10| My biggest fear

LISA

My hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

Even after Brian left for the hospital, my fingers still twitched like they remembered every word he said.

“ People who do that… they deserve consequences.”

Consequences.

Punishment.

I wrapped the blanket tighter around myself and buried my face into it.

He had no idea

No idea I did it.

How will he react if he ever finds out I got pregnant illegally to get Adrian back.

He’ll hate me for being that desperate…

If he finds out…. He’ll leave me too… just like Adrian

No!

No!

Nooooo!

God.

My stomach twisted so bad I thought I’d throw up.

I didn’t mean to…

All I wanted was to trap Adrian, so he’ll want be back. Brian wasn’t part of the plan…

And Brian?

Gosh!!

I pressed a hand to my stomach, trembling.

It was small.

Barely a few weeks.

“Should I abort it… “

“ No no no… it’ll even make matters worse “

I ran my hands on my hair clearly confused.

I should have just forgotten Adrian… I wouldn’t have been in such deep shit!!!

“ Raya… yes Raya… she’s my brain in a time like this.” I said grabbing my phone, my hands freezing as the heater in my room was having some kind of issues.

I dialed Raya.

It rang once.

Twice.

Then….

“Girl… you never call me before noon. Who died?”Raya’s groggy voice mumbled.

I sniffed. “Maybe me.”

That woke her up instantly.

“Lisa? Honey…. what happened?”

I took a shaky breath.

“Brian hates me….. ohh gush… what am I even saying “

“… calm babes what the hell did you do?”

“Nothing!”

Then, quieter, “Everything.”

Raya sighed. “Okay… start from the beginning. Slowly. You sound like a dying cat.”

I wiped my nose with my sleeve like a child.

“We were drinking coffee… and he got a call… from the hospital. Some girl came in infected because she tried to get pregnant without consent…”

“Ah. That crime.”

“He hates it, Raya. He hates people who do that. He said it’s stupid and illegal and they deserve consequences.”

Silence.

Gosh she’s silent!!!

Then Raya whispered, almost scared:

“…Lisa. You didn’t tell him, right?”

I hugged my stomach.

“I can’t tell him. Not yet…”

“Because you’re pregnant with Adrian’s kid.”

My lip wobbled. “Yeah.”

“And you think you’re infected?”

“Raya, what if I am?” My voice cracked. “What if everything is falling apart and I can’t even breathe near the man who’s been helping me?”

“Okay, okay. Listen.” Raya switched fully into big-sister mode. “Get dressed. We’re meeting in twenty minutes. I’m taking you to Northline Hospital. No one there knows Brian. We’ll run the test.”

I hesitated. “It’s snowing.”

“I don’t care. Put on three jackets. I’m on the way.”

I hung up and forced myself to move.

Oversized sweater.

Thick leggings.

Boots.

Brian’s scarf by accident… well, maybe not accident, but I didn’t remove it.

I stepped outside.

The winter wind chilled my face.

“Great,” I muttered. “Perfect day to panic.”

***AT THE SECOND HOSPITAL***

Raya drove like she stole the car.

She’s always been a reckless driver

“Calm down Raya… don’t kill my child before it’s time,” I muttered, clinging to the seatbelt.

“Calm down? Girl, you’re pregnant with Adrian’s child. If it dies nothing happens.” She laughed.

I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

She glanced at me. “Lisa… you’re sure the condom wasn’t…”

“I didn’t poke holes in it!” I snapped, then deflated. “I didn’t even touch it. I found out later it had expired. That’s it.”

“But Adrian won’t believe that.”

“I know…”

We reached Northline Hospital.

It was calm with Christmas decorations everywhere.

***********

Raya held my hand while the nurse drew my blood.

“You’ll be fine,” she said quietly.

I nodded, even though I didn’t believe myself.

Minutes went by and my leg wouldn’t stop bouncing.

Then the nurse returned with a smile.

“ You tested negative. No infection detected.”

I exhaled so hard I almost fainted.

Raya rubbed my back. “See? You’re okay. Baby’s okay.”

Baby.

God.

Hearing the word made my heart twist in a way I wasn’t ready for.

“Can we… go somewhere?” I whispered. “My blood is still boiling. I need to chill it.”

Raya grinned. “Where? Ice skating? Crying in the snow? Beating up Adrian?”

I shook my head.

“…Aquarium.”

She blinked. “The aquarium? In this weather?”

“I want to watch fish. They’re calm. They won’t judge me at least” I sniffed.

She laughed. “Alright, fish therapy it is.”

**THE AQUARIUM**

I dusted the snow on my jacket as we stepped in.

I pressed my palm to the glass as a huge jellyfish floated by, glowing softly.

Everything underwater moved slowly. It was really what I needed.

I wished my brain worked like that.

Raya leaned on the railing. “Feeling better?”

“A little.”

“Thinking about Brian?”

I flinched. “…Maybe.”

“You like him.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

I sighed, watching tiny neon fish swim in circles.

“He’d hate me if he knew.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. You don’t know him as well as you think.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t see his face. Raya, he looked like he wanted to strangle whoever did it. And if he knew it was me…”

“He wouldn’t hurt you.”

“I know that. But he wouldn’t look at me the same. And I… I like how he looks at me now.”

Raya smirked. “Ah. So that’s the real problem.”

“Shut up.”

“Nope. I’m right.” She nudged me. “You’ve never felt this safe with anyone before. So losing it scares you.”

I swallowed hard.

“Yeah,” I whispered. “It does.”

A shark glided past the glass, slow and deadly.

It reminded me too much of Adrian.

Raya’s voice softened. “What are you going to do?”

I hugged Brian’s scarf around my neck.

“I don’t know yet.”

I turned to walk out of the aquarium feeling a bit better, only to see him……