CHAPTER TWENTY: KIERAN'S ANGER

After the confrontation with Elena and reading Damien's threatening letter, I spent the rest of the day hiding in my room.

I couldn't face anyone, couldn't pretend that everything was okay when my entire world felt like it was falling apart.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw three different images: the young warrior who died because I was too cowardly to help him, Damien's cruel face promising to come for me, and Elena's angry expression as she told me I was weak and dangerous.

Maybe she was right.

Maybe I was bringing nothing but trouble to everyone around me.

There was a knock on my door around dinner time.

"Laila?"

It was Kieran's voice, gentle but concerned.

"You missed lunch and now dinner. Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm not hungry," I called back, not wanting to open the door.

"Can I come in? We need to talk."

I didn't want to talk, but I knew Kieran wouldn't give up easily.

I opened the door but immediately went back to sitting on my bed, hugging my knees to my chest.

Kieran entered and closed the door behind him.

When he saw my red, puffy eyes and defensive posture, his expression grew worried.

"Laila, what's wrong?" he asked, sitting in the chair by my window.

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"I'm just tired."

"It's not nothing," Kieran said firmly.

"You've been acting strange for days, even before Damien's letter arrived today. Something is bothering you, and I want to help."

I looked down at my hands, not wanting to meet his eyes.

How could I tell him about overhearing the pack members calling me a charity case?

How could I admit that I'd let someone die because I was too scared to reveal my abilities?

How could I explain that Elena was right about me being weak and worthless?

"I'm fine," I lied.

"No, you're not fine,"

Kieran said, his voice getting a little sharper.

"Laila, I can see that you're upset about something more than just Damien's threats. What is it?"

"I told you, it's nothing."

Kieran stood up and walked closer to me, his silver eyes searching my face.

"Laila, we've talked about this before. You don't have to handle everything alone. If something is wrong, I want to help you fix it."

"You can't fix this," I said quietly.

"How do you know that if you won't tell me what 'this' is?"

I shook my head, still not looking at him.

"Some things can't be fixed, Kieran. Some people are just... broken."

"You're not broken," Kieran said immediately.

"Yes, I am,"

I said, finally looking up at him with tears in my eyes.

"I'm exactly what everyone says I am. I'm weak, I'm a burden, I cause problems for everyone around me."

"Who told you that?"

Kieran demanded, his voice getting angry.

"It doesn't matter who told me. It's true."

"It's not true," Kieran said firmly.

"Laila, someone has been filling your head with lies and I want to know who."

"Nobody filled my head with anything,"

I said, getting defensive.

"I can see the truth for myself."

"What truth? What are you talking about?"

I looked away again, not wanting to explain.

How could I tell him about all my failures without admitting to the abilities I'd been hiding?

"Laila,"

Kieran said, his voice getting more frustrated,

"I'm trying to help you, but you have to let me. You have to tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong that you can fix," I repeated stubbornly.

"Let me be the judge of that," Kieran said.

"Just tell me what's bothering you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because!"

I said, raising my voice for the first time.

"Because you can't fix everything, Kieran! You can't make me not be a half-breed! You can't make me able to shift! You can't make me worthy of being here!"

"You are worthy of being here,"

Kieran said, his own voice getting louder.

"No, I'm not!" I shouted back.

"Everyone knows it! Your pack members know it, Elena knows it, even I know it! I don't belong here and pretending that I do is just making everything worse!"

"That's not true," Kieran said angrily.

"Who told you that you don't belong here? I want names, Laila."

"It doesn't matter who said it!"

"It does matter!"

Kieran's voice was getting very loud now, his silver eyes flashing with anger.

"Someone has been poisoning your mind against yourself and against this pack, and I want to know who!"

"Why?" I challenged.

"So you can punish them for telling the truth?"

"Because they're not telling the truth!" Kieran roared.

"They're lying to you, and you're believing them instead of believing me!"

"Maybe I believe them because what they're saying makes sense!"

I shouted back.

"Nothing they're saying makes sense!"

Kieran's hands were clenched into fists now and I could see he was struggling to control his temper.

"Laila, I don't know what lies people have been telling you, but—"

"They're not lies!" I interrupted.

"I am weak! I am a burden! I do cause problems!"

"Based on what evidence?" Kieran demanded.

I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it again.

I couldn't tell him about my hidden abilities without revealing everything I'd been keeping secret.

"I just... I know," I said lamely.

"That's not good enough," Kieran said, his frustration clear in his voice.

"I'm trying to help you, Laila, but you won't tell me what's wrong. You won't trust me with whatever is bothering you. How am I supposed to help you if you won't let me?"

"I never asked for your help," I said quietly.

