CHAPTER FOUR: WHEN DREAMS TURN DARK

LAILA

I sat in my room all afternoon, staring out the window. I could see other pack members walking around outside. They looked happy, normal. I wish I could be like them.

My stomach growled loudly. I hadn't eaten anything all day because I was too scared to go back to the kitchen.

What if I made another mess? What if Damien came home and found me doing something wrong?

I touched my bruised face again. It was getting worse because I've not been able to heal properly for a while now. It felt like my strength and healing ability was being drained away.

Soon everyone would see it and know what happened but I would have to lie and say I fell down the stairs, just like Damien told me to.

As the sun got lower in the sky, I started thinking about three months ago. That was when I first met Damien. Back then, I thought he was wonderful.

-Flashback of Two years ago-

I remember standing at the edge of the dance floor at the Spring Moon Festival.

All the young wolves who didn't have mates yet were supposed to dance and meet each other but I was too shy and scared.

"You should dance," my friend Sarah had said. "Maybe you'll find your mate tonight!"

I shook my head. "No one would want to dance with me. I can't even shift into my wolf form yet."

"That doesn't matter," Sarah said kindly. "The right person will love you just the way you are."

I didn't believe her, but I smiled anyway and that's when I saw him. Damien was the most handsome boy at the whole festival.

He had thick brown hair and warm brown eyes. He was tall and strong, and when he smiled, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

He was dancing with different girls and they all looked so happy to be with him. I wished I was brave enough to dance too, but I just watched from far away.

As I was thinking about my inability to shift, Damien looked across the room and we stared at each other. My heart was beating so fast. He stopped dancing and walked straight toward me.

"Hi," he said, and his voice was like music. "I'm Damien."

"I-I know," I stuttered. "I'm Laila."

"Laila," he repeated, like my name was something beautiful.

"That's a pretty name for a pretty girl." He whispered and I felt my face get red. No one had ever called me pretty before.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked, holding out his hand.

I looked at his hand, then at his kind face. "I'm not a very good dancer," I warned him before placing my hand in his.

"That's okay," Damien said with a big smile. "I'll teach you."

We danced for hours. Damien was patient when I stepped on his feet.

He laughed in a nice way when I got confused about which way to turn. He made me feel special and wanted.

When the music stopped, we sat outside under the stars."I have to tell you something," Damien said, looking serious.My heart jumped.

"What?"

"I think... I think you might be my mate," he said softly.I felt like I was flying.

"Really?"

"Really. I felt something special when I first saw you. Like my heart recognized you."

Damien took my hand gently. "Did you feel it too?" I nodded. I had felt something, like a warm glow in my chest.

"But are you sure? I can't shift yet. I might be broken."

"You're not broken," Damien said firmly. "You're perfect. Your wolf will come when she's ready. And even if she never comes, I would still want you."

Tears of happiness filled my eyes. "I can't believe someone like you would want someone like me."

"Someone like me?" Damien asked.

"You're so handsome and the next Beta of our pack. You could have any girl you want."

Damien cupped my face in his hands, so gently. "But I don't want any other girl. I want you, Laila. Only you."

Then he kissed me, soft and sweet under the moonlight. It was my first kiss, and it was perfect.

"I'll take care of you," Damien whispered against my lips. "I'll protect you and love you forever. You never have to worry about anything again."

I believed him. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world during our mating and coronation ceremony.

-End of Flashback of two years ago-

Now I sat in my room with a bruised face and coffee burns on my arms, wondering what happened to that kind, gentle boy who had danced with me under the stars.

When did his sweet words turn mean? When did his gentle touches turn into hits? When did his promise to protect me turn into threats?

I tried to remember when things changed, but it was hard.

It happened slowly, like how the sun goes down a little bit each day until suddenly it's dark.

At first, Damien was still nice most of the time but sometimes he would get frustrated with me for small things.

He would say things like, "Why can't you try harder to shift?" or "Other mates don't have this problem."

I thought he was just worried about me. I thought he wanted to help but then the criticism got worse.

He started calling me lazy and stupid when I couldn't shift. He said I was embarrassing him in front of his friends.

He said I needed to try harder to be a good mate. I tried so hard to make him happy. I cooked his favorite foods. I cleaned our house until it sparkled.

I practiced shifting every night until I collapsed from exhaustion but nothing I did was ever good enough. The first time he hit me was close to a year ago.

I had burned his dinner because I was so tired from practicing my shifting all night. He slapped me across the face and said it was my fault for being careless.

Afterward, he cried and said he was sorry. He said he loved me so much that it made him crazy when I messed up. He bought me flowers and promised never to hurt me again.

But he did hurt me again and again and each time, he said it was because he loved me.

He said if I was a better mate, he wouldn't have to discipline me. Soon, I started to believe him.

Maybe this was what love looked like. Maybe I really was lucky that someone like Damien wanted someone like me, even if I was broken.

Then I remembered what Alpha Kieran had said last night.

"A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf."

Could that be true? Were there really mates out there who never hit or yelled or said mean things?

I thought about how Damien used to be. Sweet and gentle and kind. That boy felt like a dream now. Like someone I made up in my head.

My stomach growled again, reminding me that I still hadn't eaten. I was scared to go downstairs, but I was so hungry it hurt.

I crept down to the kitchen quietly. I made a small sandwich and ate it quickly, afraid Damien might come home and find me eating without permission.

As I washed my plate, I looked out the window toward the forest. Somewhere out there was the place where the Alpha with silver eyes had saved me from Damien's anger.

I wondered if he was still in our territory. I wondered if he ever thought about the scared girl he helped by the river.

Probably not.

He was important and powerful. I was just a broken wolf who couldn't even shift but still, I found myself wishing I could see those kind silver eyes again.

Just once and somehow I'd be fine. I didn't even know why I thought that way, I just did.

I finished cleaning and went back to my room, tended my wounds as I listened to the voices of the pack members at the pack house as they drifted in the wind.

As I lay in bed that night, I thought about the boy who used to dance with me under the stars, and I wondered if I would ever find my way back to that feeling of being loved and protected.

The tiny voice inside me whispered:

"Maybe that wasn't real love at all."

For the first time I didn't try to make it go away.