Chapter 5 'Home'

ADRIANA

I sat on my bed, staring at my packed bags and listening to the music that played outside my door. That ceremony was meant to be mine. I was the one who was supposed to be celebrated, but as usual, it turned out to be Arlene Nox. She had always taken everything from and this hurt the most.

I would be leaving the pack and everyone in an hour, and might never return. That was the decision I accepted, to be isolated from this world and everyone in it.

The door pulled open, and a familiar scent wafted across my nose. My head jerked up in realization of who the intruder was, and I swerved towards the entrance.

Valerie let go of the knob, and the door slammed shut behind her.

“Hey…” she paused and swallowed hard, unable to speak.

“Don't blame anyone. This is the best for everyone,” I whispered in a wavering voice.

She walked towards the peach colored canopy bed and sank in beside me, making the bed dip.

“Is there anything I can say to make you feel better before you leave?” she muttered.

I chuckled, hoping the tears wouldn't drop when she was still with me.

“Does a monster deserve anything good?” I replied.

Valerie gripped my cold hand.

“Don't say that, you're not a monster!” she snapped.

I looked at her again, my lips twitching.

“I tried to ruin my dear sister’s happiness, and I almost killed you. Isn't that enough to make me a monster?” I said, playing the role of a villain that they had thrown at me.

Valerie slammed her eyes shut and inhaled slowly.

“Will you say something to Arlene before you leave then?” she asked.

My heart clenched, and the fire that was cooling off in me blew up again.

“Never!” I growled with so much hatred that it made Valerie flinch.

She sat there, staring at me in silence and perplexity.

How could I apologize to someone who wronged me? I could accept whatever dirt was thrown at me, but I would never apologize to Arlene.

“Well, if you agree that you did it and feel guilty for what you've done, then you should apologize,” She said.

“I will not!” I spat and turned my back to her.

“You still haven't changed, Adriana,” she sighed.

“That is why I’m being sent off, and who knows, I might never return because I'm sure I'll never change,” I replied.

I expected Valerie to begin her never-ending preaching and desperate attempts to change my mind, but she didn't. She remained silent.

The silence that hung over our heads was thick and bearing different shades of emotion. Despite how kind Valerie was, she was still unable to read her.

“Your mother was afraid of this,” she muttered, and I tilted my neck to the side to look at her.

“Afraid of what?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Afraid that you and Arlene would end up like Jasmine and Amelia,” she muttered, and my eyes dimmed.

“Who is that?” I asked.

She smiled and ran her hand over my messy hair.

“When you finally make up with your sister, I will tell you,” she muttered.

I scoffed loudly and shook her hand away.

“I’m better off without it,” I replied and turned around again.

Valerie sighed loudly and got up from the bed.

“Do you want to visit your mom before you leave?” 

Even though I hated her, I still couldn't bring myself to say no.

“Shouldn't you be with her?” I asked.

“Someone needs to be with you,” Valerie replied and stretched out her hand.

I stared at her hand for a moment and, with so much hesitation, placed mine in it.

She helped my broken body out of the bed and began to lead me out of the room.

We left the manor through a lonely passageway that led straight to the graveyard. 

“I will leave you for a moment,” she whispered and moved away from my side when we got to the tombstone that had my mother’s name engraved against the slate.

I stood there, staring at the tomb through blurred vision.

There were so many flowers, yet it still felt cold. Most of the flowers on the tombstone had withered, and that included the flower that I had left for her four days ago.

My withered flower seemed like an unwanted thing among the others. Just like me, it was separated from the rest and left to the mercy of the wind.

My eyes caught a blue lily, and my throat knotted. No one needed to tell me that it belonged to Miles, and right beside it was Arlene’s flower. Flowers from my brothers and relatives were all lined up neatly on the tomb with the couple’s flowers at the centre of them..

I chuckled, almost choking on the tears flooding through my body.

I turned away from the tomb and staggered towards the roses planted at the corners of the graveyard.

Bending down, I reached out and began to pluck out two roses. The thorns tore into my palm, but I didn't care. I barely felt the pain. I had been hurt for so long that my body was slowly becoming numb to pain.

I walked back to my mother’s tomb with two roses clenched in my fist. I slumped down in front of the grave and dropped the flower at the far end of the tombstone, away from the others.

“I hate you,” I whispered the words that I had constantly said to her while she was still alive.

“I hate you so much that I wish I had died the moment you gave me life.”

“I hate you so much that I curse myself whenever I come here. I wish I could never love you or think about your death, but I can't, and I hate myself for that.” My voice was already breaking, and I couldn't hold in the tears anymore.

“I am sure you wished the same, too, right, Jasmine Nox?” I chuckled in the middle of my tears.

“I caused trouble again, and I became a villain again. You aren't here anymore, so there will be no reason to stay back. I will punish myself and go far away where no one will ever find me to bring me back,” I whispered and took a deep breath, throwing my head back as the strong wind ruffled my hair.

“Don't ever be proud of me, Mom. Never. I will make you regret giving me life, I promise.”

With those whispers piercing the air, I staggered up and picked up the rose that I had plucked out as well. 

I hid it inside the pocket of my jacket and began to trudge away.

Valerie shuffled forward to meet me at the gate, then led me back to the manor.

The mating ceremony had begun, and my departure was in a few minutes.

“Keep this with you,” she whispered and dropped a box into my palm.

“Whatever you do, remember that this will always be home,” she added.

I said nothing and turned around, walking down the corridor. My heart broke as I heard her footsteps echo away while she rushed to join the ceremony.

On my way back to my room, I stopped by a window in the large empty hall and stared down.

Right below were Miles and Arlene holding hands and exchanging vows before the priest. Happiness filled their eyes as they repeated the words of the priests and made promises to each other.

“My lady.”

I turned around and faced Beta Neil.

“It's time to leave,” he muttered.

I looked out of the window again and watched their lips meet and seal their vows.

“Let’s go,” I whispered and spun around, then headed to the garage without a second glance back.

I was never going to heal or become mentally stable again. And that meant that I would never return to my ‘home’.