001 Birthday and Anniversary

(Maya)

I light the candles and smooth the banner again like it matters.

Twenty-two today. And a whole year of being Mrs. Cole Vance.

Only one of the richest men in the world. And he married me!

This is our first anniversary. We married on my 21st birthday. 

I got pregnant that night too.

He couldn’t stop telling me how amazing I was and how amazing we were together, and then he took a whole month’s honeymoon showing me.

He’s older than me by ten years, but that’s not a bad thing. It means he knows what he really wants and who he really wants.

Since I had Lucy 3 months ago, well, things have been strained.

But today there’s hope. This distance is all just a silly misunderstanding. I know what I felt with Cole is real, and I know he feels it too.

Tonight, he will show me that my worry is not needed.

He called earlier and said he’d be home for dinner. Finally. 

He’s remembered it’s our special day.

It hasn’t been like this in so long, but I know it’s not all in my head.

I know what we have is real.

Vegas, the impulsive vows, the way he couldn’t stop touching me.

The honeymoon… God, the way he looked at me that whole month.

Like I was the only thing in the world worth seeing. Like he couldn’t get enough. 

That happened.

I slip on the tiny lingerie set he bought me for our wedding night, the black one, thin as air.

He loved me in it once. Maybe he’ll love me in it again. My body shivers remembering how he teased me through it. Making me beg him for satisfaction.

My first. My only. He took me to places of ecstasy I never knew could exist.

Since Lucy was born… he’s been gone more than he’s been here.

Work, meetings, and Owen, his eight-year-old son, has been sick a lot.

Always something. I tell myself it’s understandable. He has a company to run, a son who needs him.

But the bed is cold without him.

And all I hear from the other mothers is how easy it was. How their babies slept.

How they breastfed fine, or they just used a bottle.

How their husbands couldn’t keep their hands off them and their libido went through the roof with the hormones.

All the opposite of me. Lucy cries until I cry with her.

She hates feeding. I can’t get it right.

I’m exhausted and hollow, and Cole barely looks at me anymore.

Jade, Owen’s mother and Cole’s ex, used to help when Lucy was first born.

She’d hold Lucy and show me how to burp her, how to swaddle. She helped me before I gave birth. 

I’m still doing my interior design degree and she is a very successful celebrity interior designer.

Her business really took off lately, so she has less time.

Now she just shrugs. Says she needs to give me some tough love because she’s my friend. 

You need to learn for yourself. It’s not that hard. Other mothers cope.

I just keep hearing the same words. From Jade. From my mother. From Cole’s mother. From the other socialite wives.

You’ve only got one baby, some have triplets and cope. You’re putting too much pressure on Cole. Billionaires aren’t like other men.

You have to learn to be without them a lot and you have to learn how to not let that worry you.

You’re being paranoid. You need to fit in better with his lifestyle. You cannot do anything to make him look bad.

You’ve already caused a scandal marrying him, and you were his step-niece. Now you have to be perfect or they will make him divorce you.

All the opinions run in circles in my head as I light the last candle.

Maybe I have been weak. Maybe I have been failing.

But tonight is different. He called. He said he’d be home.

So I set the table. I roast the chicken and vegetables.

I pipe the frosting on the cake myself, hands shaking…

Happy Birthday, Maya. Happy Anniversary, Cole.

I just want him to be with me again. To love me and make love to me.

The sound of the key in the door makes my heart leap.

He’s home.

The door opens and the excitement and hope surge through me.

I smooth my hair and tug at the straps of the lingerie. 

Lucy is asleep in her crib. Everything is perfect. I’m not giving him a chance to reject me this time.

He’s barely inside when I rush at him, arms going around his neck.

His dark eyes take me in. His full mouth crashes down on mine, rough and urgent.

My whole body aches with relief. He remembers. He wants me.

His hands paw at me, pulling the lace aside, squeezing too hard. He groans into my mouth and turns me roughly.

Before I can catch my breath, my palms are braced against the wall, his chest pressed to my back.

“Cole—”

He doesn’t answer. His trousers are undone.

He thrusts into me without a word, without even undressing, just grunting against my shoulder until he shudders and pulls away.

My body sags, heart pounding, but not with pleasure.

I turn, ready to take it further, to invite more. But he’s already zipping his trousers, already walking away towards the bedroom.

I stand there trembling in the lingerie he once said made me unforgettable. Now I feel ridiculous.

“Cole, shhh, don’t wake her up… please.”

Too late, as he bangs the closet doors open.

The sound of Lucy crying cuts the silence. I run in there and I scoop her up, rocking her, whispering while I watch him pull shirts into a bag.

“Why are you packing? You just got home.”