Chapter 4

ESSENCE

I turned and ran back to my room.

I didn’t stop until I was face-down on my bed, crying my heart out.

At some point, I slid down to the floor. I sat there for hours, my back against the bed, my face streaked with tears. I wasn’t just crying over what I saw, I was mourning everything.

All of it.

I thought back to how it started. How I met Alex. He was in a wheelchair back then. An accident had left him paralyzed, but he still showed up to support kids at the orphanage.

I was there, too. I had lived a few years of my life in that same orphanage. I understood those kids better than anyone.

That was where we met.

I had just started my company with my best friends, Hailey and Sky.

Life was good. It was mine. Until we fell in love.

Alex proposed, and I said yes. I was a size twenty-two even then, but he never complained, he loved me that way.

And I believed him.

After we got married, I found out he could walk again, if he had surgery. But it was expensive... very expensive.

I pulled all my money out of the business. Hailey and Sky were furious. It wrecked our partnership. But I chose Alex. I chose us.

I funded the surgery and he walked again. I gave him what was left of the money and he quit his job and started his own company.

With my money.

But we were happy and so in love. He made promises. So many promises. When I got pregnant, he told me to quit working. Said he’d take care of everything. Said I should focus on the family.

And I did.

During childbirth, there were complications. The doctors told him they could only save me or the baby.

He chose me.

“I can’t live without you,” he cried at my bedside. “You’re my one and only.”

But a few years later, the same man told me:

“Your stretch marks are gross. Cover them up.”

“She’s a size eight. You? You’re fat. A goddamn twenty-two.”

“The day you become a size eight, I’ll stop being ashamed to be seen with you.”

It was all a lie. Everything.

And now, there was nothing left to fight for. But I still loved him. God help me, I did.

I gave up my career. I gave up my friends. My adopted family cut me off. Hailey and Sky stopped speaking to me. My stepsister hated me.

And now the only family I had left had turned their backs on me.

What was I supposed to do?

Where was I supposed to go?

I didn’t know how long I sat there before sleep finally dragged me under.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. Again. But this time, I didn’t have the strength to go to the gym.

What was the point? After showering, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling,thinking.

Until I heard a knock on my door.

Alex walked in.

For a second, I thought I was dreaming.

He hadn’t set foot in our room since he moved out more than two years ago.

“What do you want?” I asked, sitting up.

He looked uncomfortable.

Guilty.

Did he know I saw him last night?

He stood there, struggling for words. His eyes darted to the calendar hanging on the wall. He walked over, staring at the date, and then he smiled.

“It’s today! You even marked it.”

I frowned. “What’s today?”

He turned to me, excitement lighting up his face like we were teenagers again.

“Essy, don’t you remember? After our first anniversary, we went to Lovers’ Hill. We wrote about our love for each other. We promised we’d come back after our tenth anniversary and have dinner at the same restaurant.

You marked it here,” he said, tapping the calendar.

“It’s today.”

I just stared at him.

Was this real?

Was he messing with me?

“Let’s go,” he said. “Just the two of us. Like old times.”

He smiled that old smile.

“That red dress I love, you should wear it. It makes you look outstanding. And the silver shoes you love.”

I almost blurted out that I hated those shoes. They were too high. They hurt like hell. I only wore them because he liked them.

But I bit my tongue.

Maybe I should go.

Maybe I should forget last night. Maybe Remi seduced him. Maybe this was his way of making it up to me.

It was the first time in years he made an effort. Maybe this was my chance to talk to him and tell him everything I’d bottled up inside.

I nodded slowly. “Fine. Just the two of us.”

He smiled again. “Just the two of us.”

Then he left.

I spent the morning cleaning. Somehow, Vesper had spent the night again. No surprise there. She was always here, whispering poison into my husband’s ear and turning Asher against me.

At breakfast, I sat at the dining table with all of them.

Remi sat beside Alex like she belonged there.

I looked at Alex, then Remi. “Alex, when is Remi leaving our house?”

The room went silent. Forks stopped halfway to mouths. All eyes turned to me like I’d grown horns.

“What?” I shrugged. “Is it not shameful for a single woman to keep spending the night in a married man’s house when she's not related to him, and has her own house?”

“Stop it, Essy,” Asher snapped. “She’s not going anywhere. You should be the one to leave.”

I stared at him.

My son.

The boy I almost died giving birth to.

“I agree,” Vesper chimed in. “What is your usefulness here anyway? All you do is eat and sleep and spend my brother’s hard-earned money. You’re dead weight. A fat cow.”

I opened my mouth....

But Alex slammed his hands on the table.

“Enough!” he barked. “Everyone shut up and eat.”

I said nothing more. Later, when we were alone, that would be the best time to air out all my grievances.

The day passed in a blur. At 6:30, I was dressed and ready.

The red dress.

The silver shoes.

I’d tied my hair the way he liked.

I walked to the living room. Remi was there and so was Vesper and Asher. All of them dressed like they were going somewhere special.

Alex stood.

“It’s almost time,” he said. “Let’s go.”

I blinked. “Hold on. What’s going on here?”

He faced me and sighed. “Remi’s never been to Lovers’ Hill. She wants to see it. Vesper and Asher are curious too. The more, the merrier, right?”

I stared at him.

At them.

And I smiled.

Because if I didn’t, I’d scream.

But the more, the merrier was not the plan. Not tonight.