Always Almost Married

Today marked my fifth anniversary with Jaxon. It was also the fifteenth time we had scheduled a trip to City Hall to get officially married.

We had agreed to meet at noon at his favorite restaurant, have lunch, then go together.

I wrapped up my work and arrived on time. That was when I saw them. A crowd filled the space, loud and scattered across the dining room.

I paused in the doorway. Something tightened in my chest.

I looked at Jaxon and waited for an explanation.

"Anna, you're here." He spotted me and waved. "Lisa closed a big deal today. Everyone wanted to celebrate, but they couldn't get a reservation anywhere, so I brought them all here. More people, more fun, right?"

The pressure in my chest deepened. I had spent half a month securing that reservation. The entire city of Avella had only one restaurant that served the Suverian-style dishes Jaxon loved, and I had wanted to give him the most perfect anniversary we had ever had.

He did not seem to notice.

"Hey, Annabelle!" Lisa Clark, Jaxon's coworker, smiled at me from his side. "I really didn't want to crash your date, but Jax insisted on celebrating for me. You're not mad, are you?"

I shook my head and pushed the hurt somewhere quieter. "Of course not."

"Then sit down!" Lisa said brightly, but she made no move to offer me the seat beside Jaxon.

I took the one across from them.

"Jax, this piece is too fatty. I don't want it." Lisa pouted and pushed the meat aside.

Without a word, Jaxon reached over, picked up the half-eaten piece from her plate, and put it in his mouth. He did not even glance up. He did it with the ease of habit.

I sat very still.

Jaxon would not share a glass of water with me after I had drunk from it. I had learned that early on. Now he ate food she had already bitten into without hesitation.

My appetite vanished. I stared at the spread in front of me and felt nothing. He did not notice that either.

My stomach already churned, but I kept drinking for him, downing one glass of beer after another. I knew alcohol brought out red rashes on his skin and left him bloated. He could not handle it.

At some point, I slipped away to the bathroom and got sick twice. When I returned, Jaxon had taken Lisa's glass from her hand.

She had said, "Jax, I'm feeling a little dizzy."

He stepped in without hesitation and drank everything that came her way for the rest of the night.

I watched from across the table. A bitter smile tugged at the corner of my mouth before I could stop it.

I could not tell which one of us was his life partner.

What I did notice was how several of his coworkers glanced at me with pity. I had no interest in decoding it.

The dinner dragged on before it finally ended.

Jaxon seemed to forget I existed. He stayed close to Lisa and guided her toward the exit, one hand steady at her side.

I watched him near the door and forced myself to speak. "Jax. You promised we'd go to City Hall today."

He stopped and turned back. His face filled with apology.

Then Lisa said, "Jax, I feel so dizzy and cold. I don't feel well at all."

She clung to his arm, as if she had no intention of letting go.

Jaxon draped his jacket over her shoulders. Then he looked at me. "Annabelle, give me a little while. I'll drop Lisa off and meet you at City Hall. I won't be long."

He flagged down a cab and left.

I stood on the curb and watched the taxi until it disappeared.

I was cold too. The skin on my arms had turned red from the chill, but Jaxon had not noticed.

I waited outside city hall for a long time. The sky darkened. Jaxon never came.

"Today makes it fifteen times…"

Every single one had ended the same way, broken because of Lisa.

Standing there in the dark, something inside me went still. If it was never going to happen, then maybe it should not happen at all.