back at me to see if I was following. He smiled. A big toothy grin that covered the bottom half of his face. Oh my goodness, that smile. Everything inside me melted. My fear and panic just slipped away. I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I felt safe. I nodded again and closed my locker. I trailed off behind him as he led me to his locker in the next hall. He looked at me again and smiled. I dropped my head letting my hair fall over my face. He opened his locker and pulled out a greyish blue bandanna, holding it up for me to see.

“May I?” he asked, gesturing to my hand that I was still holding up to my chest. I looked down at my hand and looked at the bandanna. I glanced up at his face, he was still smiling. So, I nodded and held out my hand. He slowly placed my jumper over my shoulder and I resisted the urge to flinch at his movements, then he carefully began to wrap his bandanna around the cut on my hand.

If only he knew how insignificant this tiny cut is. If only he knew the thrashings and lashings that I get at home. This small little cut is nothing. I have scars and slashes all over my back and stomach from beatings way worse than this tiny little scratch. If only he knew. But I have never had someone offer to help me before, I've never had someone even be remotely nice to me before. Why do I feel so comfortable with his hands on mine? I've never liked being touched, though I've never had someone touch me so soft and gently, not like this.

He tied the ends of the bandanna together to keep it from coming off. I let my hand rest in the palm of his hand. It looked so tiny sitting there like that. I looked so tiny standing next to him. I've always been small framed, but that could just come down to being malnourished. I like to think that I'm a little like my mother, but I don’t remember what she looks like, so I wouldn’t know for sure.

I could feel his eyes on me as I stared at our hands together. He gently rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand. It all felt so intimate. My body relaxed and that same warmth I felt before spread through my arms and legs. I still didn’t completely understand it. Why would anyone who looks like him, care about someone like me?

The surprise of the bell ringing made me jump. I pulled my hand from his and crossed my arms in front of my body. The hallway got louder as people started making their way to their next class.

“Gunner, we gotta go” I heard Cole say behind the big, beautiful man. I glanced around his massive frame and saw both Cole and Smith were standing there. I hadn’t even noticed them there before. Were they there the whole time, did they see my stupid clumsy accident? Oh, how embarrassing. The beautiful boy crouched down slightly to be closer to my face and whispered loud enough for me to hear over the noise of the hallway,

“My name’s Gunner” he said. I leaned back a little, scared of his sudden closeness to me. He stood up straight again and tilted his head to the side slightly.

“Can I see you after school?”

No. This is just a dream, surely it is. Maybe that beating last night was worse than I thought. Maybe I'm unconscious on the basement floor and this is all just happening in my head. There is no way on earth that this person wants to spend time with me. Not me. No way. I shook my head a little, not looking at his face.

“Hmph” he groaned unmoving,

“I’ll see you later” he said confidently and then he turned and walked away.

I leaned back on the locker behind me and tried to catch a breath. As he disappeared from view, I could feel the same lonely darkness creep back into my chest. I quickly changed out my jumpers, shoving the sticky juice soaked one back into my locker, then I put my head down and shuffled off to my next class.

The rest of the day dragged on and on. After what felt like days, the final bell rang at last. As usual, I very slowly gathered my things, waiting for the majority of the kids to clear out before I made my way to my locker. The longer I wait the fewer people I have to see. And I like it that way.

I walked out the doors and there he was. Gunner. Leaning against the fence, arms crossed in front of him, and one knee bent up with his foot resting on the fence. Ugh, he is perfection. He was laughing and talking with Cole and Smith. Jeez, they were inseparable. What were they still doing here anyway? Everyone else had gone already. So, what were they waiting for?

Gunner turned his head and saw me at the door. He quickly stood up off the fence and turned to face me with a half-smile across his face. Cole and Smith were looking at me as well. Smith was again doing his wiggle finger wave. I bowed my head and headed for the gate.