Kieran looked like I had slapped him.

"What?"

"I never asked you to help me," I repeated.

"You decided on your own to bring me here, to protect me, to care about what happens to me. But I never asked for any of it."

"So now you're saying you don't want my help?"

Kieran asked, his voice getting dangerously quiet.

"I'm saying that maybe Elena is right,"

I said, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.

"Maybe I should leave before I cause more problems."

"Don't you dare," Kieran said, his eyes blazing.

"Don't you dare use Elena's cruel words as an excuse to run away."

"I'm not running away. I'm being practical."

"You're being a coward," Kieran said harshly.

His words hit me like a physical blow.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me,"

Kieran said, his anger finally boiling over.

"You're being a coward. Something is bothering you, but instead of trusting me enough to tell me what it is, you're using it as an excuse to run away. Again."

"I'm not a coward," I said, but my voice was shaking.

"Aren't you?" Kieran challenged.

"You ran away from your problems with Damien."

"You're hiding something from me now instead of facing it and you're talking about leaving here instead of dealing with whatever is making you feel worthless."

"If that's not cowardice, what is?"

Tears were streaming down my face now.

"You don't understand."

"Because you won't help me understand!" Kieran shouted.

"I'm trying to be patient with you, Laila, but I can't help someone who won't help themselves!"

"Fine!" I shouted back.

"Then stop trying to help me! Maybe everyone would be better off if you just let me handle my own problems!"

"Maybe they would be," Kieran said coldly.

"Maybe I'm wasting my time trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want to be helped."

The moment the words left his mouth, I could see that he regretted them.

But it was too late.

The words choked me.

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces as I stared at him in shock and pain.

"You're right," I whispered, my voice barely audible.

"You are wasting your time."

"Laila, I didn't mean—"

Kieran started, his face immediately filled with horror at what he had said.

"Yes, you did," I said, my voice breaking completely.

"And now I know exactly how you really feel about me."

I collapsed onto my bed, burying my face in my hands as sobs wracked my body.

All the pain I had been holding inside - the guilt about the young warrior, the fear of Damien's threats, Elena's cruel words, and now Kieran's confirmation that I truly was worthless - came pouring out.

"Laila, please,"

Kieran said desperately, taking a step toward me.

"I was angry. I said something terrible that I don't mean."

But I couldn't look at him.

I couldn't bear to see pity in his eyes now that he had spoken the truth about how he really saw me.

"You think I'm a waste of time," I sobbed into my hands.

"You think I'm a coward who doesn't deserve help."

"No," Kieran said, his voice full of anguish.

"That's not what I think. I was frustrated and I lashed out, but that doesn't represent how I truly feel about you."

"Then what do you truly feel?" I asked, finally looking up at him through my tears.

"Because right now I feel like everyone was right about me. I am weak, I am broken, I am worthless."

Kieran looked like he wanted to reach for me but didn't dare.

His silver eyes were filled with regret and pain.

"You are none of those things," he said quietly.

"You're hurt, and you're scared,

and you're protecting yourself the only way you know how. I understand that, even if I got frustrated with it."

"But you still think I'm wasting your time,"

I said, fresh tears falling.

"I don't think that," Kieran said firmly.

"I could never think that. Laila, you... you matter to me more than I probably should admit."

I wanted to believe him, but his harsh words kept echoing in my mind.

Maybe this was who he really was when he got angry - maybe the kind, protective Kieran was just an act.

"I think you should go," I said quietly, not trusting myself to say more.

"Laila—"

"Please," I begged, unable to look at him anymore.

"Just... please go."

Kieran stood there for a long moment, and I could feel his internal struggle.

Finally, he spoke in a voice full of remorse.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm so sorry for what I said. I don't know how to take it back, but I would if I could."

When I didn't respond, still crying into my hands, I heard his footsteps move toward the door.

"This isn't over, Laila," he said softly.

"When you're ready to talk, I'll be here. No matter how long it takes."

Then he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

I stayed curled up on my bed, crying until I had no tears left.

Kieran's words kept playing over and over in my mind:

"Maybe I'm wasting my time trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want to be helped."

Even if he said he didn't mean it, even if he apologized, the words had been said.

And deep down, I was afraid they were true.

Maybe I really was just a waste of everyone's time.

Maybe I really didn't deserve the kindness people tried to show me.

Maybe Elena was right about everything, and I was just fooling myself thinking I could belong somewhere.

As I lay there in my empty room, I felt more alone and worthless than I had since the day Damien rejected me.

But this hurt worse, because for a little while, I had actually believed that Kieran might truly care about me.

Now I knew better.

Now I knew that eventually, everyone got tired of trying to help the broken girl who couldn't be fixed.